Many people believe that young people enjoy life more than older people do. Do you agree or disagree? Why? Explain your position.
Sample Response
Globalisation and metropolitan cultures have revolutionised human life. Have it been for shopping malls, various food chains and extreme sports centres, people have numerous alternatives to enjoy and release the stresses! In apropos of the argument, I am consummate accord with it and I believe that young adults lead an interesting and adventurous life. This opinion is surrounded by various arguments. To begin with, in the wake of available alternatives nowadays, adolescences live a life, which allows them to explore and learn. Youngsters have handy and useful options such as the internet, social media, high-resolution video games, shopping malls, where they can hang out with friends and enjoy anytime. For an instance, as per a report from a leading advertisement agency, 90% parents agreed that children have numerous viable options to engage in, which were not possible in pre-globalization era. Moreover, technological gadgets and social media are majorly intricate to use for old people. Thus, aged people cannot utilise these entertainment mediums and enjoy. In addition, youngsters of the twenty-first century are adventurous and they have a proclivity to perform various extreme sports. In other words, adults participate in high voltage sports such as jumping, skating, paragliding etc., which is never possible for old people. It can be confirmed by a survey done by extreme sports body in the USA. As per the survey, 90% of the adventure sports are executing only because of people less than 30 years of age. Evidently, aged people are not capable and fit enough to enjoy these sports. Biologically young people have a sound body and much enthusiasm than the people in old ages. The sound body and inquisitive mind are two main ingredients to lead a happy and enjoyable life. In this regard, young people lead a better life than older people.
To sum up, I am convinced that technological development and adventure sports have opened multiple new avenues of entertainment for youngsters, which are not feasible for the old people to participate in. Thus, young adults have more alternatives to lead an entertaining life and they utilise it overwhelmingly.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix conditional form Original: Have it been for Suggested revision: Had it not been for Why it matters: The counterfactual conditional requires Had it not been for.
- 2. Use enjoyment phrase Original: alternatives to enjoy Suggested revision: alternatives for enjoyment Why it matters: Alternatives to enjoy incorrectly makes alternatives the object of enjoy.
- 3. Use natural stress phrase Original: release the stresses Suggested revision: relieve stress Why it matters: Relieve stress is the natural collocation for reducing tension.
- 4. Use correct linking phrase Original: In apropos of the argument Suggested revision: Regarding the argument Why it matters: In apropos of is not a grammatical linking expression.
- 5. Fix agreement expression Original: I am consummate accord with it Suggested revision: I am in complete agreement with it Why it matters: The noun accord requires the preposition in, and consummate does not fit this construction.
- 6. Simplify awkward phrase Original: in the wake of available alternatives nowadays Suggested revision: given the alternatives available nowadays Why it matters: The revision expresses the causal relationship more directly and naturally.
- 7. Use person noun Original: adolescences Suggested revision: adolescents Why it matters: Adolescence names a life stage, while adolescents refers to the people.
- 8. Fix plural relative clause Original: live a life, which Suggested revision: lead lives that Why it matters: The plural subject requires lives, and the defining relative clause should not have a comma.
- 9. Add reflexive object Original: enjoy anytime Suggested revision: enjoy themselves at any time Why it matters: Enjoy requires an object here, and at any time is the standard adverbial phrase.
- 10. Remove extra article Original: For an instance Suggested revision: For instance Why it matters: The fixed introductory expression is for instance.
- 11. Add percentage preposition Original: 90% parents Suggested revision: 90% of parents Why it matters: A percentage followed by a noun requires of.
- 12. Describe unavailable options Original: which were not possible Suggested revision: that were not available Why it matters: Options can be available, whereas calling them possible is imprecise here.
Suggested Rewrites
- Have it been for Had it not been for
- alternatives to enjoy alternatives for enjoyment
- release the stresses relieve stress
- In apropos of the argument Regarding the argument
- I am consummate accord with it I am in complete agreement with it
- in the wake of available alternatives nowadays given the alternatives available nowadays
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay maintains a clear position and develops two relevant lines of support: wider access to technology-based entertainment and greater participation in physically demanding activities. Its main weakness is that the argument relies on sweeping assumptions about older people and unsupported survey figures, while frequent unnatural wording reduces credibility. Prioritise balanced, specific comparisons and explain how age affects opportunities without claiming that older adults cannot enjoy technology or active leisure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A consistent position is supported by relevant arguments about digital entertainment and physical activity, but the evidence is narrow, overgeneralised, and sometimes implausible.
Use credible examples and acknowledge variation within age groups before explaining why younger people may have broader access to particular activities.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning moves clearly from technology to adventure sports and then to physical capacity, although the oversized body paragraph and mechanical transitions weaken organisation.
Separate the technology and physical-activity arguments into focused body paragraphs, each ending with an explicit link to enjoyment.
Lexical Resource
The essay attempts an ambitious range, but frequent inappropriate expressions such as 'consummate accord', 'majorly intricate', 'high voltage sports', and 'utilise it overwhelmingly' impair naturalness.
Choose simpler precise language, such as 'strongly agree', 'difficult to use', 'extreme sports', and 'make extensive use of these options'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of structures is attempted, but frequent errors in clauses, comparisons, articles, and passive forms sometimes make sentences difficult to process.
Correct core patterns such as 'Had it not been for', '90% of parents', 'more enthusiasm than', and 'sports are practised' before adding complex vocabulary.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people believe that young people enjoy life more than older people do. Do you agree or disagree? Why? Explain your position.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.