In many countries, young people are finding it harder and harder to find permanent jobs. Why is this? What can be done to improve this situation?
Sample Response
In recent years, there has been an astronomical upsurge in the number of companies offering temporary positionssecondment opportunities to young people instead of permanent jobs, giving rise to a wide range of problems in people’s liveslife. There are a variety of factors that account for this. In IELTS sample essays, it will present an overview of these factors and suggest potential solutions.
To begin with, permanent jobs offer a colossal amount of risk to companies. One of the primary reasons for hiring temporary workers isOne of the primary reasons to hire casual manpower is, that they are contracted by a third party agency and a firm has less responsibility for managing staffbears a lower burden of managing people. Moreover, companies will always hire diligent workers and high performersoutperformers who work diligently on their assigned dutieswork collectively towards their assigned duties. It becomes easier for companies to terminate the contracts of underperforming workersdiscontinue services of incompetent workers, as they are not under any legal obligation to the employeeunder any obligation with the employee. By offering higher salaries to temporary staffa higher salary to temporary staff, the companies do not have to worry about granting paid or sick leavegranting any (earned, sick) leaves and in return employees will work more hourscommit more number of work hours in order to avoid the risk of getting underpaid.
Regarding this issueHowever, apropos of the statement, there are some pertinent ways to increase permanent employmentsolutions in accord with permanent jobs. In this highly competitive job market, companies should improve their recruitment processscrutinize their employment process to hire a candidate who matches the job descriptionappoint the right candidate matching the job description. Furthermore, by hiring directly rather than through recruitment agenciesremoving the channel of recruitment agencies, the companies will save enormous time and money, which can be invested in the developmentupliftment of the firm. Ultimately, this process will offer peace of mindoffer a peace of mind to everyone.
In view of the arguments outlined above, one can conclude that the role a company plays in the employment process is instrumental. Because not only do permanent jobs offer a direction to young learners. But also helps them work collectively towards the organizational goals.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response has a clear causes-and-solutions structure and offers several relevant reasons for employers' preference for temporary staff. Its main limitation is that some claims and proposed remedies are only loosely explained, while ambitious wording and recurring sentence errors reduce precision. The highest priority is to develop each solution by showing exactly how it would increase permanent employment, using clearer and more natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both causes and solutions with relevant ideas, but several points are asserted rather than fully developed or clearly linked to young people's employment prospects.
Explain the mechanism and likely outcome of each proposed remedy, especially how changing recruitment practices would create more permanent positions for young workers.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure creates a broadly logical progression, although some linking phrases are mechanical or misleading and the conclusion becomes fragmented.
Use transitions that accurately express the relationship between ideas and combine the concluding fragments into one logically connected final statement.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonably wide and ambitious vocabulary, but frequent collocational inaccuracies and overstatement sometimes make the argument sound unnatural or imprecise.
Prefer precise, conventional employment vocabulary and check collocations such as descriptions of risk, working hours, leave entitlements, and recruitment arrangements.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but recurring errors with articles, agreement, punctuation, and sentence boundaries weaken control despite generally clear meaning.
Prioritise complete sentence structures and proofread complex clauses for subject-verb agreement, article use, and correctly placed commas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, young people are finding it harder and harder to find permanent jobs. Why is this? What can be done to improve this situation?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.