Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree about this opinion?
Sample Response
For centuries, deforestation, farming, urbanisation and other human activities have wreaked havoc with wild animal species and sent them to the verge of extinction. Regarding wildlife protection, awareness has been raised and attempts have been made. However, some hold the idea that the protection of endangered species has been given inordinate amount of attention and resources. Personally, I do not see eye to eye with this point of view.
In the first place, wildlife protection has never taken centre stage on the media. Compared with celebrities, for example, the amount of coverage of wild animals is infinitesimal. Clearly, the reason is profits. In other words, programs featuring wild animals do not generate interest of the public and accordingly returns for the producers. The absence of educational programs concerning the lives of wild animals has blinded people to the reality that wild animals are dying and the ecological system are being disrupted severely.
In addition, governments around the world do not prioritise wildlife conservation in their agenda’s. As a matter of fact, laws to save wild animals have been introduced, but they are loosely enforced. Because of this, every man can freely exploit land, chop down forests, and divert the water sources, all of which combine to destroy the natural habitats of threatened animals.
In every corners of the world, with or without intention, human are still causing changes in climatic and geopgraphical conditions, which accelerates of animal extinction. In light of this fact, I feel that not enough attention and resources are being given in the conservation of wild flora and fauna and stronger actions need to be taken to save them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct collocation Original: with Suggested revision: on Why it matters: The standard collocation is “wreak havoc on” a group or system.
- 2. Add article Original: given inordinate amount Suggested revision: given an inordinate amount Why it matters: The singular countable noun “amount” requires the article “an.”
- 3. Correct media phrase Original: on Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The conventional preposition for coverage within the media is “in.”
- 4. Clarify coverage target Original: coverage of wild animals Suggested revision: coverage devoted to wild animals Why it matters: “Devoted to” makes the relationship between media coverage and its subject clearer.
- 5. Use singular noun Original: profits Suggested revision: profit Why it matters: “Profit” functions as the general uncountable motive in this statement.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: generate interest of the public Suggested revision: generate public interest Why it matters: “Generate public interest” is the standard concise collocation.
- 7. Restore parallel structure Original: and accordingly returns for the producers Suggested revision: or, consequently, financial returns for producers Why it matters: The replacement coordinates both objects of “do not generate” and makes the causal link explicit.
- 8. Fix agreement Original: are Suggested revision: is Why it matters: The singular subject “system” requires the singular verb “is.”
- 9. Natural adverb placement Original: disrupted severely Suggested revision: severely disrupted Why it matters: The adverb is more naturally placed before the past participle in this passive phrase.
- 10. Fix preposition and plural Original: in their agenda’s Suggested revision: on their agendas Why it matters: Priorities appear “on” agendas, and the plural noun does not take an apostrophe.
- 11. Use precise collocation Original: loosely Suggested revision: poorly Why it matters: Laws are conventionally described as “poorly” or “weakly” enforced.
- 12. Avoid overgeneralisation Original: every man Suggested revision: individuals Why it matters: “Individuals” is an inclusive and less absolute term for people who may exploit natural resources.
Suggested Rewrites
- with on
- given inordinate amount given an inordinate amount
- on in
- coverage of wild animals coverage devoted to wild animals
- profits profit
- generate interest of the public generate public interest
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents an unequivocal position and supports it with two logically connected arguments about media attention and government action. Its persuasive vocabulary and clear progression are strengths, but recurring grammatical and collocational errors reduce precision and occasionally make sentences awkward. The highest-priority improvement is systematic editing for agreement, articles, plurals, and verb patterns while retaining the strong argument structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout and relevant reasons are extended, though some claims about media interest and government priorities rely on broad assertions.
Support each central claim with a more concrete example or fuller causal explanation to make the argument more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear overall progression, focused paragraphs, and effective linking between claims, explanations, and consequences.
Reduce formulaic paragraph openers and strengthen the link between the media argument and the broader issue of resource allocation.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often precise, with effective topic language, but several spelling and collocational errors reduce naturalness.
Check word combinations and forms in phrases concerning public interest, conservation, extinction, and geographical conditions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures successfully, but agreement, article, plural, possessive, and verb-pattern errors occur repeatedly.
Prioritise subject-verb agreement and noun-form accuracy, then proofread every complex sentence for missing or unnecessary words.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree about this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.