Some people think that managerial posts in private companies and in government are more suitable for men. Others think that given the opportunity women can be successful managers. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
People have different opinions about leadership in a corporation or government institution. A group of people believe that managerial and similar high-level positions should only be occupied by men, while others think that women could also be good leaders. The following essay will discuss both views, but I personally believe that competency is the most important aspect in term of leadership. For a number of reasons, many people believe that men should be the leaders in companies or government bodies. Firstly, based on the psychological approach, men use ratio when they make decisions. Therefore they decisions would be more logical and reasonable. Secondly, men are the better decision makers when they have to make a sudden or urgent choice. Again certain jobs demand responsibilities that could be better performed by man than women. On the other hand, another group of people believe that women should also be given the chance to occupy important positions in a company. They believe that leaders should not be elected based on genders, but based on their competency. They also believe that leader is not purely a natural gift, as leadership could also be learned. Some of the examples would be Margaret Thatcher who successfully led England in the eighties and Hillary Clinton who became one of the ministers in the USA and now running for the presidential election. These women have shown that they have all the competencies of becoming a good leader. In conclusion, some people still believe that gender would have a significant effect on leadership, but I disagree with the statement. I personally believe that competency and experience of the individual, be it a man of woman is the most important aspect of choosing a leader in an organisation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify category relationship Original: similar Suggested revision: other Why it matters: “Other” shows more clearly that managerial roles are part of the wider category.
- 2. Use concise phrasing Original: men should be the leaders in companies Suggested revision: men should lead companies Why it matters: The verb “lead” expresses the same idea more directly.
- 3. Correct academic phrasing Original: based on the psychological approach Suggested revision: from a psychological perspective Why it matters: The original phrase uses an unnatural preposition and collocation.
- 4. Choose correct noun Original: ratio Suggested revision: reason Why it matters: “Ratio” means a numerical relationship and does not mean logical thought here.
- 5. Fix determiner and comma Original: Therefore they decisions Suggested revision: Therefore, their decisions Why it matters: The possessive determiner “their” is required, and the introductory connector needs a comma.
- 6. Fix comparative form Original: men are the better decision makers Suggested revision: men are better decision-makers Why it matters: A general comparative does not take “the” in this structure.
- 7. Use clearer connector Original: Again certain jobs Suggested revision: Furthermore, certain jobs Why it matters: “Furthermore” more clearly signals an additional supporting point.
- 8. Use correct object Original: responsibilities Suggested revision: duties Why it matters: Duties are performed, whereas responsibilities are held or fulfilled.
- 9. Fix comparative nouns Original: by man than women Suggested revision: by men than by women Why it matters: The comparison requires parallel plural nouns and a repeated preposition.
- 10. Use precise plural noun Original: should also be given the chance Suggested revision: should also be given opportunities Why it matters: “Opportunities” is more natural when referring generally to access to senior positions.
- 11. Choose accurate verb Original: elected Suggested revision: selected Why it matters: The discussion concerns appointment to company and government roles, not necessarily election.
- 12. Use uncountable gender Original: genders Suggested revision: gender Why it matters: “Gender” is used as an uncountable category in this expression.
Suggested Rewrites
- similar other
- men should be the leaders in companies men should lead companies
- based on the psychological approach from a psychological perspective
- ratio reason
- Therefore they decisions Therefore, their decisions
- men are the better decision makers men are better decision-makers
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response directly discusses both positions and maintains a clear opinion that competence and experience should determine leadership, with relevant public examples supporting women’s suitability. The principal weakness is presentation as one uninterrupted paragraph, compounded by limited explanation of the assumptions behind the first view and frequent language errors. The highest priority is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and develop each claim with less generalisation and greater precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer’s competence-based opinion is clear, although some supporting claims are generalised or only briefly explained.
Develop the reasoning behind each view more critically instead of relying on broad claims about gender.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence of introduction, opposing views, examples, and conclusion is discernible, but the entire response is presented as one paragraph.
Use separate introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with one controlling idea developed in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate topic vocabulary, but inaccurate choices and collocations such as “use ratio” and “based on genders” reduce precision.
Use natural leadership-related collocations and check noun forms, number, and prepositions when expressing abstract ideas.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence forms, but article, agreement, possessive, comparison, and clause errors occur regularly without usually obscuring meaning.
Proofread systematically for articles and noun agreement, and ensure every complex clause has a complete grammatical structure.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that managerial posts in private companies and in government are more suitable for men. Others think that given the opportunity women can be successful managers. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.