Some people say young people should be completely free to choose their future job but others think young people must be more realistic in their choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Many are of the view that young people should prioritise pragmatic career choices over their passions. In my opinion, youth is an opportunity to follow pursuits with a low probability of success.
Many parents in particular are heavily invested in the idea of security. This is often the case if they had a difficult upbringing or were born into times of national upheaval. For example, many parents in Vietnam who grew up immediately after the American War, are still scarred by their experiences of deprivation. As a result, it is a common refrain in Vietnam these days for young people to complain about how much control their parents have over their choice of a major or career. Most students consequently work in safe, tedious fields like finance, banking, advertising, and law. They have job security and a basic floor on their earning potential in the event of an economic downturn.
However, failing at a particular career path early in life does not foreclose future success. Most can major in a subject they love, work for several years in that field and the likely results will either be some degree of success or modest failure. If they fail, it is possible to move on in one’s twenties to study or work towards a safer, more lucrative position. This attempt is also justified by the rare instances of tremendous achievement including famous actors, directors, singers, and other artists. Therefore, choosing a career freely can be vindicated by the combination of potential fame, less transcendent but still respectable jobs, and the ability to transition to a new career before middle age.
In conclusion, the allure of security does not outweigh the myriad advantages of freely choosing a career one. Parents and students should both heed this advice or risk regretting the missed opportunity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the life stage Original: youth is an opportunity Suggested revision: young adulthood is an opportunity Why it matters: The replacement names the relevant stage of life more precisely.
- 2. Remove the stray comma Original: American War, are Suggested revision: American War are Why it matters: A comma should not separate the subject's relative clause from its verb.
- 3. Use a natural collocation Original: a Suggested revision: university Why it matters: Adding 'university' makes the educational meaning of 'major' immediately clear.
- 4. Correct the collocation Original: a basic floor on their earning potential Suggested revision: a minimum level of earning potential Why it matters: The original phrase combines 'floor' and 'earning potential' unnaturally.
- 5. Keep pronouns consistent Original: one’s Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The possessive should agree with the plural pronoun 'they' used in the sentence.
- 6. Use a clearer reference Original: attempt Suggested revision: risk Why it matters: 'This risk' refers more clearly to pursuing an uncertain career path.
- 7. Use a natural verb Original: vindicated Suggested revision: justified Why it matters: 'Justified' is the more natural verb for defending a personal choice.
- 8. Choose the intended adjective Original: transcendent Suggested revision: exceptional Why it matters: 'Transcendent' does not clearly express the intended contrast with fame or extraordinary success.
- 9. Delete the extra word Original: freely choosing a career one Suggested revision: freely choosing a career Why it matters: The final 'one' has no grammatical function in this phrase.
- 10. Make the reference specific Original: heed this advice Suggested revision: consider this approach Why it matters: The replacement refers more directly to the proposed approach to career choice.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Most can major in a subject they love, work for several years in that field and the likely results will either be some degree of success or modest failure. Suggested revision: Most young people can major in a subject they love and work in that field for several years; the likely result will be either some degree of success or a modest failure. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the unclear subject, faulty coordination, and inconsistent result construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- youth is an opportunity young adulthood is an opportunity
- American War, are American War are
- a university
- a basic floor on their earning potential a minimum level of earning potential
- one’s their
- attempt risk
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear position and well-developed comparison of security with the benefits of pursuing a preferred career. Its main limitation is occasional awkward or imprecise phrasing, particularly when describing possible outcomes and in the final sentence. The highest-priority improvement is to proofread complex sentences for clean coordination and precise wording while retaining the effective depth of argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly addressed, and the writer's preference for freedom of choice is consistently supported with relevant explanation and examples.
Refine the qualification of risky career choices so the position is expressed with even greater precision.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from the case for security to the case for freedom, with clear paragraphing and generally natural cohesion.
Tighten the internal sequencing of the third paragraph so its possible outcomes and resulting justification connect more smoothly.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas effectively, with only isolated awkward choices.
Replace slightly strained expressions such as references to a basic floor and transcendent jobs with more natural collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong control, and the few errors do not impede communication.
Proofread sentence coordination and remove slips such as the extra word in the concluding phrase about choosing a career.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say young people should be completely free to choose their future job but others think young people must be more realistic in their choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.