These days, many young people are not spending their weekends and holidays doing outdoor activities such as hiking or mountaineering. Why is that happening? How can they be encouraged to spend more time in the natural environment?
Sample Response
Nowadays, the younger generation tends to avoid recreational activities such as hiking or alpinism. It seems that young people prefer to spend their weekends indoors, gaming or engaging in other online activities. If that is the case, by promoting sports more actively and organising sports competitions, the schools could counteract this trend.
Living in the era of technology, the wide availability and variety of online entertainment are compelling young people to spend a lot of their free time indoors, using their gadgets. Numerous relatively cheap forms of amusement, such as online games, videos, audiobooks and plenty of other activities, tempt teenagers to stay at home and lead more sedentary lifestyles. A recent survey revealed that the vast majority of students would prefer spending their weekends playing computer games, rather than in the nature. That is one clear reason why our modern youth is less interested in recreational sports.
To address this issue, the school management could intervene and offer a better range of outdoor sports activities and competitions, both within the school curriculum and as extra-curricular activities. For example, high schools could increase the number of weekly football, running and climbing classes, and organise competitions at the end of each term. As a result, pushed by their desire to win, students would do more walking, jogging, running and mountaineering during the school term, in preparation for the competition. This would reduce the time spent online, lessen the students’ dependence on the Internet for entertainment, and eventually boost their desire to spend more time enjoying the natural environment.
To sum up, screen addiction plays a major role in young people’s avoidance of various outdoor activities. Opening up more recreational sports and offering frequent competitions on school grounds is a great way to motivate more students to spend their leisure time in the nature.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use familiar term Original: alpinism Suggested revision: mountaineering Why it matters: Mountaineering is the more familiar term in this context.
- 2. Remove unnecessary article Original: the schools Suggested revision: schools Why it matters: The plural noun refers to schools generally, so it does not need the definite article.
- 3. Fix dangling modifier Original: Living in the era of technology Suggested revision: In today's technological era Why it matters: The original opening incorrectly suggests that availability and variety are living in the technological era.
- 4. Use natural wording Original: our modern youth Suggested revision: young people today Why it matters: This phrasing is more natural and precise in an academic essay.
- 5. Name people directly Original: the school management Suggested revision: school administrators Why it matters: School administrators more directly identifies the people who could take action.
- 6. Improve collocation Original: better Suggested revision: wider Why it matters: A wider range is the standard collocation for describing increased variety.
- 7. Use standard spelling Original: extra-curricular Suggested revision: extracurricular Why it matters: The closed form is the standard modern spelling.
- 8. Refine motivation phrase Original: pushed Suggested revision: motivated Why it matters: Motivated conveys the intended positive incentive more naturally than pushed.
- 9. Match plural reference Original: in preparation for the competition Suggested revision: in preparation for these competitions Why it matters: The plural reference clearly links back to the competitions proposed earlier.
- 10. Fix verb collocation Original: Opening up more recreational sports Suggested revision: Providing more recreational sports Why it matters: Sports are provided or offered rather than opened up.
- 11. Remove incorrect article Original: their leisure time in the nature Suggested revision: their leisure time in nature Why it matters: Nature is used without the definite article in this expression.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: A recent survey revealed that the vast majority of students would prefer spending their weekends playing computer games, rather than in the nature. Suggested revision: A recent survey revealed that the vast majority of students would prefer to spend their weekends playing computer games rather than spending time in nature. Why it matters: The rewrite creates a parallel comparison and corrects the expression in nature.
Suggested Rewrites
- alpinism mountaineering
- the schools schools
- Living in the era of technology In today's technological era
- our modern youth young people today
- the school management school administrators
- better wider
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear, sustained explanation of how online entertainment discourages outdoor activity and how school competitions could motivate participation. Its main limitation is a narrow treatment of both causes and solutions, since almost the entire argument rests on screen use and school-based sport. The highest-priority improvement is to add and develop a distinct second cause or intervention while maintaining the same logical clarity.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered directly, with one cause and one solution developed through relevant explanation and examples.
Broaden the response by developing an additional distinct cause or practical means of encouraging contact with nature.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, with cohesive devices used effectively.
Use fewer explicit signposts where the logical relationship between sentences is already clear.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a wide and generally precise range of vocabulary for technology, recreation, and motivation, despite a few awkward choices.
Refine collocations and article use in phrases such as 'in nature' and choose more natural terms where possible.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few grammatical slips do not impede communication.
Polish article and preposition choices in otherwise well-controlled complex sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
These days, many young people are not spending their weekends and holidays doing outdoor activities such as hiking or mountaineering. Why is that happening? How can they be encouraged to spend more time in the natural environment?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.