There are many types of music in the world today. Why do we need music?
Sample Response
Nowadays trend of listening music has increased enormous. Some people think that traditional music of any nation is very important and an identity of that nation where as, many people who believe that international music is more effective for any nation. Today, there is a lot of varieties in the music and these varieties are continuously increasing day by day, for instance folk music is mostly found in Asian countries specially in the south Asian countries like Pakistan, India and Bangladesh, where as, the pop music and rap songs have initially started from Europe and America. The most important question which occur is why we need music or what is the importance of music in our life? One of the main reason for listening music is that it give us relaxation when we are in trouble, in depression or want some relaxation from any tough situation. Secondly, music make a person more calm and tension free, so after listening the song the person is in more control to get back to work with more energy and with more passion. Traditional music of any nation has more importance for that nation for instance if we look in Pakistan or south Asian countries people play their own native songs in their functions, birthday parties and in wedding parties rather than playing English or ay other songs. Moreover, the national songs are also the identity of any nation, these music represent the culture of that nation, so music of any society should be promoted by that society and it should be kept at an asset. On the other hand international music also have some importance in the society the main reason which i give to support the above argument is people came to know the music of other culture and enjoy the types of music of different societies. After viewing above discussion it would lead me to conclude on the note that music is very important in life, moreover, cultural music has much importance than other international music and it should be preserved as an asset.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add article Original: Nowadays trend Suggested revision: Nowadays, the trend Why it matters: The singular countable noun 'trend' needs the definite article here.
- 2. Use adverb form Original: enormous Suggested revision: enormously Why it matters: The verb 'increased' must be modified by an adverb.
- 3. Clarify relationship Original: important and an identity Suggested revision: important because it forms part of the identity Why it matters: The revision states the intended relationship clearly and uses 'identity' naturally.
- 4. Fix contrast clause Original: that nation where as, many people who believe Suggested revision: that nation, whereas many people believe Why it matters: 'Whereas' is one word, and the relative pronoun makes the clause ungrammatical.
- 5. Choose suitable adjective Original: more effective for any nation Suggested revision: more beneficial to a nation Why it matters: 'Beneficial' fits a claim about value to a nation more naturally than 'effective.'
- 6. Fix quantity phrase Original: a lot of varieties in the music Suggested revision: many varieties of music Why it matters: The plural countable noun takes 'many,' and 'of music' is the natural complement.
- 7. Remove redundancy Original: continuously increasing day by day Suggested revision: continuously increasing Why it matters: 'Continuously' and 'day by day' repeat the same idea.
- 8. Punctuate example marker Original: for instance folk music Suggested revision: for instance, folk music Why it matters: A comma is required after the introductory example marker.
- 9. Correct word choice Original: specially in the south Asian countries Suggested revision: especially in South Asian countries Why it matters: 'Especially' means particularly, while 'specially' means for a special purpose.
- 10. Fix contrast form Original: Bangladesh, where as, the pop music Suggested revision: Bangladesh, whereas pop music Why it matters: 'Whereas' is one word and the general category 'pop music' does not need an article.
- 11. Use concise verb Original: have initially started Suggested revision: originated Why it matters: 'Originated' expresses where these genres began without the awkward tense combination.
- 12. Fix number and preposition Original: reason for listening music Suggested revision: reasons for listening to music Why it matters: 'One of' requires a plural noun, and 'listening' requires 'to.'
Suggested Rewrites
- Nowadays trend Nowadays, the trend
- enormous enormously
- important and an identity important because it forms part of the identity
- that nation where as, many people who believe that nation, whereas many people believe
- more effective for any nation more beneficial to a nation
- a lot of varieties in the music many varieties of music
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response’s strongest aspect is its identification of several understandable reasons for needing music, including relaxation, renewed energy, cultural identity, and exposure to other societies. However, substantial space is diverted to comparing traditional and international music, while frequent grammatical and sentence-boundary errors weaken clarity. The highest-priority improvement is to organise focused reasons into separate paragraphs and express each one in shorter, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the central question with several relevant reasons, but its focus is diluted by an extended comparison of music types.
Develop each reason why music is needed directly and remove material that mainly debates traditional versus international music.
Coherence and Cohesion
A basic progression from personal benefits to cultural functions is visible, but the single long paragraph and run-on sentences weaken organisation.
Divide the response into clear paragraphs and give each sentence one manageable stage of the argument.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers the topic adequately and includes some relevant cultural terms, but frequent collocation and word-form errors reduce precision.
Practise natural combinations such as listening to music and preserving music as an asset, while checking word forms carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts complex sentences, but persistent agreement, article, punctuation, and clause-structure errors sometimes make them difficult to follow.
Build accurate simple and compound sentences first, paying particular attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence boundaries.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
There are many types of music in the world today. Why do we need music?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.