Women can do everything that men can and they even do it better. They also can do many things that men cannot. But it is a fact that their work is not appreciated as much as men’s, although they have to sacrifice a lot for their family and career. It is said: “A woman’s place is in the home.” What do you think?
Sample Response
Women and men have had different roles in the community since the beginning. Under modern pretexts these differences are slowly converging. However, due to the genetic inheritance and socio-demographic components, these differences do exist.
Firstly, men are undoubtedly better adapted genetically to perform physical tasks. Therefore, the assumption that women can match men in everything is clearly flawed. The difference between their physical abilities is clearly demonstrated in the sporting arena. Take, for example, the Olympics or any international sporting event. It can be clearly seen that in these competitions the genders are separated due to inherent differences between the sexes.
Secondly, it has been argued that women are less appreciated in society due to their traditional roles in the home. This statement is true to a certain extent because it largely depends on the society. In certain traditional societies in Africa, females working is frowned upon and is seen as neglecting the family, whereas in Afghanistan, in general, females are allowed to do little else but stay at home, being a housewife.
Consequently, a woman’s value is largely dictated by the society, culture and history. Nevertheless, to state that her place is in the home is widely considered sexist in modern western societies.
To conclude, differences do certainly exist; however, these are largely through nature. Also, the role women may have is usually dictated by other factors, such as, religion or society, not ability.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct word choice Original: Under modern pretexts Suggested revision: In modern times Why it matters: Pretexts means false reasons or excuses, so it does not express the intended time setting.
- 2. Describe differences accurately Original: these differences are slowly converging Suggested revision: these differences are gradually diminishing Why it matters: Differences can diminish, whereas people or trends converge.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: due to the genetic inheritance Suggested revision: due to genetic inheritance Why it matters: Genetic inheritance is used generically here and does not require the definite article.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: socio-demographic components Suggested revision: sociodemographic factors Why it matters: Factors is the natural academic term for influences of this kind.
- 5. Improve adverb placement Original: better adapted genetically Suggested revision: genetically better adapted Why it matters: Placing genetically before the comparative phrase makes its scope immediately clear.
- 6. Specify the society Original: it largely depends on the society Suggested revision: it largely depends on the society in question Why it matters: The added qualifier makes clear that the claim varies from one society to another.
- 7. Use a natural noun phrase Original: females working is frowned upon Suggested revision: women's employment is frowned upon Why it matters: The possessive noun phrase expresses the activity more naturally and formally.
- 8. Match plural subject Original: stay at home, being a housewife Suggested revision: stay at home as housewives Why it matters: The plural noun housewives agrees with females and as expresses the role directly.
- 9. Use parallel nouns Original: the society, culture and history Suggested revision: society, culture, and history Why it matters: Removing the article gives the three general influences a parallel grammatical form.
- 10. Capitalize regional adjective Original: western Suggested revision: Western Why it matters: Western is capitalized when it denotes a cultural or geopolitical region.
- 11. Clarify causal wording Original: largely through nature Suggested revision: largely due to natural differences Why it matters: Due to natural differences clearly expresses the claimed cause.
- 12. Use plural role Original: role Suggested revision: roles Why it matters: The plural roles fits a general statement about the varied positions women may hold.
Suggested Rewrites
- Under modern pretexts In modern times
- these differences are slowly converging these differences are gradually diminishing
- due to the genetic inheritance due to genetic inheritance
- socio-demographic components sociodemographic factors
- better adapted genetically genetically better adapted
- it largely depends on the society it largely depends on the society in question
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is logically organised and uses varied language to explore biological and social influences on gender roles, reaching a nuanced conclusion about the claim that women belong at home. Its main limitation is that the position is only fully explicit late in the essay, while the response is also slightly under length and some ideas remain compressed. Prioritise a direct thesis and fuller development of the central claim.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the central issue and offers a relevant, nuanced position, but some discussion is indirect or insufficiently developed and the essay is under length.
State the opinion on women's place in the home clearly in the introduction and develop it with one fuller supporting example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through clearly separated stages, with effective paragraphing and generally natural linking.
Make the relationship between the discussion of physical differences and the central home-role claim more explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, although a few choices such as modern pretexts and females working are awkward.
Use more natural academic collocations when describing social change and women's employment.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a good range of complex sentences with generally strong control despite a few agreement and phrasing errors.
Check agreement and clause construction in phrases such as females working is to improve accuracy.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Women can do everything that men can and they even do it better. They also can do many things that men cannot. But it is a fact that their work is not appreciated as much as men’s, although they have to sacrifice a lot for their family and career. It is said: “A woman’s place is in the home.” What do you think?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.