Nowadays, managers and team leaders in different organizations are much younger compared to the past. What are the reasons for it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
These days, many managerial and leading positions are occupied by the younger generation in different companies in comparison with the past. This essay will discuss how a swift technological advance in business is the primary cause of this trend, and I believe that this is a positive development because young people revolutionise business through their fresh perspectives.
The main cause of this trend is the fast pace of technological progress. The digital era has stimulated the rapid development of technology, thereby changing the business landscape. In this context, the younger age group tends to be more proficient in adopting these technologies and they can thus take advantage of utilising cutting-edge technology more fully. In simple words, organizations are required to better harness the competencies and digital literacy that the young generation has and offer the opportunities they need. Julie Zhuo, for instance, became a manager at the age of just 25 at Facebook which was very unlikely in the past.
The fresh perspective contributes substantially to the ever-changing business landscape. Young leaders usually present new outlooks, thereby making groundbreaking works. Younger individuals, in fact, can develop fresh approaches and can readily adapt to changing demands. This, in turn, causes great creativity and innovation within companies. For example, the youth in high-tech industries have brought forth creative ideas and revolutionised businesses through innovative services and products. Tech startups like Cafe X, led by Henry Hu aged 25, have magically transformed the food service industry with the use of robotics and advanced AI.
To conclude, rapid technological advancements have provided young people with golden opportunities to attain managerial positions, and I think this is a positive development because they can revolutionise business through their fresh viewpoints and ideas.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise job term Original: leading Suggested revision: leadership Why it matters: 'Leadership positions' is the more natural term for roles held by managers and team leaders.
- 2. Improve the collocation Original: occupied by the younger generation Suggested revision: held by younger people Why it matters: Positions are more naturally described as being 'held' by people.
- 3. Use concise comparison Original: in comparison with the past Suggested revision: than in the past Why it matters: The comparative meaning is expressed more directly with 'than in the past'.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: a swift technological advance Suggested revision: rapid technological advancement Why it matters: 'Rapid technological advancement' is a more natural collocation for a broad ongoing trend.
- 5. Use direct wording Original: the younger age group Suggested revision: younger people Why it matters: The direct reference is more natural and concise than the abstract group label.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: proficient in adopting Suggested revision: proficient at using Why it matters: 'Proficient at using' accurately describes skill with technology.
- 7. Remove wordiness Original: take advantage of utilising cutting-edge technology more fully Suggested revision: make fuller use of cutting-edge technology Why it matters: The revision removes the redundant combination of 'take advantage of' and 'utilising'.
- 8. Match number and scope Original: The fresh perspective contributes Suggested revision: Fresh perspectives contribute Why it matters: The plural form matches the general reference to the perspectives of multiple young leaders.
- 9. Correct the collocation Original: thereby making groundbreaking works Suggested revision: thereby producing groundbreaking work Why it matters: 'Produce groundbreaking work' is the natural collocation, and 'work' is uncountable here.
- 10. Use precise verb Original: This, in turn, causes great creativity Suggested revision: This, in turn, fosters creativity Why it matters: 'Fosters creativity' expresses the intended effect more naturally and concisely.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: The digital era has stimulated the rapid development of technology, thereby changing the business landscape. Suggested revision: Rapid technological development in the digital era has transformed the business landscape. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the circular claim that the digital era stimulated technology while preserving the stated business effect.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Julie Zhuo, for instance, became a manager at the age of just 25 at Facebook which was very unlikely in the past. Suggested revision: Julie Zhuo, for instance, became a manager at Facebook at the age of just 25, an occurrence that was far less common in the past. Why it matters: The revision fixes the misplaced workplace phrase and replaces the ambiguous relative clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- leading leadership
- occupied by the younger generation held by younger people
- in comparison with the past than in the past
- a swift technological advance rapid technological advancement
- the younger age group younger people
- proficient in adopting proficient at using
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is especially strong in its clear progression and confident use of complex structures, with relevant examples supporting both the stated cause and positive evaluation. Its main limitation is the narrow treatment of the plural request for reasons and some overstated or unnatural word choices. The priority is to broaden the causal analysis or explicitly frame technology as the dominant reason while using more measured, idiomatic phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered clearly and the central ideas are well developed with relevant, specific examples.
Acknowledge an additional reason for younger leadership, or explicitly justify why technological change is the single dominant cause.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into focused paragraphs and uses cohesive devices to guide the reader smoothly through the argument.
Make the topic sentence of the positive-development paragraph explicitly connect young leadership to the claimed business benefit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide and topic-specific, though several expressions such as “making groundbreaking works” and “causes great creativity” are unnatural.
Prioritise idiomatic precision over intensifying language, using phrases such as “produce innovative work” and “foster creativity”.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used flexibly and accurately, with only minor errors that do not impede communication.
Polish relative-clause punctuation and avoid occasional cumbersome constructions such as “take advantage of utilising”.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays, managers and team leaders in different organizations are much younger compared to the past. What are the reasons for it? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.