Young people today spend too much money and time following fashion trends (clothing, tech). What is the reason? Is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
These days, it is common to see young people squander their time and money on keeping up with the latest trends, including buying flashy clothing and tech gadgets. From my perspective, the desire for self-expression is the root cause, and this trend brings a number of negative consequences.
Due to the development of society, people are now living in a peaceful world full of convenience and wealth. The Internet and social media have also been developing rapidly, and have exposed people, particularly the youth, to large amounts of images of those with a desirable lavish lifestyle. Both of these factors contribute to the fact that many young individuals tend to express themselves, with an aim of proving their ability to afford luxurious items, such as fashionable clothes and high-end tech gadgets, from smartphones to tablets. For these reasons, many young people are quite willing to spend huge amounts of their time earning money so that they can simply pour it into the latest fashion trends.
In the long run, this can have adverse effects, not only on young people, but also on society as a whole. Following fashion trends certainly drives young people to the edge of bankruptcy, if they continue to squander their hard-earned money and consequently lose control of their spending. Things can even become worse, especially when unexpected things occur, such as accidents, or when the need to pay for tuition fees arises. On a social level, should more money be spent on luxurious goods, the need for common products will dwindle, causing a reduction of sales of common goods which may eventually affect local businesses and economies.
In conclusion, the reason young people tend to want to spend money trying to keep up with the latest fashion trends is a result of them trying to express themselves, and this is a negative development in my opinion.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the example Original: including buying flashy clothing and tech gadgets Suggested revision: such as flashy clothing and tech gadgets Why it matters: This revision names examples of trends directly and avoids the awkward including buying structure.
- 2. Clarify the opening link Original: Due to the development of society Suggested revision: As society has developed Why it matters: This clause states the temporal relationship more clearly than the vague due to phrase.
- 3. Use concise description Original: a peaceful world full of convenience and wealth Suggested revision: a more peaceful, convenient and prosperous world Why it matters: The revised adjectives express the same qualities more concisely and naturally.
- 4. Use countable quantifier Original: amounts Suggested revision: numbers Why it matters: Images is countable, so numbers is required instead of amounts.
- 5. Clarify the noun phrase Original: those with a desirable lavish lifestyle Suggested revision: people with an appealing, lavish lifestyle Why it matters: People supplies a clear referent, while the comma separates the coordinate descriptors.
- 6. Use direct phrasing Original: contribute to the fact that Suggested revision: help explain why Why it matters: This replacement expresses the causal relationship more directly.
- 7. Use fixed expression Original: an Suggested revision: the Why it matters: The established expression requires the definite article in this context.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: spend huge amounts of their time Suggested revision: spend a great deal of time Why it matters: A great deal of time is more natural and avoids an unnecessarily exaggerated quantifier.
- 9. Correct the collocation Original: pour it into the latest fashion trends Suggested revision: spend it on the latest fashions Why it matters: Money is spent on fashions, whereas pour into does not collocate naturally with trends here.
- 10. Fix modality and comma Original: drives young people to the edge of bankruptcy, if Suggested revision: can drive young people to the edge of bankruptcy if Why it matters: Can matches the conditional claim, and no comma should separate the result from this if-clause.
- 11. Name the meaning precisely Original: unexpected things occur Suggested revision: unexpected expenses arise Why it matters: Expenses identifies the financial problem intended by the examples more precisely.
- 12. Correct the preposition Original: of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Reduction normally takes in when referring to a decrease in a quantity.
Suggested Rewrites
- including buying flashy clothing and tech gadgets such as flashy clothing and tech gadgets
- Due to the development of society As society has developed
- a peaceful world full of convenience and wealth a more peaceful, convenient and prosperous world
- amounts numbers
- those with a desirable lavish lifestyle people with an appealing, lavish lifestyle
- contribute to the fact that help explain why
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear position, answers both questions, and develops a logical chain from self-expression to personal and social consequences. Its main limitation is that some claims, especially the predicted effect on ordinary goods and local economies, are overstated or insufficiently substantiated, while several collocations sound unnatural. The highest-priority improvement is to make each consequence more plausible and precise through tighter explanation and better-controlled word choice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered clearly, with relevant development of the proposed cause and negative consequences.
Support the broader social consequence with a more convincing causal explanation or a specific realistic example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised, and ideas progress clearly within well-focused paragraphs.
Reduce reliance on overt causal transitions by letting the logical relationship between consecutive sentences carry more of the flow.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and suitably ambitious, though several collocations are imprecise or unnatural.
Use more natural combinations such as exposure to images and spending money on trends, and avoid overstated terms like bankruptcy where unnecessary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is handled with generally strong accuracy and consistently clear meaning.
Tighten punctuation and clause control in long sentences, especially where conditional or parenthetical elements interrupt the main structure.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Young people today spend too much money and time following fashion trends (clothing, tech). What is the reason? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.