In some countries older people are being encouraged to work longer and not to retire. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working beyond retirement age.
Sample Response
Most people choose to retire after reaching the age of sixty five. Benefits drawn from company pensions and government funding are some driving factors behind their decision. Although people in some countries encourage their senior citizens to lead a peaceful retired life, others differ in opinion and believe that their aged compatriots must keep working for as long as they can. Working beyond the retirement age has its advantages and disadvantagespros and cons, which will be analyzed before drawing a reasoned conclusion.
One advantage is thatFor one, it is said that retirement can be harmfulretirement is destructive and old people must keep their bodies and mindstheir body and mind active by engaging in some meaningfulconstructive work. Many national governmentsThe governments of many nations support employment initiatives for their olderaged citizens. For example, Walmart in the USAWalmart in USA employs people aged over sixtypeople over sixty. They are assigned jobs which suit their capabilities. Thus, working after retirement gives oldersenior people an opportunity to socialize, be involved with their communities and earn some money.
Conversely, people in some nations strongly oppose the idea of employing aged citizens. For instance, Indians do not like to burden their old family members with stressful responsibilities. This is because working after a certain age compromises a person’s physical well-beingcompromises with the physical well- being of a person. Therefore, olderaged people must be encouraged to enjoy their golden age and lead a stress free life.
After analyzing these two stances, it can be recommended that senior citizens must be given the freedom to work if they are keen on pursuing jobs that suit them. The decision must be left entirely to their discretion, albeit with their doctor’s approval.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents both sides clearly, using a relevant employment example and a sensible concluding recommendation. The disadvantage side is noticeably thinner and depends on a broad cultural generalisation, while several awkward collocations weaken otherwise effective language. The main improvement is to develop the health-related drawback with a more specific explanation or example and replace imprecise expressions with natural academic phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both advantages and disadvantages are addressed with relevant support, though the disadvantage is less fully developed.
Extend the health drawback with a concrete mechanism or example that matches the detail given to the advantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress clearly through a conventional structure, and cohesive devices guide the reader without obscuring the argument.
Make the introduction more concise and strengthen the transition from the disadvantage example to its broader implication.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a varied vocabulary, but several expressions are unnatural or imprecise despite remaining understandable.
Replace awkward combinations such as compromises with physical well-being with concise, idiomatic academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and simple sentence forms are handled with generally strong accuracy, with only occasional minor lapses.
Refine article use, hyphenation, and punctuation so that the otherwise controlled sentences read consistently smoothly.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries older people are being encouraged to work longer and not to retire. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working beyond retirement age.
Your response
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