Some people believe that students should acquire working experience during their gap year instead of traveling. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Some feel that if a student decides to take a gap-year it is better to work than to travel. I am generally in agreement with this proposition as it will better prepare individuals to choose a university major.
Those who argue in favor of travel contend that after school, individuals may be too busy to travel for an extended period. Graduates must typically either begin applying for graduate school or for positions in the workforce. Once a person has a job, they will then only have limited time for holidays, most of which they are likely to spend with family. This is why many high school graduates take advantage of the freedom before university to explore exotic destinations that require long flights like countries in Southeast Asia and South America.
However, there is immense value in work experience that can inform one’s future career choices. Most students are ill-equipped to make a career choice at the age of 18 and this is reflected in the number of graduates who switch jobs and never establish a career in their field of study. By working for a year, not only will students have a firmer understanding of the challenges of the typical workweek, but they might also gain perspective as to what kind of work they enjoy. For instance, a prospective film student who interns at a film studio may decide that they would prefer to work in a less stressful environment and subsequently change majors.
In conclusion, despite the singular opportunity to travel that a gap-year provides, it is more important to work and learn one’s career inclinations. There could naturally also be some balance between work and travel.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the pronoun Original: this proposition as it will better prepare Suggested revision: this proposition because working will better prepare Why it matters: Naming working removes the ambiguous reference of it.
- 2. Clarify the time frame Original: after school, individuals may be too busy Suggested revision: after leaving school, individuals may be too busy Why it matters: After school can mean after classes each day, whereas after leaving school conveys the intended life stage.
- 3. Keep education stage consistent Original: applying for graduate school Suggested revision: applying to university Why it matters: Graduate school conflicts with the later reference to high school graduates preparing to enter university.
- 4. Use concise wording Original: for positions in the workforce Suggested revision: for jobs Why it matters: Jobs expresses the same idea more directly.
- 5. Remove awkward sequencing Original: they will then only have limited time Suggested revision: they will have only limited time Why it matters: Then is unnecessary because once already establishes the sequence.
- 6. Fix the comparison Original: long flights like countries in Southeast Asia and South America Suggested revision: long-haul trips to countries in Southeast Asia and South America Why it matters: Countries are destinations rather than examples of flights.
- 7. Add the clause comma Original: age of 18 and this Suggested revision: age of 18, and this Why it matters: A comma is needed before and when it joins two independent clauses.
- 8. Use natural phrasing Original: gain perspective as to what kind Suggested revision: gain insight into what kind Why it matters: Gain insight into is more idiomatic and precise in this context.
- 9. Remove the hyphen Original: gap-year provides Suggested revision: gap year provides Why it matters: The noun gap year is written without a hyphen.
- 10. Use a clearer verb Original: learn one’s career inclinations Suggested revision: identify one’s career preferences Why it matters: Identify preferences expresses discovering suitable work more naturally than learn inclinations.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: There could naturally also be some balance between work and travel. Suggested revision: Naturally, students could also balance work and travel during a gap year. Why it matters: The rewrite replaces the vague existential opening with a clear subject while preserving the possibility of combining both activities.
Suggested Rewrites
- this proposition as it will better prepare this proposition because working will better prepare
- after school, individuals may be too busy after leaving school, individuals may be too busy
- applying for graduate school applying to university
- for positions in the workforce for jobs
- they will then only have limited time they will have only limited time
- long flights like countries in Southeast Asia and South America long-haul trips to countries in Southeast Asia and South America
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is focused, persuasive, and logically organised, with a clear preference for work experience supported by a specific and convincing example. The only notable limitation is that the final suggestion of balancing work and travel is introduced too briefly to integrate fully with the established position. The highest-priority improvement is to clarify that qualification in the conclusion or omit it, preserving the essay's otherwise strong precision and consistency.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay answers the question directly, maintains a clear qualified agreement, and develops both the alternative view and the preferred position convincingly.
Either explain how limited travel could coexist with the preferred year of work or remove the final balance point so the qualification is fully developed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and progression are highly effective, with cohesive devices used naturally to guide the comparison and argument.
Link the final sentence more explicitly to the preceding conclusion so it reads as a deliberate qualification rather than an added afterthought.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible, precise, and well suited to the topic, with only very minor lapses in phrasing.
Refine small choices such as singular opportunity and maintain consistently natural noun forms for gap year throughout.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used accurately and flexibly, with only rare minor punctuation or hyphenation slips.
Proofread compound forms and punctuation around longer clauses to eliminate the few remaining surface-level inaccuracies.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that students should acquire working experience during their gap year instead of traveling. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.