Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports?
Sample Response
In recent years we have seen a considerable rise in dangerous or extreme sports. This essay shall discuss some of the main reasons why people engage in such sports and suggest ways in which some risks involved in such sports can be reduced.
The main reason why people go for dangerous sports is that they get the thrill out of them. They like taking risks. They like to challenge their abilities and potentials. They feel a sense of satisfaction when they come face to face with fears while bungee jumping, rock climbing and so on. In addition, going through a dangerous experience gives them courage and confidence to face the hurdles of their daily life.
Another reason for pursuing such sports is that there is a lot of fame and money involved in them. They get attention by doing stunts on motorcycles and jumping from tall buildings. They make headlines in newspapers and TV News Channels. They feel great when their name comes in the Guinness Book of World Records. Once they get famous they get a lot of money also. For instance, many businesses hire them to endorse their products. They also get jobs on the basis of such skills.
Many steps can be taken to reduce the risks are that involved. Firstly, these sports should be done under strict supervision. All safety precautions should be taken. Such sports should be performed after sufficient training and under supervision of adults. Sport companies which cater to such sports should require a license for providing such training. Some people suggest banning some sports. However, I do not believe that banning is a good solution. We all know that forbidden fruits taste sweeter and people will do such sports in hiding which would increase the risks involved.
To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, people do such sports for fun, for money and for fame. However, such sports should be performed after sufficient training from licensed companies and under some supervision
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the increase Original: rise in dangerous or extreme sports Suggested revision: rise in participation in dangerous or extreme sports Why it matters: The revision specifies what has increased rather than implying that the sports themselves have risen.
- 2. Use natural future form Original: shall Suggested revision: will Why it matters: Will is the more natural choice for previewing the essay's content.
- 3. Use precise verb Original: go for dangerous sports Suggested revision: participate in dangerous sports Why it matters: Participate in is a more precise academic collocation for taking part in a sport.
- 4. Improve the collocation Original: get the thrill out of them Suggested revision: get a thrill from them Why it matters: Get a thrill from is the standard collocation for describing this motivation.
- 5. Use uncountable potential Original: potentials Suggested revision: potential Why it matters: Potential is normally uncountable when it refers to a person's capacity.
- 6. Use concise wording Original: come face to face with fears Suggested revision: face their fears Why it matters: The revision expresses the same idea more directly and naturally.
- 7. Choose natural phrasing Original: hurdles of their daily life Suggested revision: challenges of daily life Why it matters: Challenges of daily life is a more natural collocation in this context.
- 8. Express the benefit clearly Original: there is a lot of fame and money involved in them Suggested revision: considerable fame and money can be gained from them Why it matters: The revision makes clear that fame and money are potential rewards of the sports.
- 9. Correct adverb placement Original: get a lot of money also Suggested revision: also earn a lot of money Why it matters: Also should be placed before the main verb, and earn states the meaning more precisely.
- 10. Clarify the relative clause Original: in hiding which Suggested revision: in secret, which Why it matters: In secret is idiomatic here, and the comma correctly marks the following non-defining clause.
- 11. Finish the sentence Original: under some supervision Suggested revision: under some supervision. Why it matters: The final sentence needs closing punctuation.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Many steps can be taken to reduce the risks are that involved. Suggested revision: Many steps can be taken to reduce the risks involved. Why it matters: The original contains an extra verb and a misplaced relative structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- rise in dangerous or extreme sports rise in participation in dangerous or extreme sports
- shall will
- go for dangerous sports participate in dangerous sports
- get the thrill out of them get a thrill from them
- potentials potential
- come face to face with fears face their fears
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives two clear, relevant reasons for participation and supports them with explanations and examples, while maintaining a generally logical progression. Its main limitation is the substantial discussion of safety measures, which the stated question does not ask for; prioritise deeper development of the motives themselves and remove off-task material, while also tightening awkward grammar and collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response develops relevant motives involving thrill, challenge, fame, and money, but devotes substantial space to unrequested safety solutions.
Focus every body paragraph on why people participate and extend the underlying motives rather than introducing off-task solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear paragraph sequence and uses linking devices effectively, although progression is weakened by the shift to safety measures and some choppy sentences.
Maintain one purpose throughout the essay and combine closely related short sentences to create smoother progression within paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but several collocations and expressions are awkward or imprecise.
Use more natural combinations such as develop their potential, earn money, and sports providers, while avoiding memorised concluding phrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the ideas clearly, but recurring article, agreement, punctuation, and sentence-construction errors reduce control.
Proofread complex clauses for a single complete structure and check articles, verb forms, and comma placement before finalising the response.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.