Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree about this opinion?
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
For centuries, deforestation, farming, urbanisation and other human activities have wreaked havoc onwith wild animal species and sent them to the verge of extinction. Regarding wildlife protection, awareness has been raised and attempts have been made. However, some hold the idea that the protection of endangered species has been given an inordinate amountgiven inordinate amount of attention and resources. Personally, I do not see eye to eye with this point of view.
In the first place, wildlife protection has never taken centre stage inon the media. Compared with celebrities, for example, the amount of coverage devoted to wild animalscoverage of wild animals is infinitesimal. Clearly, the reason is profitprofits. In other words, programs featuring wild animals do not generate public interestgenerate interest of the public or, consequently, financial returns for producersand accordingly returns for the producers. The absence of educational programs concerning the lives of wild animals has blinded people to the reality that wild animals are dying and the ecological system isare being severely disrupteddisrupted severely.
In addition, governments around the world do not prioritise wildlife conservation on their agendasin their agenda’s. As a matter of fact, laws to save wild animals have been introduced, but they are poorlyloosely enforced. Because of this, individualsevery man can freely exploit land, chop down forests, and divert the water sources, all of which combine to destroy the natural habitats of threatened animals.
In every cornercorners of the world, intentionally or unintentionallywith or without intention, humanshuman are still causing changes in climatic and geographicalgeopgraphical conditions, which accelerate animal extinctionwhich accelerates of animal extinction. In light of this fact, I feel that not enough attention and resources are being devoted to the conservationgiven in the conservation of wild flora and fauna and stronger actionactions need to be taken to save them.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents an unequivocal position and supports it with two logically connected arguments about media attention and government action. Its persuasive vocabulary and clear progression are strengths, but recurring grammatical and collocational errors reduce precision and occasionally make sentences awkward. The highest-priority improvement is systematic editing for agreement, articles, plurals, and verb patterns while retaining the strong argument structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout and relevant reasons are extended, though some claims about media interest and government priorities rely on broad assertions.
Support each central claim with a more concrete example or fuller causal explanation to make the argument more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear overall progression, focused paragraphs, and effective linking between claims, explanations, and consequences.
Reduce formulaic paragraph openers and strengthen the link between the media argument and the broader issue of resource allocation.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often precise, with effective topic language, but several spelling and collocational errors reduce naturalness.
Check word combinations and forms in phrases concerning public interest, conservation, extinction, and geographical conditions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures successfully, but agreement, article, plural, possessive, and verb-pattern errors occur repeatedly.
Prioritise subject-verb agreement and noun-form accuracy, then proofread every complex sentence for missing or unnecessary words.