Young people who commit crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
It is irrefutable that the rise of crimes has brought see changes in the lifestyle of individuals and rapidly spread across the world. Youngsters should be treated in the same way as adults when they are engaged in an offence. I endorse the statement wholeheartedly. I have some solid ground to explicate at length in the paragraph to come.
The first and foremost reason is that it does not require any harsh punishment for youngsters; when they are involved in a certain type of crime, according to them, they are already in their learning stage, and their minds are not to competently expand, which they are able to neglect that bad habits and evaluate their right decision. for instance, a regular survey conducted by the United States about the increasing the ratio of crimes among the young people and got shocking results and found in most cases were of youngsters who got distracted from their parts and involved in a better society and addressed with the appropriate lessons which were based on the reality of life without giving strict punishment as an adult. Furthermore, violence in the media can attract young people’s attitudes and behaviour. Lack of parental guidance can lead a teenager to delinquency which eventually leads to becoming stubborn and easily committing crimes. Add it, and domestic violence can force young people onto the streets and into bad company.
It is implicit that the age factor of youngsters is must be considered while giving any strict punishment, thus leading to there would be become means for the nation and spoil their whole life of the juvenile. For instance, bad behaviour is easier to change when a person is grown-up rather than provide hard punishment. Moreover, a youngster might be negatively influenced by time in adult prison, which is totally acceptable at a minor age. In addition, teenagers need re-education and re-socialization rather than penalization because adult sentences are too serve for youngsters. Such as, in the middle east, the Australian government organized several rules and conducted an abundance of seminars for taking care of minors, which they found any crime before the age of 18.
To put it in and nutshell, I pen down saying that juveniles need to know that law is serious and punishment is a good way to teach them this and also get familiar with their mistakes. therefore, the government must develop a committee, especially for teenagers, which brings them accurate morals and crucial aspects of the lifestyle of the youngsters.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: rise of crimes Suggested revision: rise in crime Why it matters: Rise in crime is the standard collocation for an increase in offending.
- 2. Correct the phrase Original: see Suggested revision: significant Why it matters: The original phrase contains an incorrect word and does not convey a clear meaning.
- 3. Use the correct verb Original: engaged in an offence Suggested revision: commit an offence Why it matters: Commit is the standard verb used with offence.
- 4. Use the plural noun Original: some solid ground Suggested revision: solid grounds Why it matters: Grounds is plural when it means reasons supporting an opinion.
- 5. Reference all body paragraphs Original: in the paragraph to come Suggested revision: in the following paragraphs Why it matters: The response develops its reasoning across more than one later paragraph.
- 6. Use the right verb Original: attract Suggested revision: influence Why it matters: Influence accurately describes an effect on attitudes and behaviour.
- 7. Add a relative-clause comma Original: delinquency which Suggested revision: delinquency, which Why it matters: The following non-defining relative clause needs a preceding comma.
- 8. Supply a clear object Original: leads to becoming stubborn Suggested revision: can make them stubborn Why it matters: The revision states clearly who may become stubborn.
- 9. Complete the comparison Original: easily committing crimes Suggested revision: more likely to commit crimes Why it matters: This structure correctly expresses an increased likelihood of offending.
- 10. Use a valid linker Original: Add it, Suggested revision: In addition, Why it matters: The original phrase is not a grammatical additive linking expression.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: provide hard punishment Suggested revision: impose harsh punishment Why it matters: Punishment is imposed, and harsh is the appropriate adjective in this context.
- 12. Correct the intended meaning Original: totally acceptable at a minor age Suggested revision: especially harmful at a young age Why it matters: This wording matches the sentence's claim that adult prison has a negative influence on minors.
Suggested Rewrites
- rise of crimes rise in crime
- see significant
- engaged in an offence commit an offence
- some solid ground solid grounds
- in the paragraph to come in the following paragraphs
- attract influence
Why this response received Band 4.5
The response offers several relevant considerations about juvenile rehabilitation, parental influence, and the risks of adult prison. However, the stated agreement with equal punishment directly conflicts with body paragraphs that advocate leniency, leaving the central position unclear, while frequent grammatical and lexical errors obscure important claims. The priority is to choose one position, organize each paragraph around it, and express the reasoning in shorter, controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant ideas about juvenile punishment are present, but the introduction, body, and conclusion communicate conflicting positions and support is often unclear.
State a consistent agreement or disagreement and make every reason and example directly defend that position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Basic paragraphing is evident, but long overloaded sentences, unclear references, and mechanical linking disrupt progression within the body paragraphs.
Build each paragraph from one topic sentence followed by a clearly explained reason and one logically connected example.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonably broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choice and collocation often distort or obscure meaning.
Use familiar, precise wording for legal and social ideas, and check collocations such as severe punishment and commit a crime.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in clause structure, agreement, articles, word forms, capitalization, and punctuation make several sentences difficult to understand.
Replace run-on sentences with shorter complete sentences, then check subject-verb agreement and clause boundaries in each one.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Young people who commit crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.