Some people think that young people should follow the traditions of society. However, others believe that individuals should be free to behave as they wish. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Opinions are divided on whether young generations should follow the traditions of society or whether they should have the freedom to do what they want. This essay will discuss the reasoning behind both perspectives and argue that young people should preserve essential traditional values without letting outdated traditions restrict them.
Advocates of preserving traditional values argue that traditions represent important societal values that have stood the test of time and, therefore, should be upheld by future generations. For example, in Vietnam, it is customary for people to return home, gather with family members, and celebrate the New Year together, no matter how busy or far they are. In other countries, there are similar traditions aimed at cementing family bonds. Given this, it is reasonable for many to expect younger generations to continue following and preserving these customs.
On the other hand, there are certain valid arguments as to why young people should be free to behave as they wish. Chief among these is the fear that some traditions might serve as a stumbling block in their life paths. Evidence for this can be seen in many remote areas of Vietnam, where young women at the age of 18 are forced to marry and have children even when they are not willing to, following long-standing traditions. However, building a family is a serious decision that can affect a person's entire life, and thus he or she should have the right to choose when they feel ready for marriage and parenthood.
From my perspective, young generations should make efforts to preserve beautiful traditions that are of utmost significance while freely promoting values that align with their own life. Indeed, with traditions that promote gracious values such as love and mutual understanding, young people following these customs can keep them alive, passing virtues down from one generation to another. At the same time, young people should have the opportunity to abandon outdated traditions that are no longer suitable for modern society. For example, people should be allowed to marry whomever they fall in love with, regardless of gender, which is still opposed in many societies. The acceptance of homosexual marriage is a testament to how freedom can lead to a better, more inclusive society.
In conclusion, while some believe that the young should follow the traditions of society, others argue that individuals should be free to behave as they wish. In my opinion, it is better to promote traditional values that exert beneficial influences on people while respecting one’s freedom to decide their own life course.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural age term Original: young Suggested revision: younger Why it matters: "Younger generations" is the more natural term for young people as a group.
- 2. Use precise phrasing Original: the reasoning behind both perspectives Suggested revision: the reasons supporting both perspectives Why it matters: This wording refers more directly to the arguments for each view.
- 3. Complete the comparison Original: no matter how busy or far they are Suggested revision: regardless of how busy they are or how far away they live Why it matters: The original leaves "far" without a clear reference and breaks the parallel structure.
- 4. Use concise collocation Original: stumbling block in their life paths Suggested revision: obstacle in their lives Why it matters: This is a more natural and concise expression of the same idea.
- 5. Use direct wording Original: even when they are not willing to Suggested revision: against their will Why it matters: This phrase conveys the lack of consent more directly.
- 6. Sharpen evaluative language Original: beautiful traditions that are of utmost significance Suggested revision: valuable traditions of lasting significance Why it matters: "Valuable" states the intended judgement more precisely than "beautiful" here.
- 7. Fix wording and agreement Original: freely promoting values that align with their own life Suggested revision: freely pursuing values that align with their own lives Why it matters: "Pursuing" fits the intended action, and plural "lives" agrees with "young generations".
- 8. Choose natural collocation Original: gracious Suggested revision: positive Why it matters: "Positive values" is the more natural collocation for love and mutual understanding.
- 9. Use standard term Original: homosexual marriage Suggested revision: same-sex marriage Why it matters: "Same-sex marriage" is the conventional and more precise term in this context.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: However, building a family is a serious decision that can affect a person's entire life, and thus he or she should have the right to choose when they feel ready for marriage and parenthood. Suggested revision: However, starting a family is a serious decision that can affect people's entire lives, so they should have the right to choose when they feel ready for marriage and parenthood. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the inconsistent shift from singular "he or she" to plural "they" while preserving the claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- young younger
- the reasoning behind both perspectives the reasons supporting both perspectives
- no matter how busy or far they are regardless of how busy they are or how far away they live
- stumbling block in their life paths obstacle in their lives
- even when they are not willing to against their will
- beautiful traditions that are of utmost significance valuable traditions of lasting significance
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, nuanced position and develops both perspectives with relevant, concrete examples, while its complex sentence control is consistently strong. Its main limitation is a cluster of unnatural lexical combinations that occasionally make otherwise sophisticated points sound imprecise. The highest-priority improvement is to favour more idiomatic collocations when describing generations, values, and personal choices.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's qualified position are fully addressed through relevant, well-developed reasoning and examples.
Make the distinction between beneficial and outdated traditions even sharper by stating a consistent test for deciding which customs merit preservation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices clearly marking contrasts and extensions.
Reduce reliance on overt transitions such as 'Given this' and 'At the same time' where the logical relationship is already clear.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad vocabulary effectively, though phrases such as 'young generations,' 'gracious values,' and 'align with their own life' are not fully idiomatic.
Prioritise natural collocations, such as 'younger generations,' 'positive values,' and 'align with their lives,' over elaborate but awkward phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only occasional minor pronoun and reference issues.
Maintain consistent pronoun reference, especially when moving from plural groups such as 'young women' to individual examples.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that young people should follow the traditions of society. However, others believe that individuals should be free to behave as they wish. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.