The increase in people's life expectancy means that they have to work older to pay for their retirement. One alternative is that people start to work at a younger age. Is the alternative a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
Due to the increasingdeveloping competition between many countries in the world, some peopleopinions argue that people should start to work at a younger agein younger age, instead of working until an older ageworking older in order to pay for their retirement. In my viewFrom an objective perspective, I strongly believestate that this is absolutely a negative development. Firstly, the learningstudying abilities of youngsters are generally considered greater than those of older peoplealways are assessed higher than elders. AdolescenceThe period of adolescent time should be used for consolidating their knowledge and professionalworking skills, and this will provide a foundationthis will be a spring board to gain an edge in their careersto be a cutting edge of their occupation in the futurein future. Because, turning the deliberated eyes to this issue, governments, especially the developed nations, have been investing in the tertiary programs in order to rise the effect of human and financial resources, as well as leading the development of economy simultaneously. It is can name the cases of England, Australia, USA, etc, not only does the tertiary education play an important role in providing the great number of effective employees who come from those nations but also it has attracted others who come from other nations. Furthermore, the workingoccupation age is frequently synonymous with the levelclass of experience, and it is obvious that young people cannot compete with older people in this respectyoungsters could not win elders in this competition. Work experience accumulates over timeWorking experiences have been contributed day by day and this factor enables an employee to develop professional skillsmakes an employee who has capable of doing professional skills. For instance in Japan, with the law that extends the residents' working process, the economic efforts are ameliorated rapidly and obviously became the paragon for developing countries. To conclude, as the aforementioned opinions, I strongly support the laws that extend the working age for retirement instead of encouraging to work early.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response’s clearest strength is its firm, consistent view that beginning work earlier is undesirable, supported by two broadly relevant ideas about education and experience. However, much of the reasoning is difficult to follow and the country examples do not convincingly prove the claims. The priority is to develop each main idea through a clear cause-and-effect explanation, using precise language and one directly relevant example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear negative position is maintained, but the reasons are only partly developed and the examples do not clearly support the argument.
Explain exactly how protecting education and extending later employment make early entry into work harmful, then support each point with relevant evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Basic sequencing is visible through signposting, but the single-block presentation and unclear links between claims weaken progression.
Separate the introduction, each main reason, and the conclusion into paragraphs, with each paragraph following one explicit logical chain.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts varied and ambitious vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations make several ideas awkward or difficult to understand.
Prefer accurate combinations such as developing skills, improving productivity, and gaining experience over elaborate phrases whose meanings are uncertain.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in word order, clause construction, articles, and verb forms regularly reduce clarity.
Build shorter complete sentences with controlled subject-verb patterns before combining them into more complex structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The increase in people's life expectancy means that they have to work older to pay for their retirement. One alternative is that people start to work at a younger age. Is the alternative a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.