People in all modern societies use drugs, but today's youth are expertimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse.
Sample Response
Youth drug abuse is a serious problem nowadays in many cultures. Not only is illegal drug use on the rise, but children as young as 10 years old are experimenting with alcohol and tobacco. The reasons for this behaviour are unclear, but certain sociologists blame the examples set by their elders. Parents who drink and smoke to excess are, in effect, telling their children that it is acceptable to abuse their bodies with drugs. Consequently, children may have a similar view towards illegal drugs, even if their parents are against their use. In addition, drug use shown on television and in films can only confuse children who are also taught at school that drug abuse is wrong. The pressure on young people to perform well at school in order to compete for jobs is a possible cause of the problem. Many believe they cannot live up to their parents' expectations, and feel a sense of hopelessness. Also, the widespread availability of drugs means teenagers are faced with the temptation to experiment. Drugs are used as a means of expressing dissatisfaction with the pressures they face in society. The effects of drug abuse are well known. Many young people's talents are wasted, and addiction to hard drugs can cost a user his or her life. Furthermore, those who drink and drive may be involved in fatal road accidents. The cost to society is great, and enormous amounts of money are spent on convicting drug dealers and on education programmes. To conclude, I recommend that the only sensible way to solve this problem is to educate young people about the dangers of drug use, and to take steps to reduce the pressure of competition placed upon them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural word order Original: nowadays in many cultures Suggested revision: in many cultures today Why it matters: This order is more natural and concise in formal writing.
- 2. Complete correlative link Original: children as young as 10 years old are experimenting Suggested revision: children as young as 10 years old are also experimenting Why it matters: Adding ‘also’ completes the ‘not only ... but also’ relationship.
- 3. Use precise collocation Original: view Suggested revision: attitude Why it matters: ‘Attitude towards’ more precisely describes a person’s stance on drug use.
- 4. Use precise noun phrase Original: drug use shown on television and in films Suggested revision: depictions of drug use on television and in films Why it matters: ‘Depictions of drug use’ describes media portrayals more precisely.
- 5. Avoid absolute wording Original: can only confuse Suggested revision: can confuse Why it matters: Removing ‘only’ avoids an unnecessary absolute claim while preserving the meaning.
- 6. Clarify pronoun reference Original: Many believe they Suggested revision: Many young people believe they Why it matters: Naming the group removes ambiguity about who holds this belief.
- 7. Use direct construction Original: means teenagers are faced with Suggested revision: means that teenagers face Why it matters: The active construction is clearer and grammatically direct.
- 8. Use concise plural form Original: cost a user his or her life Suggested revision: cost users their lives Why it matters: The plural form expresses the general claim more concisely.
- 9. Use formal wording Original: great Suggested revision: substantial Why it matters: ‘Substantial’ is more precise and formal than ‘great’ for financial cost.
- 10. Use precise legal term Original: convicting Suggested revision: prosecuting Why it matters: Public spending relates more directly to the legal process of prosecution.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: The effects of drug abuse are well known. Suggested revision: The effects of drug abuse are widely recognized. Why it matters: The revision uses a more formal and precise expression.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: To conclude, I recommend that the only sensible way to solve this problem is to educate young people about the dangers of drug use, and to take steps to reduce the pressure of competition placed upon them. Suggested revision: To conclude, I recommend educating young people about the dangers of drug use and taking steps to reduce the pressure of competition placed on them. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the awkward ‘recommend that the only sensible way’ construction and keeps the two recommendations parallel.
Suggested Rewrites
- nowadays in many cultures in many cultures today
- children as young as 10 years old are experimenting children as young as 10 years old are also experimenting
- view attitude
- drug use shown on television and in films depictions of drug use on television and in films
- can only confuse can confuse
- Many believe they Many young people believe they
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its direct, well-supported coverage of multiple causes and effects, expressed with precise vocabulary and controlled sentence structures. The main limitation is presentation: the entire discussion appears as one continuous paragraph, while the recommendations receive less development than the analysis. The highest priority is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and explain how each proposed measure would reduce abuse.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses causes, personal and social effects, and relevant recommendations with clear, well-developed supporting detail.
Extend the recommendations by briefly explaining how education and reduced competitive pressure would change young people’s behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from causes to effects and solutions with well-managed cohesive links, although the single-block presentation obscures the structure.
Separate the introduction, causes, effects, and recommendations into distinct paragraphs so the strong progression is immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and natural across the discussion, with effective control of topic-specific and less common expressions.
Refine the few slightly awkward combinations by choosing the most idiomatic prepositions and noun phrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately, and nearly all sentences are clear and well controlled.
Polish minor punctuation and phrasing choices while preserving the effective variety of sentence forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People in all modern societies use drugs, but today's youth are expertimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.