Some people like to spend their leisure time after work with co-workers while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
After finishing work, many people strive to carve out an independent private life and therefore eschew meeting colleagues socially. In my opinion, strong bonds with co-workers are justifiably common but it is more important to have a stable network of friends outside work.
The main advantage of fraternising with other employees after work is convenience. Employees get off work at the same time and it is easy to make plans. Most workers chat with each about their plans for the evening and then invite each other to get a drink, go to dinner, play sport or catch a movie. Since colleagues work together all day, they have a good idea of each other’s personality and will naturally congregate with the characters and groups they are predisposed towards. This organic process of meeting up with their close friends at work can quickly become an entrenched habit to look forward to at the end of the workday.
Nonetheless, a varied social life is crucial in order to maintain better mental health. Conversations with co-workers inevitably turn to office related gossip and gripes about work. These self-serving and repetitive dialogues do little more than weakly reinforce one’s self-esteem. When talking with an old school friend or former co-worker one is more likely to forget about work and delve into other subjects. The result is relief of work-related stress and freedom from reinforcement of your inner drives to compare, belittle, gossip, and complain. Over time, the mental toll of being immersed in work the entire day can lead to feelings of depression and frustration, while the opposite is true of those who compartmentalise work and social life.
In conclusion, spending one’s leisure time with a wider sphere of friends is key to good mental health. As people today become increasingly isolated, it is especially important to have a secure group of friends beyond the workplace.
1.After finishing work, many people strive to carve out an independent private life and therefore eschew meeting colleagues socially. 2.In my opinion, strong bonds with co-workers are justifiably common but it is more important to have a stable network of friends outside work.
1. Paraphrase the overall essay topic. 2. Write a clear opinion by choosing one side overall.
1. The main advantage of fraternising with other employees after work is convenience. 2. Employees get off work at the same time and it is easy to make plans. 3. Most workers chat with each about their plans for the evening and then invite each other to get a drink, go to dinner, play sport or catch a movie. 4. Since colleagues work together all day, they have a good idea of each other’s personality and will naturally congregate with the characters and groups they are predisposed towards. 5. This organic process of meeting up with their close friends at work can quickly become an entrenched habit to look forward to at the end of the workday.
1. Write aclear topic sentencewith a main idea at the end. 2. Explain or begin developing your main idea. 3. Use specific details – notice how specific and not general my ideas are. 4. Continue developing your main idea with a logical argument or an example. 5. Draw conclusions or state the final result to finish the paragraph.
1. Nonetheless, a varied social life is crucial in order to maintain better mental health. 2. Conversations with co-workers inevitably turn to office related gossip and gripes about work. 3. These self-serving and repetitive dialogues do little more than weakly reinforce one’s self-esteem. 4. When talking with an old school friend or former co-worker one is more likely to forget about work and delve into other subjects. 5. The result is relief of work-related stress and freedom from reinforcement of your inner drives to compare, belittle, gossip, and complain. 6. Over time, the mental toll of being immersed in work the entire day can lead to feelings of depression and frustration, while the opposite is true of those who compartmentalise work and social life.
1. Write another topic sentence with a main idea at the end. 2. Begin to develop your main idea. 3. Continue developing the same main idea – don’t switch to a new one. 4. State the results of your arguments/points. 5. Continue drawing out the results and be very specific. 6. Here I draw the reults out as far as I can.
1. In conclusion, spending one’s leisure time with a wider sphere of friends is key to good mental health. 2. As people today become increasingly isolated, it is especially important to have a secure group of friends beyond the workplace.
1. Repeat your opinion. 2. Add a final detail/thought for full marks from the IELTS examiner.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural adverb Original: justifiably Suggested revision: understandably Why it matters: Understandably describes why these workplace relationships are common more naturally.
- 2. Use neutral wording Original: fraternising Suggested revision: socialising Why it matters: Socialising is clearer and more neutral in this discussion of time spent with colleagues.
- 3. Complete reciprocal phrase Original: 3. Most workers chat with each Suggested revision: 3. Most workers chat with each other Why it matters: The reciprocal expression requires other after each.
- 4. Use plural noun Original: personality Suggested revision: personalities Why it matters: The plural possessors refer to multiple individual personalities.
- 5. Improve the collocation Original: 5. This organic process of meeting up with their close friends at work can quickly become an entrenched habit Suggested revision: 5. This organic process of meeting up with their close friends at work can quickly become a regular habit Why it matters: Regular habit fits an anticipated routine more naturally than entrenched habit.
- 6. Use natural phrasing Original: 3. These self-serving and repetitive dialogues do little more than weakly reinforce Suggested revision: 3. These self-serving and repetitive dialogues provide little more than weak reinforcement of Why it matters: The revision avoids the awkward verb-adverb combination while preserving the claim.
- 7. Keep pronouns consistent Original: 5. The result is relief of work-related stress and freedom from reinforcement of your inner drives Suggested revision: 5. The result is relief from work-related stress and freedom from the reinforcement of one’s inner drives Why it matters: The revision maintains the paragraph's third-person reference and corrects the preposition after relief.
- 8. Repair unclear instruction Original: Write aclear topic sentencewith a main idea at the end Suggested revision: Write a clear topic sentence that states the main idea at the end Why it matters: The revision restores readable wording and clarifies the relationship between the topic sentence and its main idea.
- 9. Use concise wording Original: notice how specific and not general my ideas are Suggested revision: make the ideas specific rather than general Why it matters: The revision removes the personal aside and expresses the instruction directly.
- 10. Avoid slash wording Original: arguments/points Suggested revision: arguments Why it matters: One precise noun is clearer and more formal than a slash-separated alternative.
- 11. Correct spelling Original: reults Suggested revision: results Why it matters: The word results is misspelled.
- 12. Clarify the action Original: or Suggested revision: and Why it matters: Using and removes the uncertainty created by two alternative instructions.
Suggested Rewrites
- justifiably understandably
- fraternising socialising
- 3. Most workers chat with each 3. Most workers chat with each other
- personality personalities
- 5. This organic process of meeting up with their close friends at work can quickly become an entrenched habit 5. This organic process of meeting up with their close friends at work can quickly become a regular habit
- 3. These self-serving and repetitive dialogues do little more than weakly reinforce 3. These self-serving and repetitive dialogues provide little more than weak reinforcement of
Why this response received Band 6.0
The initial four-paragraph essay is focused, logically developed, and expressed with strong vocabulary and generally accurate complex grammar. However, the response then reproduces the essay sentence by sentence and adds extensive writing instructions, creating major irrelevance, repetition, and a broken overall structure. Submit only the finished essay; removing all duplicated commentary is the highest-priority change and would allow the underlying quality to be assessed clearly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The opening essay discusses both views and states a clear opinion, but the extensive duplicated text and instructional notes make the submitted response substantially irrelevant and unfocused.
Remove every repeated sentence and all writing guidance so the submission contains only the completed response to the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
The initial essay has clear paragraphing and progression, but the repeated annotated version destroys the coherence of the response as a whole.
End after the original conclusion and retain the coherent four-paragraph structure without appended notes.
Lexical Resource
The core essay demonstrates flexible, topic-appropriate vocabulary, despite some awkward combinations and typographical errors in the appended material.
Refine less natural phrases and proofread for errors such as aclear and reults.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The finished essay uses a wide range of well-controlled complex sentences, with only occasional lapses in punctuation and reference.
Maintain consistent pronoun reference and add commas around introductory clauses where needed.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people like to spend their leisure time after work with co-workers while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.