Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better?
Sample Response
In today's world majority of young adults are looking for freedom and are try to live without parents, but some of them wish to stay long with their parents as much as they can. Personally, I believe that it is better for all concerned if young adults can continue living with their parents and families for a long time, particularly, till they finish their education or get married. First of all, after becoming an adult, it is best for everyone to head out to embrace our independence. Although it is the most important part to consider finance, because when young adults leave their parents, they face unexpected problems and they have to earn money for the cost of living. For instance, for foods, rent, utilities, and health and other insurance etc. Furthermore, if they are studying they should work hard and study to build their future rather than doing part time jobs that might hamper their education. In Advance, not only the finances but also they should consider the study potential. Whoever prefer to live with their parents and they believe without any pressure they can spend their youth with more freedom than the others. Because they do not worry about rent, food, work etc. Only they need to focus on their studies. Therefore, they get enough sleep as a benefit. In a competitive society, this is the hardest age to pass, for the reason that some young adults have only seen some external views of independent life. From my experiences in university life one of my friends lived in a share accommodation and had fun and party time in her whole university life, but at the end of the year she had to struggle with her studies and had to stay a long time in university to complete her studies. Until they get bad experiences from life some of them remain blind to see the real world. In conclusion, when I consider both arguments it is clear that if young adults live with their families they can get more benefits than the young who live a free life without families. In addition, those who lives with parents get well protection and parents’ guide to enter the right track to reach their life goals.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add comma and article Original: In today's world majority Suggested revision: In today's world, the majority Why it matters: The introductory phrase needs a comma, and “majority” requires the definite article.
- 2. Fix continuous verb Original: try Suggested revision: trying Why it matters: The present continuous requires the “-ing” form after “are.”
- 3. Fix duration phrase Original: wish to stay long with their parents as much as they can Suggested revision: wish to stay with their parents for as long as they can Why it matters: “For as long as” is the natural expression of duration.
- 4. Remove stray comma Original: particularly, till Suggested revision: particularly until Why it matters: No comma should separate the adverb from the time clause, and “until” is more formal.
- 5. Fix pronoun reference Original: our Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The possessive pronoun must match the third-person subject “everyone.”
- 6. Add conditional comma Original: if they are studying they Suggested revision: if they are studying, they Why it matters: The introductory if-clause requires a comma before the main clause.
- 7. Fix subject and agreement Original: Whoever prefer Suggested revision: Those who prefer Why it matters: The plural construction correctly introduces the group and agrees with “prefer.”
- 8. Add content clause Original: and they believe without any pressure Suggested revision: believe that without any pressure Why it matters: The verb “believe” needs a that-clause rather than an extra coordinated subject.
- 9. Clarify freedom comparison Original: with more freedom than the others Suggested revision: more freely than others Why it matters: The adverb correctly modifies how they spend their youth.
- 10. Remove sentence fragment Original: Because they do not worry Suggested revision: They do not worry Why it matters: Removing “Because” turns the isolated dependent clause into a complete sentence.
- 11. Place limiting adverb Original: Only they need Suggested revision: They only need Why it matters: Placing “only” before the verb correctly limits what they need to do.
- 12. Use benefit construction Original: get enough sleep as a benefit Suggested revision: benefit from getting enough sleep Why it matters: “Benefit from” is the natural verb pattern for this advantage.
Suggested Rewrites
- In today's world majority In today's world, the majority
- try trying
- wish to stay long with their parents as much as they can wish to stay with their parents for as long as they can
- particularly, till particularly until
- our their
- if they are studying they if they are studying, they
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear preference for young adults remaining with their families and supports it with relevant financial, educational, and personal considerations. However, the argument is presented as one unbroken paragraph, includes a contradictory early statement, and contains frequent grammatical and collocational errors. The priority is to separate and sequence the main reasons, while revising sentence boundaries and agreement for clearer communication.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear overall choice is supported with relevant reasons and an example, though some ideas are repetitive or internally inconsistent.
Remove the contradictory claim that leaving home is best and develop each advantage of staying with family more distinctly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a discernible sequence, but the absence of paragraphing and several mechanical or unclear links weaken progression.
Use separate introduction, reason, example, and conclusion paragraphs, each centred on one controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the topic, but frequent inaccurate forms and collocations limit precision and flexibility.
Revise awkward phrases such as "study potential," "share accommodation," and "get well protection" into natural collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally recoverable, but frequent errors in agreement, fragments, articles, and clause construction reduce accuracy.
Correct sentence fragments and consistently check subject-verb agreement, especially with plural subjects and relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.