Discuss when, if ever capital punishment can be viewed as a valid punishment for a crime.
Sample Response
In the world we live in today, there are different views concerning Capital Punishment. Some would regard it as beneficial; however, some are sceptical about it. In this essay, both views will be discussed. There are those who do not agree with the death penalty for reasons such as police authorities could be mistaken "the real culprit" to "a culprit". In fact, there has been a situation before that the cops just wanted to prove that they have solved the case by picking up the one who they believed did the crime not knowing who actually did it. An example is the case of an Australian man named Mr. Johnson. He was prosecuted for committing murder and was hanged in the middle of the city-centre in Melbourne, but surprisingly, a week after his execution, a hesitant witness came out and pointed to the Victorian police who actually murdered the victim. This was a hot topic because of the public awareness, and this is the reason why such punishment is being disregarded. On the other hand, there are various people who believe in it because it could give peace and order in the society. For instance, here in the Philippines, crimes such as rape, murder, homicide, robbery and many types of it are being committed as evidence in Philippine TV news. So, people strongly believe that capital punishment is needed to bring back the peace and harmony in the country. Way back, during the term of late President Ferdinand E. Marcos, the death penalty was strictly imposed, whether the sinner was wealthy and powerful or not. An example is the famous Chinese drug lord who was executed by the country's firing squad and televised it to the public. As a result, Filipinos were afraid to do crimes and the Philippine has even featured in New York Times magazine as one of the best countries to live in. In conclusion, with regard to what I think, I believe that death penalty must be implemented. It is because heinous crimes are very rampant these days, but we need to examine deliberately and intensely who the real crime-committer is.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use lowercase term Original: concerning Capital Punishment Suggested revision: concerning capital punishment Why it matters: A general policy term is not a proper noun and should not be capitalized.
- 2. Use formal term Original: cops Suggested revision: police Why it matters: Police is the appropriate formal term for an academic essay.
- 3. Use past perfect Original: have Suggested revision: had Why it matters: The claimed solution occurred before the later past actions in the narrative.
- 4. Use precise legal verb Original: picking up Suggested revision: arresting Why it matters: Arresting precisely describes taking a suspected person into police custody.
- 5. Use crime collocation Original: did Suggested revision: committed Why it matters: Commit a crime is the standard collocation.
- 6. Clarify accompanying circumstance Original: not Suggested revision: without Why it matters: Without clearly links the police's action to their lack of knowledge.
- 7. Clarify relative clause Original: pointed to the Victorian police who actually murdered the victim Suggested revision: identified the person who had actually murdered the victim to the Victorian police Why it matters: The revision makes the murderer, rather than the police, the antecedent of who.
- 8. Clarify public response Original: because of the public awareness Suggested revision: because of the resulting public concern Why it matters: Public concern naturally describes the reaction to the case, whereas awareness needs a specified object.
- 9. Use accurate policy verb Original: disregarded Suggested revision: rejected Why it matters: Rejected accurately expresses opposition to the punishment, while disregarded means ignored.
- 10. Use natural quantifier Original: various Suggested revision: many Why it matters: Many naturally describes an unspecified number of people sharing a belief.
- 11. Correct peace collocation Original: give peace and order in the society Suggested revision: bring peace and order to society Why it matters: Bring peace and order to society is the natural collocation and prepositional pattern.
- 12. Name other offences Original: many types of it Suggested revision: other offences Why it matters: The plural phrase clearly refers to additional kinds of crime without an unclear pronoun.
Suggested Rewrites
- concerning Capital Punishment concerning capital punishment
- cops police
- have had
- picking up arresting
- did committed
- not without
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response considers the risk of wrongful conviction and the possible deterrent effect of capital punishment, then offers a conditional position favouring it for serious crime after careful identification. Its main limitation is that the condition for validity is not developed until the conclusion, while questionable examples, no paragraphing, and recurring language errors weaken the argument. Define the necessary legal safeguards early and support them with focused, credible reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both central perspectives are discussed and a conditional view is given, but the circumstances making execution valid are not fully developed.
State clear conditions such as offence severity and certainty of guilt, then justify each with credible evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The opposing arguments and conclusion follow a basic logical sequence, but the single-paragraph presentation and lengthy examples weaken progression.
Use separate paragraphs for wrongful conviction, deterrence, legal safeguards, and the final conditional judgement.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary for crime and punishment, but frequent inaccurate collocations and informal or imprecise expressions reduce clarity.
Use precise legal terms for conviction, evidence, deterrence, serious offences, and procedural safeguards.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of structures is attempted, but recurring errors in clauses, articles, agreement, prepositions, and passive forms are noticeable.
Shorten long sentences and check that every clause has a clear subject, correctly formed verb, and logical connection.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Discuss when, if ever capital punishment can be viewed as a valid punishment for a crime.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.