Some people believe that wild animals should not be kept in zoos or other man-made environments as there is no longer a need for them in the 21st century. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Many believe that zoos are antiquated and inhumane. In my opinion, though zoos raise legitimate ethical concerns, their value for conservation is greater than ever before.
Critics of zoos argue that the animal life simulated there is unnatural. In the majority of zoos, animals are kept in small enclosures or cages. Any visitor to a zoo is first struck by the lack of energy and vitality present in animals not living in their natural habitats and fending for themselves. This unnatural divorce from their intended purpose in life is inherently unethical. Added to this is the fact that there are now alternatives to zoos. In countries such as Kenya and Tanzania, where the Serengeti is located, there are sprawling national preserves that accomplish the dual aims of aiding animal conservation and allowing interested spectators to see wildlife up close.
Nonetheless, zoos are principal locations for wildlife research and preservation initiatives. Nearly every zoo will not only allow local researchers to learn more about animals, but also contain programs for increasing population numbers. The hastening of climate change has brought disastrous results to animal habitats around the world and thousands of animals are now endangered. It is nearly impossible to quickly restore their homes so the only option remaining is to breed animals in captivity to increase their numbers and then release them into the wild later. This situation is unfortunate but necessary and will only become more essential in years to come as greater numbers of species are threatened and zoos become a key location for raising both public awareness and population levels.
In conclusion, despite the moral hazards zoos entail, their effect on wildlife conservation is crucial. Countries should therefore continue to maintain their current zoos.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: animal life simulated there Suggested revision: animals’ lives in captivity Why it matters: This phrasing describes captive animals more naturally and precisely.
- 2. Prefer concise wording Original: In the majority of zoos Suggested revision: In most zoos Why it matters: The shorter quantifier is more direct without changing the claim.
- 3. Improve collocation Original: lack of energy and vitality present in animals Suggested revision: lack of energy and vitality among animals Why it matters: Among is the more natural preposition for a quality observed across a group.
- 4. Clarify the metaphor Original: unnatural divorce from their intended purpose in life Suggested revision: separation from their natural way of life Why it matters: The revision expresses the intended contrast without the strained divorce metaphor.
- 5. Use precise wording Original: principal Suggested revision: key Why it matters: Key locations is a more natural collocation for the role zoos play.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: hastening Suggested revision: acceleration Why it matters: Acceleration is the standard noun for climate change becoming faster.
- 7. Improve verb choice Original: brought disastrous results to animal habitats Suggested revision: had disastrous effects on animal habitats Why it matters: Effects on is the natural collocation for describing environmental consequences.
- 8. Use topic vocabulary Original: homes Suggested revision: habitats Why it matters: Habitats is the precise term for animals’ natural living environments.
- 9. Refine the comparison Original: more essential in years to come Suggested revision: increasingly important in years to come Why it matters: Increasingly important conveys a gradual rise more naturally than more essential.
- 10. Clarify the relationship Original: effect on wildlife conservation Suggested revision: contribution to wildlife conservation Why it matters: Contribution accurately expresses the positive role claimed for zoos.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Nearly every zoo will not only allow local researchers to learn more about animals, but also contain programs for increasing population numbers. Suggested revision: Nearly every zoo not only allows local researchers to learn more about animals but also runs programs to increase animal populations. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes tense consistency and the faulty parallel structure after not only.
Suggested Rewrites
- animal life simulated there animals’ lives in captivity
- In the majority of zoos In most zoos
- lack of energy and vitality present in animals lack of energy and vitality among animals
- unnatural divorce from their intended purpose in life separation from their natural way of life
- principal key
- hastening acceleration
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, nuanced position, supported by a well-developed explanation of zoos’ conservation role and a coherent discussion of ethical concerns. Its main limitation is that several claims, such as captivity being the only viable option, are too absolute and rely on generalisation. The priority is to qualify those claims and support them with more precise evidence or examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a consistent, nuanced position and develops both ethical concerns and conservation benefits in depth.
Qualify broad claims about captivity and support them with a more specific example of a successful conservation programme.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear contrast between objections to zoos and the case for retaining them, with cohesive devices used effectively.
Make the transition from wildlife preserves to the continuing need for zoos more explicit so the apparent tension is fully resolved.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and well suited to the topic, with flexible expressions for ethics, habitats, research, and conservation.
Replace occasional overstated or slightly awkward expressions with more measured wording to improve naturalness and precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few imperfections do not impede communication.
Refine parallel structures, particularly where a subject is paired with two coordinated verb phrases, to achieve still greater control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that wild animals should not be kept in zoos or other man-made environments as there is no longer a need for them in the 21st century. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.