The incidence of crimes and atrocities committed by the youth is increasing like wildfire in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this? Suggest at least one solution to curb it.
Sample Response
Undoubtedly, the rate of vandalism has grown far considerably in urban areas during last several decades. Youth are motivated to commit more variety of offences than before, and I believe that unemployment and overpopulation are two important reasons for that. Some influential solutions, considered by authorities, can reduce this rate.
To begin with, it is true that the number of violators has fundamentally grown in many cities. The first reason behind it is that the figures for jobless people have dramatically risen. Clearly, due to the economic recession of 2008, the rate of unemployment sharply increased, especially in some countries which have had a more vulnerable economy. For example, in Iran, thousands of juveniles were fired because their employers were not able to afford their wages; therefore, this group had more trends to become those offenders damaging private or public premises. To revenge the government, they have tried many times to ruin natural habitat, like firing woods. Another reason is the increasing of the global population. To control criminals, more police force should be hired; however, in many cities, insufficient police officers have created an unsafe living condition than the past. As a result, offenders, especially the young who have more energy, have found better opportunities to cross the line and commit more violations.
To address these issues, state authorities can implement some practical solutions to suppress the crime rate. One is that improving the economy. Having a better income and job positions, citizens, including juveniles, will be less interested in offences, like car robbery, shoplifting or even firing the wildlife. In addition, administrations should not only increase the number of police officers but have more practical solutions for controlling of overcrowding in cities. For instance, had the New York government followed this outline, the number of dangerous criminals would have significantly dropped.
In conclusion, economy depression and increasing the density of people, especially in urban areas, have led the rate of violence to incline. To tackle them, I think it is better governments not only create a better economy condition for citizens but consider some important plans to decrease the birth rate in cities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove faulty intensifier Original: has grown far considerably Suggested revision: has grown considerably Why it matters: Far cannot naturally intensify considerably in this phrase.
- 2. Add the article Original: during last several decades Suggested revision: during the last several decades Why it matters: The definite article is required before this specified time period.
- 3. Correct quantity phrase Original: more variety of offences Suggested revision: a wider variety of offences Why it matters: A wider variety is the idiomatic comparative expression.
- 4. Choose precise adjective Original: influential Suggested revision: effective Why it matters: Effective describes solutions that can successfully reduce the rate.
- 5. Use accurate action Original: considered Suggested revision: implemented Why it matters: Solutions reduce crime when authorities implement them, rather than merely consider them.
- 6. Correct collocation Original: fundamentally grown Suggested revision: increased significantly Why it matters: Significantly increased is the natural collocation for a large numerical rise.
- 7. Use count expression Original: the figures for jobless people Suggested revision: the number of unemployed people Why it matters: Number is the appropriate term for counting people.
- 8. Match plural nouns Original: countries which have had a more vulnerable economy Suggested revision: countries with more vulnerable economies Why it matters: The plural noun countries requires the corresponding plural economies in this general comparison.
- 9. Express likelihood clearly Original: had more trends to become Suggested revision: were more likely to become Why it matters: Be more likely to accurately expresses an increased tendency.
- 10. Add relative clause Original: those offenders damaging Suggested revision: offenders who damaged Why it matters: A relative clause is needed to describe what the offenders did.
- 11. Correct revenge phrase Original: To revenge the government Suggested revision: To take revenge on the government Why it matters: The idiomatic construction is take revenge on someone.
- 12. Use plural noun Original: habitat Suggested revision: habitats Why it matters: Habitats should be plural when referring generally to multiple natural areas.
Suggested Rewrites
- has grown far considerably has grown considerably
- during last several decades during the last several decades
- more variety of offences a wider variety of offences
- influential effective
- considered implemented
- fundamentally grown increased significantly
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest in its recognizable structure: it identifies two causes and proposes several corresponding actions. However, development is often weakened by implausible or unclear causal links, while frequent collocational and grammatical errors make several sentences awkward. The highest priority is to build each cause-and-solution chain with a realistic, clearly explained example, then express it in simpler, more accurate language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both requested parts are addressed, but several explanations and examples are insufficiently convincing or logically connected to youth crime.
Develop each proposed cause with a realistic mechanism and ensure every solution directly targets that cause.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overall structure and generally understandable progression, though some internal links and references are mechanical or unclear.
Use one focused cause or solution per paragraph and connect each example explicitly to the preceding claim.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range and some less common vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Choose familiar, accurate combinations such as “economic depression” and “set fire to forests” instead of forcing ambitious expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied complex structures, but recurring errors in articles, clause formation, comparison, and complementation make phrasing awkward.
Improve control of sentence patterns after linking verbs and comparative structures before adding further complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The incidence of crimes and atrocities committed by the youth is increasing like wildfire in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this? Suggest at least one solution to curb it.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.