Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Caregivers share the common ground when it comes to childcare activities. In this regard, showing the correct ropes for a growing child to become a shining star in life has been a monopoly for years. Giving weekly pocket money for their wards seem to be a helpful method to make them grow as more competent individuals, according to some parents. While this practice is being beneficial to a certain extent, I also believe it has its own drawbacks.
Money given on a weekly basis to children could help them to become adept at financial management in future. This is because right from childhood they would know the value of money and what can be bought with how much cost. Besides, they would have also been exposed to situations wherein they have to save a fortnight’s money to get something essential. For example, a recent study on child’s attitude to finance, 2014, presents that, if Rs 50 is given per week to a child, the response would be planned expenditure in the fourth week in comparison with the first week. All in all, this change in perception of finance and its efficient planning would definitely help out in the future life of every child.
On the flipside, the penny allotted for children at an early age could deteriorate their lives. There are high probabilities that they may be misled due to their acquaintance. Take for an instance, a child whose essentials are taken care by parents and does not want to spend money on anything, a companion of the child, in particular at the adolescent stage, might make him indulge in some anti- social activities like smoking or drinking. Therefore, until a child gets matured to become aware of the ins and outs of life, even a single penny given would drift away him or her from the path of life.
In conclusion, though a grown-up man or woman takes some time to get on grips economically and attain a social status, it is all a part and parcel of life. In my opinion, the early stage of life, childhood should only be spent for having academic skills as well as pedagogic learning of basic expenses. But if the mother’s and father’s trust this method, the expenses are to be followed by them to borne fruitful results out of this.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: the common ground Suggested revision: common ground Why it matters: The fixed expression is share common ground without the definite article.
- 2. Correct the idiom Original: the correct ropes Suggested revision: the ropes Why it matters: The established idiom is show someone the ropes.
- 3. Clarify the claim Original: has been a monopoly for years Suggested revision: has been considered important for years Why it matters: Monopoly does not express the intended idea that this guidance has long been valued.
- 4. Fix subject agreement Original: seem to be Suggested revision: seems to be Why it matters: The gerund phrase Giving weekly pocket money is singular and requires seems.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: make them grow as Suggested revision: help them become Why it matters: Help them become expresses the intended development more naturally.
- 6. Use simple present Original: is being beneficial Suggested revision: is beneficial Why it matters: The stative adjective beneficial does not require a progressive construction here.
- 7. Clarify cost wording Original: what can be bought with how much cost Suggested revision: what can be bought and how much it costs Why it matters: The replacement states the relationship between purchases and prices clearly.
- 8. Keep conditional tense Original: would have also been exposed Suggested revision: would also be exposed Why it matters: The simple conditional matches the hypothetical result described in this paragraph.
- 9. Clarify the amount Original: a fortnight’s money Suggested revision: two weeks' worth of money Why it matters: The replacement makes the saved amount immediately clear.
- 10. Fix study reference Original: a recent study on child’s attitude to finance, 2014, presents that Suggested revision: a 2014 study of children's attitudes to finance shows that Why it matters: The revision corrects the possessive, date placement, and reporting verb.
- 11. State the result clearly Original: the response would be planned expenditure Suggested revision: the child would plan their spending Why it matters: The original noun phrase obscures who performs the action.
- 12. Use concise wording Original: help out in the future life of every child Suggested revision: help every child later in life Why it matters: The revision expresses the future benefit directly and naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- the common ground common ground
- the correct ropes the ropes
- has been a monopoly for years has been considered important for years
- seem to be seems to be
- make them grow as help them become
- is being beneficial is beneficial
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay is clearly organised into contrasting arguments and gives relevant explanations and an example about children's financial management. Its main limitation is an imprecise position: the discussion shifts between benefits, serious risks, and conditional acceptance, while frequent awkward wording sometimes obscures the reasoning. The priority is to state a consistent degree of agreement and make each paragraph and the conclusion directly support that judgment in precise, natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses the claim through benefits and drawbacks, but its degree of agreement remains insufficiently clear and some support is implausible or loosely focused.
State a precise position in the introduction and use both body paragraphs to justify that same judgment before restating it directly in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing and an overall advantages-versus-risks structure support progression, although some links are mechanical and the conclusion becomes difficult to follow.
Give each paragraph a sharply focused topic sentence and make the conclusion summarise the established argument without introducing loosely connected points.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows range and includes topic-specific language, but frequent inaccurate collocations, forced idioms, and word-choice errors reduce precision.
Prefer natural combinations such as learn financial responsibility and be influenced by peers, and avoid idioms unless their meaning and register are secure.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms is attempted, but frequent agreement, article, possessive, and sentence-structure errors sometimes strain comprehension.
Edit each sentence for a complete clause structure, accurate subject-verb agreement, and correct possessives before adding further complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.