Many young people today know more about international pop and movie stars than about famous people in the history in their country.Why is this?What can be done to increase young people’s interest in famous people in the history of their country?
Sample Response
An ever increasing number of the young these days are die-hard fans of international celebrities, such as pop and movie stars but unfortunately pay little attention to prominent historical figures in their own home country, an unhealthy but universal phenomenon that will take a heavy toll on those young people themselves as well as the society as a whole. The mass media is the principal contributor to this phenomenon.
That media excessively expose popular shows that are exclusively about these pop stars on TV, the Internet, and instant information on phones and employ them advertise are mainly responsible for this. Bombarded with different information, especially the gossip, about famous stars anytime and anywhere, young people have thus become gradually familiar with almost everything with those stars, and even become fanatical fans implicitly. It is the effects of fans that empower entertainment companies to invite those stars to endorse their products, and this win-win strategy not just enhances the recognition of international pop stars but also helps these companies advertise their products. But few media or advertisers will introduce the well-known people in the history in headlines,let alone invites them to advertise their products, so that the younger generation then overlook them even though they have made way more significant contributions to society than those pop stars.
In reversing this negative trend, the mass media itself is the most effective and efficient shortcut. In other words, the mass media need to assume the responsibility for bringing historical celebrities into the very focus of young people and for increasing their media exposure. The entertainment industry should commit itself to filming the story of their life or inviting them as its brand spokesman. In this way, the young will realize that it is those celebrities who are the core of the society and that without them the society would not progress so fast.
In conclusion, the mass media are the chief culprit behind this trend but what they will do is also the critical factor in changing the current situation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural noun phrase Original: the young these days Suggested revision: young people today Why it matters: This phrasing is more natural and precise in formal writing.
- 2. Add contrast comma Original: movie stars but unfortunately Suggested revision: movie stars, but unfortunately Why it matters: A comma is needed before the coordinating conjunction joining the contrasting clauses.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: the society as a whole Suggested revision: society as a whole Why it matters: Society is used generically here and does not take the definite article.
- 4. Fix subject agreement Original: is Suggested revision: are Why it matters: Mass media is treated as a plural noun in this context.
- 5. Remove incorrect article Original: especially the gossip Suggested revision: especially gossip Why it matters: Gossip is an uncountable noun here and should not take the definite article.
- 6. Correct preposition Original: with Suggested revision: about Why it matters: About is the correct preposition for information concerning the stars.
- 7. Maintain verb structure Original: and even become fanatical Suggested revision: and have even become fanatical Why it matters: The coordinated verb should repeat the present-perfect auxiliary used earlier in the sentence.
- 8. Choose accurate adverb Original: implicitly Suggested revision: unconsciously Why it matters: Implicitly describes indirect expression, whereas the intended meaning is becoming a fan without conscious awareness.
- 9. Clarify the cause Original: It is the effects of fans Suggested revision: It is fans' influence Why it matters: Effects of fans is an unnatural expression for the influence that fans exert.
- 10. Use precise verb Original: empower Suggested revision: encourage Why it matters: Encourage more accurately expresses how fan influence motivates companies to act.
- 11. Complete paired structure Original: just Suggested revision: only Why it matters: Not only correctly pairs with but also later in the sentence.
- 12. Name media organizations Original: few media or advertisers Suggested revision: few media outlets or advertisers Why it matters: Media is a collective channel, so media outlets is the precise countable expression required after few.
Suggested Rewrites
- the young these days young people today
- movie stars but unfortunately movie stars, but unfortunately
- the society as a whole society as a whole
- is are
- especially the gossip especially gossip
- with about
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear cause-and-solution structure, maintains a consistent focus on the media, and uses some well-developed explanation. Its main limitation is that both parts rely almost entirely on one actor, while the proposed use of historical figures as brand spokespeople is not always realistic. The highest-priority improvement is to develop a broader, more practical solution, supported by a specific example, while editing recurrent grammatical and collocational errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with a clear central explanation, although the cause and solution are narrow and the proposed advertising role is sometimes implausible.
Add a distinct practical measure, such as curriculum-based projects or accessible historical media, and explain concretely how it would build sustained interest.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and progression from cause to remedy are clear, though several long sentences carry too many linked ideas and occasionally weaken precision.
Divide overloaded sentences and use more explicit internal sequencing when moving from media exposure to commercial promotion and its effects.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a fairly broad range of topic vocabulary, but awkward choices and collocations such as effects of fans and most effective shortcut reduce naturalness.
Prioritise accurate collocations and neutral academic phrasing, especially when describing media influence, endorsement, and historical achievement.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms communicates the argument, but recurring agreement, article, infinitive, and sentence-structure errors remain noticeable.
Proofread each sentence for subject-verb agreement and complete verb patterns, particularly after causative verbs and in clauses with long subjects.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many young people today know more about international pop and movie stars than about famous people in the history in their country.Why is this?What can be done to increase young people’s interest in famous people in the history of their country?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.