Some people work harder than other. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative habit?
Sample Response
Some people work harder than others. In my opinion, this is due to natural differences in temperament and it is largely a positive characteristic, though there are exceptions.
The main motivating factor behind disparities in work ethic is character. The extent to which this is genetic or imbued by parents and other influences during childhood is in debate. There can be little doubt, however, that some are born with a natural proclivity to focus and the willpower to push themselves to accomplish their work. Well known examples of this abound in the biographies of great men. Naturally, in each of these cases, there tends to be situational factors underpinning such ambitious drives and these include a supportive family, access to quality education, and lack of neglect or abuse.
On the whole, working hard is a positive trait. This does not hold true in exceptional instances where individuals are surrounded by psychological problems and work to the detriment of their own well-being. Most employees and entrepreneurs can balance home and work life and therefore minimise the tradeoffs. The advantages, on the other hand, are substantial. A diligent worker can expect to earn more money, which can then be used to support their family or invested back into a passion project. Elon Musk is a quintessential example of a hard-working businessman who has profited individually and now contributes greatly to the advancement of mankind through a variety of forward-looking initiatives.
In conclusion, hard work has its source in the make-up of an individual and results in mostly positive benefits. Nonetheless, those who are driven must be wary of losing sight of their true goals as they achieve higher levels of success.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: a natural proclivity Suggested revision: a proclivity Why it matters: Proclivity already describes an inherent tendency, so natural is unnecessary here.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: accomplish Suggested revision: complete Why it matters: Complete their work is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 3. Fix subject-verb agreement Original: tends Suggested revision: tend Why it matters: The plural subject situational factors requires the plural verb tend.
- 4. Use concise wording Original: such ambitious drives Suggested revision: such ambition Why it matters: Such ambition expresses the idea more naturally and concisely.
- 5. Improve the collocation Original: individuals are surrounded by psychological problems Suggested revision: individuals experience psychological problems Why it matters: People experience psychological problems rather than being surrounded by them.
- 6. Clarify possessive reference Original: balance home and work life Suggested revision: balance their home and work lives Why it matters: The possessive determiner and plural lives make clear that each person balances both areas of life.
- 7. Use accurate transition Original: on the other hand Suggested revision: overall Why it matters: The sentence returns to the main positive position rather than introducing the opposing side of a paired contrast.
- 8. Use concise collocation Original: invested back into a passion project Suggested revision: reinvested in a passion project Why it matters: Reinvested in expresses the idea more directly and uses the correct preposition.
- 9. Use natural phrasing Original: profited individually Suggested revision: benefited personally Why it matters: Benefited personally is a more natural way to describe an individual's gains.
- 10. Avoid redundant wording Original: mostly positive benefits Suggested revision: mainly positive outcomes Why it matters: Benefits is already positive, so positive benefits is redundant.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: The extent to which this is genetic or imbued by parents and other influences during childhood is in debate. Suggested revision: The extent to which this is genetic or shaped by parents and other childhood influences is open to debate. Why it matters: The rewrite corrects the collocations while preserving the contrast between inherited and childhood influences.
Suggested Rewrites
- a natural proclivity a proclivity
- accomplish complete
- tends tend
- such ambitious drives such ambition
- individuals are surrounded by psychological problems individuals experience psychological problems
- balance home and work life balance their home and work lives
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response fully addresses both questions through a clear, nuanced position and well-developed reasoning, and its argument progresses smoothly from causes to evaluation. Its main limitation is occasional awkward or imprecise phrasing alongside a small number of agreement errors in otherwise sophisticated sentences. The priority is to refine collocations and proofread complex constructions so the strong ideas are expressed with consistently natural precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both the cause of harder work and its positive or negative character are explored directly, with a clear qualified position and well-supported ideas.
Make the causal analysis even more exact by distinguishing innate temperament from environmental influences rather than grouping them loosely.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically sequenced, paragraphing is effective, and cohesive links guide the reader without drawing excessive attention.
Use contrast markers with slightly greater precision where an exception is being qualified rather than an opposing argument introduced.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide and often precise, with effective less common items, though a few collocations sound strained or unnatural.
Refine phrases such as imbued by parents, surrounded by psychological problems, and profited individually into more idiomatic expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are varied and generally accurate, with only occasional non-impeding errors such as faulty agreement in an existential construction.
Proofread agreement in structures such as there tends to be situational factors and maintain the same high control throughout.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people work harder than other. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative habit?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.