Some people do not go directly to college but travel or work for a short time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
While some people prefer to go straight to university after graduating from high school, others choose to take a gap year in order to travel or work. From my point of view, the advantages of taking some time off after leaving high school far outweigh any disadvantages that this trend may bring.
On the one hand, pursuing tertiary education immediately after finishing high school does have some disadvantages. Firstly, some people know exactly what career path they wish to follow and are highly motivated to undertake the necessary steps needed to achieve their dreams. Taking a gap year could serve as a waste of time and money for such people, and may even cause some young people to lose sight of their previous goals. Secondly, some young people may find earning money while working to be much more appealing than going back to study. This could detract them from wanting to pursue further education, which could have significant disadvantages in the long run.
On the other hand, taking time off from studying to travel or work has countless benefits for young people. Although some high school graduates know exactly what they want to do in life, I believe that most young people have very little idea. This is largely due to the fact that kids these days live very sheltered lives, and do not know much about how the ‘real world’ actually functions. Taking a gap year is going to allow them to get some real-life experience, and broaden their horizons about their possible future career. Furthermore, kids these days are put through twelve years of schooling which can be exhausting for many. Taking a break to travel or work will help to prepare them for further education.
In conclusion, I believe that taking time off to travel or work before attending university would be highly beneficial to most young people today.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: undertake the necessary steps needed Suggested revision: take the necessary steps Why it matters: Necessary and needed duplicate the same meaning in this phrase.
- 2. Use natural wording Original: serve as a waste of time and money Suggested revision: be a waste of time and money Why it matters: Be is the natural verb for describing something as a waste.
- 3. Remove the comma Original: such people, and may Suggested revision: such people and may Why it matters: The two verbs share the same subject, so this comma should be removed.
- 4. Remove repetition Original: earning money while working Suggested revision: earning money Why it matters: Earning money already implies working in this context.
- 5. Correct the collocation Original: detract them from wanting to pursue Suggested revision: deter them from pursuing Why it matters: Deter someone from doing something is the correct construction for discouragement.
- 6. Use precise wording Original: which could have significant disadvantages in the long run Suggested revision: which could disadvantage them in the long run Why it matters: The revision states clearly who would experience the negative effect.
- 7. Avoid overstatement Original: countless Suggested revision: many Why it matters: Many is a more measured description of the benefits discussed.
- 8. Use formal wording Original: kids these days live very sheltered lives Suggested revision: young people today often lead sheltered lives Why it matters: Young people today is more appropriate for a formal essay, and often avoids an absolute claim.
- 9. Use concise future form Original: is going to allow Suggested revision: will allow Why it matters: Will is the more concise future form for this prediction.
- 10. Remove the comma Original: real-life experience, and Suggested revision: real-life experience and Why it matters: The coordinated verb phrases share one subject and do not need a comma.
- 11. Fix the collocation Original: broaden their horizons about Suggested revision: broaden their understanding of Why it matters: Broaden one's understanding of is the natural construction before a specific topic.
- 12. Add a clause comma Original: schooling which can be exhausting Suggested revision: schooling, which can be exhausting Why it matters: The clause adds a comment about the full period of schooling and should be set off with a comma.
Suggested Rewrites
- undertake the necessary steps needed take the necessary steps
- serve as a waste of time and money be a waste of time and money
- such people, and may such people and may
- earning money while working earning money
- detract them from wanting to pursue deter them from pursuing
- which could have significant disadvantages in the long run which could disadvantage them in the long run
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response maintains a clear view that the benefits of a gap year predominate and supports both sides with relevant, logically ordered ideas. Its main limitation is uneven precision: the disadvantage paragraph opens with a misleading topic sentence, while several phrases are informal or awkwardly collocated. The highest-priority improvement is to frame each paragraph around the gap year's actual advantages or disadvantages and express those comparisons more precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay answers the comparative question clearly and develops relevant disadvantages and benefits while sustaining its position.
Explain more explicitly why the stated benefits outweigh the risks, especially the brief point about recovering from years of schooling.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and progression are clear, although the first body paragraph's opening misidentifies the disadvantages being discussed.
Rewrite that topic sentence to announce the disadvantages of taking a gap year and align it directly with the paragraph's supporting ideas.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary has good range, but awkward collocations and informal repetition reduce precision in places.
Replace phrases such as serve as a waste, detract them, and kids these days with accurate, suitably formal alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentences is produced with strong control, and the few minor lapses do not impede meaning.
Tighten coordination and punctuation in longer sentences so each relationship between clauses is completely precise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people do not go directly to college but travel or work for a short time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.