People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important for many people? Use specific reasons and examples to explain you answer.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
Many people believe that music plays an essential part in their liveslife. For a number of reasons, some people think that music is important, and the following essay will explain them in detaildetails.
Firstly, a lot of people believe that music has a positive effect on humanhuman's cognitive development. Based on some scientific researchresearches, evidence suggestsit is found that people who love music are more intelligent than those who do not like music. They cancould balance their emotional and logical thinking, and therefore cantherefore they could easily adapt to different kindskind of environments.
Secondly, it is believed that music could also affect people's performanceaffect to people's performances. It is a fact that fast beat music could positively affect to athletes' performances, therefore this type of music isthese type of music are usually played during training and competitionsthe training and the game session. And then it is true that slow instrumentalinstrument music could help people relieve stresshelp people in releasing their stress, therefore it is always playedthey are always played in relaxation places such as in reflexology centresin the reflexology, spa or massage centres.
Lastly, some people are relying on music as their source of income. A lot of people do not realise that the music industrymusic industries have created a lot of job opportunities in societysocieties. Some people of relying themselves on music as their main jobs, such as being a singer, music producer, songwriter and last but not least as a music teacher.
In conclusion, it is true that music plays a vital role in our livesour ways of life, as music can affect our mindset and emotions. Music can also be used as a source of income; therefore,And then music can also be used as a source of income as well, therefore, we must appreciate music and enjoy itthem.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear set of relevant reasons, supported by examples involving athletes, relaxation settings, and music-related employment. Its main limitation is frequent imprecise or ungrammatical phrasing, which makes several explanations sound less credible and polished despite remaining understandable. The highest priority is to develop each claim with a more carefully qualified explanation while correcting recurring agreement, preposition, and word-form errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly explains several reasons for music’s importance and supports them with relevant examples, although some claims are broad or insufficiently substantiated.
Qualify the claim about intelligence and explain more precisely how each example demonstrates music’s importance to people.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear topic-based paragraphs and a logical sequence support overall progression, but repeated ‘therefore’ links and vague pronoun references make cohesion mechanical.
Vary logical connections and ensure each pronoun clearly refers to the intended noun, especially when moving between music and people.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers cognitive, emotional, sporting, and employment contexts, but frequent collocational and word-form errors reduce precision.
Replace inaccurate combinations such as ‘scientific researches’, ‘affect to’, and ‘slow instrument music’ with standard academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses both simple and complex structures, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, plurals, and prepositions are noticeable throughout.
Proofread each sentence for subject–verb agreement and countability, particularly forms such as ‘these types of music are’ and ‘different kinds of environments’.