People only work hard for money and there are no other reasons for doing that. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is sometimes asserted that the sole reason for people to work diligently is financial gain. I largely disagree with this assertion, as many individuals also value their social contributions and personal growth, even though income can be of great importance to workers’ lives. The foremost rationale for my disapproval of the notion that people work hard for no reasons other than money lies in the significance of their contributions. It is common for people to work wholeheartedly to contribute to the development of their communities and countries. For instance, it has been reported that numerous Chinese engineers have been working on new models of electric cars as they are inspired by the country’s ambition to lead the global automobile industry. Another reason why I disapprove that the only motive behind diligent workers is monetary incentives is the pursuit of self-development. Some individuals consistently challenge their limits, aiming to advance themselves. An illustrative example of this is Cristiano Ronaldo. At the age of 38, he continues to work on his physical strength and football skills daily to improve his performance on the field and win more titles. If his efforts were all about money, he would have retired years ago after having already amassed billions from the sport. However, I acknowledge the role of a good income in some people’s lives. They are the ones who might struggle financially and are driven to work diligently to increase their salaries. Increased pay, in turn, can allow them to not only earn a living but also afford a higher standard of living for their families. Provided that they could not earn extra, their motivation to work diligently might diminish significantly. In conclusion, I mostly reject the view that money is the sole motivation for people to pursue their careers wholeheartedly given the fact that some people have unique social and personal causes despite the potential monetary benefits. That is why companies should study their employees’ motivations thoroughly to inspire them effectively.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use singular expression Original: reasons Suggested revision: reason Why it matters: The fixed expression uses the singular noun reason.
- 2. Correct verb complement Original: disapprove that Suggested revision: reject the idea that Why it matters: Disapprove does not take a that-clause directly in this construction.
- 3. Correct the relationship Original: motive behind diligent workers Suggested revision: motivation for diligent work Why it matters: A motive explains the work rather than existing behind the workers themselves.
- 4. Fix number agreement Original: incentives Suggested revision: reward Why it matters: The singular subject motive requires a singular complement in this structure.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: advance Suggested revision: develop Why it matters: Develop themselves is the natural collocation for personal improvement.
- 6. Improve collocation Original: work on his physical strength Suggested revision: improve his physical fitness Why it matters: Improve physical fitness is more idiomatic and fits the wider training context.
- 7. Clarify the reference Original: They are the ones Suggested revision: This is especially true of people Why it matters: The revision links the sentence to the preceding concession more clearly.
- 8. Use accurate agency Original: increase their salaries Suggested revision: earn higher incomes Why it matters: Workers can earn more, whereas employers usually determine salary increases.
- 9. Correct conditional form Original: Provided that they could not earn extra Suggested revision: If they could not earn more Why it matters: If accurately introduces this hypothetical negative condition, while provided that normally states a sufficient condition.
- 10. Choose precise noun Original: unique social and personal causes Suggested revision: social and personal motivations Why it matters: Motivations accurately describes reasons for working, whereas causes is unnatural here.
- 11. Use natural phrasing Original: social contributions Suggested revision: contributions to society Why it matters: Contributions to society states the intended public benefit more naturally.
- 12. Use concise wording Original: of great importance to workers’ lives Suggested revision: important in workers’ lives Why it matters: The revision expresses the same concession more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- reasons reason
- disapprove that reject the idea that
- motive behind diligent workers motivation for diligent work
- incentives reward
- advance develop
- work on his physical strength improve his physical fitness
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, consistently maintained position, supported by relevant arguments and specific examples throughout. Its main limitation is presentation: the entire essay forms one paragraph, which obscures the otherwise logical stages, while several over-engineered collocations reduce naturalness. Prioritize dividing the argument into purposeful paragraphs and then simplifying awkward phrasing so the reasoning reads more fluently and professionally.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear degree of disagreement is sustained and developed through relevant social, personal, and financial motivations.
Keep the conclusion tightly focused on the question by omitting the undeveloped recommendation about what companies should do.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a logical sequence and uses clear transitions, but the complete absence of paragraph breaks significantly weakens organisation.
Separate the introduction, each main reason, the financial qualification, and the conclusion into distinct, purposeful paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad and flexible vocabulary, though several collocations sound strained or imprecise, including ‘advance themselves’ and ‘unique social and personal causes’.
Choose more natural combinations such as ‘develop themselves’ and ‘social and personal motivations’ instead of forcing elevated wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are generally controlled well, with only occasional agreement and phrasing problems that do not obscure meaning.
Correct local mismatches such as the singular ‘motive’ with plural ‘monetary incentives’ and simplify overlong sentence frames.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People only work hard for money and there are no other reasons for doing that. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.