These days, many young people do not spend their weekends and holidays doing outdoor activities such as hiking or mountaineering. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to spend more time in the natural environment?
Sample Response
Nowadays, an increasing number of young adults and teenagers spend their leisure time indoors rather than participating in outdoor activities like in the past. In this essay, the reasons forof this trend will be discussed before approaches to encourage them to spend more time in nature are presented. There are many reasons why modern young people are less likely to go outdoors. The most significant one is that modern societies are becoming increasingly competitive. Individuals have to work long hours and endureand to endure mental stress to show that they are competent infor their demanding jobs to prevent them from being laid off. Furthermore, unlike in the past when indoor entertainment activities like TV programs and video games were not as diverse as they are now, young people have more options to spend their weekends and holidays like watching TV series and playing video games lying on their coucheslaying in their couches. Therefore, young people choose to spend more time indoorsindoor. Nevertheless, spending time in the natural environmentin natural environment should still be encouragedstill should be encouraged since it is beneficial to people's health, both mentally and physically. As mentioned above,As above mentioned, young people refuse to go outdoorsoutdoor partly due to high physicalbody and mental stress. Therefore, it would beSo it would be an effective measure if authorities introducedintroduce policies to prolong resting hours such as 4 days working pattern and longer holidays. Another measure could be useful is to make the natural tourist attractions, which are often located in remote areas with poor infrastructure, more accessible. Young people may find it less tiring and more enjoyable to spend time in nature if traveling to these locationsthe commuting journey is more comfortable and less time-consuming. In conclusion, the phenomenon that young adults and teenagers spend less time in the natural environment is due to the combined effect of more challenging demands from work and emergenceemergency of new alternative leisure activities. Increasing resting hours and improving the infrastructure ofimproving infrastructure of natural environments would be effective to encourage young people to set out for the outdoorsoutdoor more often.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay directly addresses both prompt questions with well-developed reasons and practical solutions. The strongest aspect is the logical task coverage and relevant main ideas, while the main limitation is a set of recurring grammatical slips and awkward word choices. To improve, focus on refining prepositions, verb structures, and fixed collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the prompt are fully answered with relevant, well-supported arguments addressing why young people stay indoors and how to encourage outdoor activity.
Provide slightly more detailed exemplification or development for the proposed solutions to strengthen the depth of task response further.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is logical and ideas progress clearly, though some cohesive expressions feel slightly mechanical.
Use smoother, more natural transitions instead of formulaic phrases like 'as above mentioned'.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific vocabulary is used effectively, despite a few imprecise word choices and collocation errors.
Refine phrasing for accuracy by correcting word forms and fixed expressions, such as changing 'emergency of' to 'emergence of'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of complex sentence structures is attempted, but minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing recur throughout the text.
Review participle phrases and relative clauses to eliminate structural slips like 'laying in their couches' and 'another measure could be useful is'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
These days, many young people do not spend their weekends and holidays doing outdoor activities such as hiking or mountaineering. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to spend more time in the natural environment?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.