In most parts of the world, people are living longer. What is the possible cause of this situation? Is this a negative or positive development?
Sample Response
In several countries across the world, the death rate has decreased dramatically. This may be due to several reasons and this essay will analyse those and also suggest whether it brings benefit or drawback to the society. First and foremost reason for this scenario is the revolution of healthcare technology. This is because the fatal diseases or disorders which were considered difficult to fight against have become an easier task to tackle these days. Polio is one good example in India which no longer causes death or disorder among people which once was a very devastating disease. Moreover, the technical advancements are also facilitating complicated cardiac surgeries, organ transplantation and 3D printed organ replacement. So these illustrations are proving the worthy role of technology in enriching and enhancing of people’s life. While the lifespan of individuals’ increases, it would obviously benefit in several ways both to individual and society. As far as a single person is concerned, if he lives longer then it is certain that he would complete all his responsibilities in a proper way and lead a happy and contented life with his or family. Looking onto the other side, the benefits outnumber the disadvantages here as well. Due to the contribution of persons like scientists, politicians and other leaders to the nation for a longer duration, the development of the nation is a reachable goal. By and large, the people are having healthy and longer life because of the intervention of technology in the healthcare sector. This has been proven as a positive impact on both individuals and a larger community and thus can be taken as a sign of betterment.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural count nouns Original: brings benefit or drawback Suggested revision: brings benefits or drawbacks Why it matters: The countable nouns need plural forms when referring to possible effects generally.
- 2. Remove unnecessary article Original: to the society Suggested revision: to society Why it matters: 'Society' takes no article when referring to society in general.
- 3. Add definite article Original: First and foremost reason Suggested revision: The first and foremost reason Why it matters: The superlative-style phrase requires the definite article.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: the revolution of healthcare technology Suggested revision: advances in healthcare technology Why it matters: 'Advances in' is the natural expression for technological progress.
- 5. Use precise adjective Original: the technical advancements Suggested revision: technological advances Why it matters: 'Technological advances' is the standard collocation for developments in medical technology.
- 6. Use simple present Original: are also facilitating Suggested revision: also facilitate Why it matters: The simple present is more appropriate for a general, continuing capability.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: are proving the worthy role Suggested revision: demonstrate the valuable role Why it matters: 'Demonstrate the valuable role' is the natural formal collocation.
- 8. Simplify the gerund phrase Original: in enriching and enhancing of people’s life Suggested revision: in improving people's lives Why it matters: The gerund takes a direct object, and the plural 'lives' agrees with 'people'.
- 9. Fix possessive and agreement Original: the lifespan of individuals’ increases Suggested revision: individuals' lifespans increase Why it matters: The possessive apostrophe belongs after 'individuals', and the plural subject takes 'increase'.
- 10. Clarify the subject Original: it would obviously benefit Suggested revision: a longer life would clearly bring benefits Why it matters: The explicit subject identifies what produces the benefits.
- 11. Use parallel objects Original: both to individual and society Suggested revision: both to individuals and to society Why it matters: The paired construction needs parallel prepositional objects.
- 12. Use neutral pronoun Original: if he lives longer then Suggested revision: if they live longer, Why it matters: Singular 'they' is inclusive, and the conditional clause requires a following comma.
Suggested Rewrites
- brings benefit or drawback brings benefits or drawbacks
- to the society to society
- First and foremost reason The first and foremost reason
- the revolution of healthcare technology advances in healthcare technology
- the technical advancements technological advances
- are also facilitating also facilitate
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay identifies advances in healthcare as the main cause of longer lives and supports this with relevant examples of disease control, surgery, and transplantation. Its positive judgement is clear and includes benefits for individuals and society. The main limitation is that those benefits are asserted rather generally and the one-paragraph presentation weakens progression; prioritise developing one realistic social benefit in a separate body paragraph with a clearer causal explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with a clear healthcare cause and positive position, though the claimed individual and national benefits need fuller support.
Develop one concrete way that longer lives benefit society and explain the mechanism rather than broadly asserting greater national development.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves recognisably from causes to individual and social benefits, but the single paragraph and some inaccurate transitions weaken clarity.
Separate healthcare causes, individual benefits, and social benefits into focused paragraphs with transitions that accurately show their relationship.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range for healthcare and social development, but recurring inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as ‘medical advances’, ‘increase life expectancy’, ‘improve quality of life’, and ‘benefit society’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys the main message, although errors recur in articles, agreement, possessives, tense, and clause formation.
Control each sentence around one main clause and check noun phrases such as ‘an individual’s lifespan’ and ‘a positive impact’.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In most parts of the world, people are living longer. What is the possible cause of this situation? Is this a negative or positive development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.