Some people believe that young people know about international pop and movie stars but know very less about famous people from the history in their own country. Why is this? How can more interest be created in young people to gain more knowledge about their own famous people from history?
Sample Response
It is irrefutable that today we are flooded with information about everything. The youth of today know about global celebs but are increasingly ill informed about their own historical personalities. This essay shall analyse why this is happening, and also suggest some measures, to generate their interest in historical events and people. The first and major reason for this is that the education system in most of the countries is test-based. Students are only taught to get good grades and as a result, they only focus on passing their exams, rather than gaining knowledge about any topic. Their interest is never developed in history and heroes of our past. On top of that, the youth today is more fascinated towards the celebrities because of the exposure and importance the media gives to them. Furthermore, most of the families have now started living in nuclear setups, where both the parents are working, and because of this the children’s education about their roots and history has taken a back seat.
There are many methods that can be used by parents, schools and the media to develop the interest of youngsters in knowing about the famous people from history. The schools can incorporate technology in teaching methods, like the use of audio-visual aids. Educational trips to museums and famous historical places also help develop the children’s interest. The government should set up museums and encourage children to visit them by highly subsidizing tickets for the students. For example, the Shaheed Bhagat Singh Museum has become a great source of information about the freedom struggle and the sacrifices made by freedom fighters. Also, the Virasat-e-Khalsa museum has become very popular among the youth as they can learn a lot about Sikh history and culture. Moreover, TV shows and movies can be made around famous historical personalities and their contributions. For instance, the recent Bollywood movie Bajirao Mastani, has been a super hit at the box office and has made a lot of people more aware about historical events and characters. TV channels like History channel has shows which run throughout the day, giving information about famous people and events from history. To conclude, there are several innovative and creative methods that can be used to make the youth more interested and aware about the notable people from history. This effort has to be made by parents, at schools and media also has a big role to play in spreading this awareness.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid absolute claim Original: irrefutable Suggested revision: clear Why it matters: This less absolute wording suits a general observation that is not demonstrated as indisputable.
- 2. Use formal vocabulary Original: celebs Suggested revision: celebrities Why it matters: The informal abbreviation is unsuitable for an academic essay.
- 3. Hyphenate compound adjective Original: ill informed Suggested revision: ill-informed Why it matters: The compound adjective before its complement should be hyphenated.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: personalities Suggested revision: figures Why it matters: Historical figures is the more natural term for notable people from the past.
- 5. Remove disruptive commas Original: happening, and also suggest some measures, to generate Suggested revision: happening and suggest some measures to generate Why it matters: The commas incorrectly separate coordinated verbs and the infinitive from the phrase it modifies.
- 6. Remove unnecessary article Original: most of the countries Suggested revision: most countries Why it matters: Most takes a general plural noun directly when no specific group has been defined.
- 7. Use precise academic phrasing Original: only taught to get good grades Suggested revision: taught primarily to achieve good grades Why it matters: This phrasing expresses the emphasis more precisely and formally.
- 8. Correct preposition Original: towards Suggested revision: by Why it matters: Fascinated takes the preposition by in this construction.
- 9. Remove unnecessary article Original: the celebrities Suggested revision: celebrities Why it matters: The general plural noun does not require the definite article.
- 10. Use general plural Original: The schools Suggested revision: Schools Why it matters: The definite article is unnecessary when referring to schools in general.
- 11. Correct verb pattern Original: incorporate technology in teaching methods Suggested revision: incorporate technology into their teaching methods Why it matters: Incorporate normally takes into, and their clarifies whose methods are meant.
- 12. Use concise example marker Original: like the use of Suggested revision: such as Why it matters: Such as introduces the example more directly and formally.
Suggested Rewrites
- irrefutable clear
- celebs celebrities
- ill informed ill-informed
- personalities figures
- happening, and also suggest some measures, to generate happening and suggest some measures to generate
- most of the countries most countries
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response addresses both parts thoroughly, with a particularly strong range of practical measures supported by relevant examples. Its main limitation is that several distinct ideas are crowded into two very long paragraphs, while recurring collocation and agreement errors reduce polish. The highest priority is to separate causes, solutions, and the conclusion more clearly, then edit for natural word combinations and subject-verb agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and solutions are directly addressed, developed with explanation, and supported by specific, relevant examples.
Strengthen the causal analysis by explaining more precisely how each factor reduces young people's knowledge of national historical figures.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically and cohesive devices guide the reader, although the two body sections are excessively long and contain several distinct points.
Use separate paragraphs for the main causes, the principal solutions, and the conclusion to make the progression easier to follow.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary conveys the arguments clearly, but several combinations such as fascinated towards and develop the interest are unnatural.
Revise recurring collocations and article choices so that otherwise effective vocabulary sounds consistently natural and precise.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures successfully, though agreement, article, and punctuation errors recur without obscuring meaning.
Proofread systematically for subject-verb agreement and sentence-boundary punctuation, especially in sentences with multiple clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that young people know about international pop and movie stars but know very less about famous people from the history in their own country. Why is this? How can more interest be created in young people to gain more knowledge about their own famous people from history?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.