In many countries, young people are leaving their homes in the countryside to live in large cities. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
In recent years, there has been a noticeable trend of young people leaving their rural homes to settle in major cities. While this shift can bring about certain benefits, I believe that the negative consequences, both on individuals and society, far overshadow the advantages.
One of the primary attractions of moving to large cities is the availability of employment opportunities. Unlike rural areas, which often have limited job markets, urban centers provide young individuals with a wide range of career options in various sectors, from technology to finance. For example, cities like Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam are thriving economic hubs that draw young talent from all over the country. However, while job opportunities are abundant, they also come with fierce competition. As more young workers flock to major cities, the labor market becomes saturated, making it harder to secure a position. This phenomenon can lead to a situation where even highly qualified individuals struggle to find work, which ultimately defeats the very purpose of migrating to cities in search of better prospects.
In addition to this, the mass migration of young people to urban areas has significant negative effects on rural communities. As the labor force shrinks, rural areas suffer from a lack of skilled workers, which stunts their economic development. This imbalance also contributes to the growing disparity between urban and rural areas, further exacerbating social inequality. Another challenge worth mentioning is that young people would be prone to poor quality of life while settling in major cities. Indeed, the highly competitive environment and escalating daily expenses in large cities would place financial burden on young people’s shoulders and demand them to work long hours. Many young people apply themselves to work just to keep up with the high cost of living, thereby leading to stress and burnout. Furthermore, as more people flock to cities, urbanization often leads to environmental degradation. Increased population density results in more traffic, higher emissions, and greater waste production. Illustrations for this can be seen in metropolitan cities like Beijing and New Delhi that are notorious for their air pollution, directly linked to the growing number of vehicles and factories.
In conclusion, while the move to big cities may offer young people job opportunities and a chance to experience urban life, the downsides—such as job market saturation, social inequality, and environmental damage—are significant. From my perspective, the negative impacts far outweigh the benefits.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use Parallel Prepositions Original: both on individuals and society Suggested revision: for both individuals and society Why it matters: The preposition must apply consistently to both coordinated nouns.
- 2. Use Natural Noun Original: individuals Suggested revision: people Why it matters: Young people is the more natural expression in this context.
- 3. Improve Collocation Original: come with fierce competition Suggested revision: create fierce competition Why it matters: Opportunities create competition rather than come with it in this argument.
- 4. Add Article Original: would be prone to poor quality of life Suggested revision: may experience a poor quality of life Why it matters: Quality of life needs an article here, and may experience expresses the claim naturally.
- 5. Clarify Time Clause Original: while settling in major cities Suggested revision: when they settle in major cities Why it matters: An explicit subject makes the time relationship clearer.
- 6. Add Missing Article Original: place financial burden Suggested revision: place a financial burden Why it matters: The singular countable noun burden requires an article.
- 7. Correct Verb Pattern Original: demand Suggested revision: require Why it matters: Demand does not take an object followed by a to-infinitive in this structure.
- 8. Use Correct Phrase Original: Illustrations for this Suggested revision: Examples of this Why it matters: Examples of this is the standard phrase for introducing supporting cases.
- 9. Remove Redundancy Original: metropolitan cities Suggested revision: cities Why it matters: Metropolitan and cities repeat the same idea here.
- 10. Use Precise Comparison Original: overshadow Suggested revision: outweigh Why it matters: Outweigh is the conventional verb for comparing advantages and disadvantages.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Many young people apply themselves to work just to keep up with the high cost of living, thereby leading to stress and burnout. Suggested revision: Many young people work long hours just to keep up with the high cost of living, which can lead to stress and burnout. Why it matters: This rewrite replaces the unnatural apply themselves to work collocation and clarifies the result.
- 12. Separate Consequence Groups Suggested revision: Group the effects on rural communities separately from the urban cost-of-living and environmental effects. Why it matters: The paragraph moves through several distinct consequence groups, so clearer grouping would strengthen progression.
Suggested Rewrites
- both on individuals and society for both individuals and society
- individuals people
- come with fierce competition create fierce competition
- would be prone to poor quality of life may experience a poor quality of life
- while settling in major cities when they settle in major cities
- place financial burden place a financial burden
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistent judgement and supports it with a substantial range of relevant consequences for individuals, rural communities, and cities. Its main limitation is that the benefits are less fully developed than the drawbacks, while a few awkward collocations reduce linguistic precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the principal advantage more independently before making the explicit comparison that justifies the final judgement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the comparative question directly, maintains a clear position, and develops several relevant consequences with explanation and examples.
Develop the employment advantage in greater depth before weighing it explicitly against the disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, focused discussion, and consistent conclusion, with cohesive devices generally used naturally.
Divide the long third paragraph so that rural decline, personal pressures, and environmental effects each have a more distinct progression.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often precise, with effective topic language, though several collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Refine combinations such as financial burden, quality of life, and illustrative examples to make expression consistently natural.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the occasional grammatical lapse does not impede meaning.
Check article use and verb-complement patterns, especially in phrases such as placing a burden and requiring people to work.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, young people are leaving their homes in the countryside to live in large cities. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.