Many working people get little or no exercise during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?
Sample Response
In this materialistic era, people have become lunatic after money, and in order to earn bread and butter and for their wish to lead a luxurious life, they do overwork even at the cost of sacrificing their spare time; consequently, find less or now and then no time for a workout. This articulation will elucidate the justification of my standpoint in the subsequent paragraphs.
At the outset, The paradigm shift is responsible for making people involved in varied occupations. So, masses do overwork in order to lead a prosperous life with all modern amenities. Thus, they don’t get time for taking exercise or gentle walk to keep themselves fit. So, scarcity of time is a big issue for them. Besides, sales of supplements are escalating in the Indian market. So, people find it convenient to take pills that help in reducing weight, provide essential minerals as well as a good physique. This thing also doesn’t let them take any sort of exercise. Furthermore, having no leisure park in any city or town is another reason for making people’s lifestyle sedentary, and due to the above-mentioned reasons, people are confronting serious health hazards, namely obesity, heart attacks, last but certainly not least stress and which is considered the mother of all ailments.
Furthermore, health issues that originate only due to a sedentary lifestyle or overwork can be handled with a fixed routine of the people as well as with the endeavours of local authorities. To be very specific, masses must have some leisure time for a gentle walk in the morning as well as after taking dinner in the evening. Taking time off from the office in a month, if it is not possible after a week, is an ideal option and utilize that time to do domestic chores and in this way, individuals can reduce their stress to some extent, and they can spend their time with their near and dear ones. Thus, they will be able to tackle pressure both at work and at home. Resultantly, they will remain strong both physically and mentally.
In conclusion, Thus, there are myriad of reasons behind people’s sedentary lifestyle and not getting enough time for workout, such as lack of time, availability of supplements. Out of many solutions, a fixed schedule for some exercises, taking time off are a few solutions to remove health hazards.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural wording Original: lunatic after money Suggested revision: obsessed with money Why it matters: The original expression is unnatural and uses ‘lunatic’ inaccurately.
- 2. Fix clause structure Original: for their wish to lead Suggested revision: because they wish to lead Why it matters: A causal clause is needed to express why people overwork.
- 3. Use correct collocation Original: they do overwork Suggested revision: they work excessively Why it matters: ‘Do overwork’ is not a natural verb phrase in this context.
- 4. Clarify time shortage Original: less or now and then no time Suggested revision: little or sometimes no time Why it matters: The revision expresses the varying lack of time naturally and precisely.
- 5. Use suitable essay term Original: articulation Suggested revision: essay Why it matters: ‘Articulation’ is an unnatural label for the written response.
- 6. Correct capitalization Original: The Suggested revision: the Why it matters: The word after the introductory phrase should not begin with a capital letter.
- 7. Improve word choice Original: masses do overwork Suggested revision: people work excessively Why it matters: This revision avoids the unnatural noun and verb collocations.
- 8. Fix parallel structure Original: for taking exercise or gentle walk Suggested revision: to exercise or take a gentle walk Why it matters: The two coordinated activities need parallel verb forms.
- 9. Use formal connector Original: So, scarcity of time Suggested revision: Therefore, a lack of time Why it matters: The revision creates a more formal and explicit result link.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: escalating Suggested revision: increasing Why it matters: ‘Increasing’ is the more natural verb for sales figures here.
- 11. Fix verb-object logic Original: provide essential minerals as well as a good physique Suggested revision: provide essential minerals and improve their physique Why it matters: Pills can provide minerals, but ‘provide a physique’ is not grammatically or semantically natural.
- 12. Use precise reference Original: This thing Suggested revision: This reliance on supplements Why it matters: The revision gives the pronoun a clear and specific referent.
Suggested Rewrites
- lunatic after money obsessed with money
- for their wish to lead because they wish to lead
- they do overwork they work excessively
- less or now and then no time little or sometimes no time
- articulation essay
- The the
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers both causes and remedies and is clearly divided into relevant stages of the argument. Its main weakness is uneven, sometimes implausible development, especially the claims about supplements and domestic chores, while frequent awkward phrasing and grammatical slips reduce precision. Prioritise explaining fewer, more convincing causes and solutions with specific causal support, then edit sentences for accurate collocations and complete grammatical structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed, but several causes and solutions are insufficiently supported or only partly convincing.
Develop two strong causes and two practical solutions by explaining exactly how each one leads to the stated outcome.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overall structure and progression, although linking words are repetitive and some long sentences connect ideas awkwardly.
Use fewer mechanical transitions and divide overloaded sentences so that each logical relationship is immediately clear.
Lexical Resource
There is a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate collocations and exaggerated word choices reduce naturalness and precision.
Prefer accurate, familiar expressions such as work long hours and lack exercise facilities over forced or imprecise alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, sentence completion, and coordination remain noticeable.
Check every complex sentence for a clear subject and finite verb, then correct agreement and article use during proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many working people get little or no exercise during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.