What distinguishes young people from their parents' or grandparents' generation is a lack of physical exercise. Today's generation are spending far too long playing computer games, chatting aimlessly on social networking sites or simply watching TV, and too little time being active. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Young people today are often reprimanded by their parents for living a passive lifestyle. In my country, for example, young children in particular are criticized for spending too long interacting with technology rather than being outside playing sports, climbing trees and doing all the other activities their parents claim they enjoyed as children. To what extent are these comments deserved? On the surface, they would appear justified. There is a whole industry that encourages children to lead a sedentary lifestyle, for example sitting in front of a PC or games console. Dedicated satellite or cable TV channels for young people offer the chance to sit idly watching one programme after the next, often repeats of something that was on the day or week before. However, it can also be argued that young people are adapting to the society they live in, a completely different place to the world their parents grew up in. Firstly, the roads today are far busier than they were in the past, which makes it very difficult for children to play outside. Secondly, children are often restricted from being outside by parents who have become overly concerned about dangers they imagine exist outside their four walls. Finally, it has to be said that many parents use the technology they complain about as a way of keeping young children occupied. I think children today are less active and that it is something we should be concerned about. However, it is wrong to put the blame on technology. Children should be encouraged more to take up sports at school and parents should be more willing to support their children in exploring the outside world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise collocation Original: living a passive lifestyle Suggested revision: leading a sedentary lifestyle Why it matters: This collocation describes physical inactivity more precisely.
- 2. Make phrasing concise Original: rather than being outside playing sports Suggested revision: rather than playing sports outdoors Why it matters: The revision expresses the contrast more directly and naturally.
- 3. Use natural idiom Original: one programme after the next Suggested revision: one programme after another Why it matters: This is the more natural expression for a continuous sequence.
- 4. Correct comparison phrase Original: a completely different place to Suggested revision: a society completely different from Why it matters: The revision creates a logical noun reference and uses the correct comparison preposition.
- 5. Use natural wording Original: restricted from being outside Suggested revision: prevented from going outside Why it matters: The replacement is a more idiomatic way to describe the restriction.
- 6. Remove wordiness Original: use the technology they complain about as a way of keeping Suggested revision: use the technology they complain about to keep Why it matters: The infinitive conveys the same purpose more concisely.
- 7. Clarify reference Original: it Suggested revision: this Why it matters: The demonstrative makes the reference to children's inactivity clearer.
- 8. Use concise verb Original: put the blame on technology Suggested revision: blame technology Why it matters: The single verb conveys the same meaning more directly.
- 9. Improve word order Original: encouraged more to take up sports Suggested revision: given more encouragement to take up sports Why it matters: The revision places the degree word in a more natural grammatical structure.
- 10. Separate argument stages Suggested revision: Separate the discussion of technology, environmental constraints, and parental responsibility into distinct paragraphs. Why it matters: Clear paragraph boundaries would make the progression between the different explanations easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- living a passive lifestyle leading a sedentary lifestyle
- rather than being outside playing sports rather than playing sports outdoors
- one programme after the next one programme after another
- a completely different place to a society completely different from
- restricted from being outside prevented from going outside
- use the technology they complain about as a way of keeping use the technology they complain about to keep
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a thoughtful, clearly sustained position and supports it with relevant explanations about technology, road safety, parental concern, and adult choices. Its main limitation is that the essay appears as one continuous block, which obscures an otherwise strong argumentative progression. The highest-priority improvement is to divide the discussion into purposeful paragraphs that separate the apparent problem, underlying causes, and conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a nuanced position and develops both the apparent role of technology and the wider social causes of inactivity.
Strengthen the argument further by explaining more explicitly how the proposed school and parental actions would address the causes identified.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from the common criticism to counterarguments and a qualified conclusion, with cohesive links guiding the reader effectively.
Use distinct introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs so that each stage of the reasoning has a visibly clear central focus.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and natural, with effective choices such as “sedentary lifestyle,” “overly concerned,” and “keeping young children occupied.”
Refine a few comparatively general expressions by choosing more exact wording for the claimed differences between present and past childhoods.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and fluently, with errors rare and meaning consistently clear.
Continue refining comparison structures and sentence rhythm so that the densest sentences remain as polished as the rest of the response.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
What distinguishes young people from their parents' or grandparents' generation is a lack of physical exercise. Today's generation are spending far too long playing computer games, chatting aimlessly on social networking sites or simply watching TV, and too little time being active. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.