We no longer need to have animals kept in zoos, so zoos should be closed. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is irrefutable that animals are the most prominent part of the ecosystem and also play a crucial role to manage the whole world in a better way. There is no discrimination against animals to keep these wild creatures behind bars even though they have equal rights as a human. However, I agree with the statement to a large extent. I have some solid ground to defend my opinion, which I would like to explicate at length in the paragraphs to come.
To begin with, the human does not have the authority to keep the creatures inside the zoo for their entertainment purpose because they also have families to live with them without any interruption from human. Put in other words, animals lose their freedom when they are kept behind bars, also the exposure to an artificial way of living, and deprived numerous of assets of their natural habitat. This leads to the balance of the ecosystem would be disturbed, and as a result, the whole world suffers from treasury consequences that are unable to tackle easily. For instance, according to researchers, if humans keep the wild animals inside the zoo or behind bars, this leads to unbalancing the food chain in the forest because animals are dependent on each other for their survival. As a result, the majority of wildlife and creatures are near to extinction soon. To add it, without animals, the green forest turns into a desert because these are the major ones that preserve the wildlife or environment inappropriate manner.
Furthermore, at a certain stage, human has the responsibility to preserve these incredible creatures on a large scale. Because some species of animals are on the verge of extinction, this beast can be saved from the effect of extermination. For example, in India, the tendency of white tiger drastically plummeted over the years, and the forest department took the initiative to save this creature from hunting and provide man-made forests which are similar to natural forests, including food and medicine to keep their tiger for future. Moreover, in some forests, the food chain is disturbed, and animals are dying out from hunger, so individuals give a place for their better health and hygiene, which leads them a long life.
To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that humans have no right to interfere in the wildlife of animals to use these creatures for their benefit. Therefore, the government needs to save the animals from diseases to increase their habitats.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct verb pattern Original: play a crucial role to manage Suggested revision: play a crucial role in managing Why it matters: The noun phrase “a role” takes “in” followed by a gerund.
- 2. Express the claim clearly Original: no discrimination against animals to keep these wild creatures Suggested revision: no justification for keeping these wild creatures Why it matters: “Discrimination” does not express the intended claim that confinement is unjustified.
- 3. Correct comparison Original: rights as a human Suggested revision: rights comparable to those of humans Why it matters: The original singular comparison is grammatically inaccurate.
- 4. Use plural expression Original: ground Suggested revision: grounds Why it matters: The idiom for reasons supporting an opinion is “grounds.”
- 5. Use generic plural Original: the human does not Suggested revision: humans do not Why it matters: A general statement about people requires the plural noun and verb.
- 6. Generalize accurately Original: creatures inside the zoo Suggested revision: creatures in zoos Why it matters: The plural form is appropriate for zoos as a general institution.
- 7. Correct noun phrase Original: their entertainment purpose Suggested revision: entertainment purposes Why it matters: The established expression is “for entertainment purposes.”
- 8. Correct number and word Original: interruption from human Suggested revision: interference from humans Why it matters: “Interference” expresses unwanted involvement, and the general noun should be plural.
- 9. Use a direct verb Original: this leads to unbalancing Suggested revision: this disrupts Why it matters: “Disrupts” expresses the effect on the food chain naturally and concisely.
- 10. Correct time expression Original: near to extinction soon Suggested revision: close to extinction Why it matters: “Near to” and “soon” create an incorrect and redundant expression here.
- 11. Use correct linker Original: To add it Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: The original linking phrase is not idiomatic English.
- 12. Add missing preposition Original: environment inappropriate manner Suggested revision: environment in an appropriate manner Why it matters: The phrase requires “in” before “an appropriate manner.”
Suggested Rewrites
- play a crucial role to manage play a crucial role in managing
- no discrimination against animals to keep these wild creatures no justification for keeping these wild creatures
- rights as a human rights comparable to those of humans
- ground grounds
- the human does not humans do not
- creatures inside the zoo creatures in zoos
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response is strongest in stating a clear general opposition to keeping animals in zoos and organising the discussion into recognisable stages. Its main limitation is that several supporting claims are unclear, implausible, or insufficiently connected to zoo closure, while frequent language errors further blur the reasoning. The highest-priority improvement is to build two directly relevant arguments with logical explanations and express them in shorter, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A position is presented and relevant concerns are raised, but development is uneven and the conservation discussion partly weakens the argument.
Explain precisely how each example supports closing zoos and distinguish harmful captivity from legitimate conservation measures.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall paragraph sequence is recognisable, but progression within and between ideas is often mechanical or unclear.
Give each body paragraph one clear controlling idea and connect every supporting sentence directly to it.
Lexical Resource
The writer attempts a broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Prioritise accurate common academic vocabulary and check phrases such as treasury consequences and tendency of white tiger.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted frequently, but persistent errors in articles, agreement, clause formation, and sentence structure cause difficulty.
Use shorter sentence patterns first, ensuring every clause has a clear subject and verb before adding subordinate ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
We no longer need to have animals kept in zoos, so zoos should be closed. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.