In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Sample Response
Schooling is a platform that develops a student's personality. Unfortunately, problems created by aggressive student behaviour are on a rise in several countries. This essay analyses the various causes and remedial actions that can be taken to prevent it.
Primary cause of violent behaviour of students can be attributed to their social background. An individual constantly exposed to violence at home will tend to act the same manner at school. Secondly, school environment plays a vital role in shaping a student's character. Modern education is based on competition and comparison. For example, schools conduct monthly examinations to assess the student's progress and due to this they are subjected to undue stress that leads to acts of violence being committed at school.
Although the issue of student behaviour is a serious one, appropriate measures should be taken to eliminate the problems at the grass-root level. Parents should create a harmonious environment at home where a student has independence to express his views that can result in a drastic improvement in their behaviour outside the home. Schools must revamp their education system to create a non-competitive way of learning which will result in a healthy ecosystem where individual talent is respected. There should be several ways of grading based on individual’s talent and not have a one scale fits all grading system.
In conclusion, social and education system, which are the major contributors to extreme behaviour of students can be kerbed by placing right measures at home and school. Students are the jewel of our society, and it is our responsibility to guide them in the right direction.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Article phrase Original: are on a rise Suggested revision: are on the rise Why it matters: The fixed expression is on the rise.
- 2. Missing article Original: Primary cause Suggested revision: The primary cause Why it matters: A singular countable noun needs an article.
- 3. Missing preposition Original: the same manner Suggested revision: in the same manner Why it matters: Use in the same manner or in the same way.
- 4. Missing article Original: school environment Suggested revision: the school environment Why it matters: The specific environment needs the article the.
- 5. Over-specific singular Original: the student's progress Suggested revision: students’ progress Why it matters: The sentence refers to students in general, so use the plural possessive.
- 6. Vague reference Original: due to this Suggested revision: as a result of this pressure Why it matters: Name the cause so the link is clearer.
- 7. Wrong form Original: grass-root level Suggested revision: grassroots level Why it matters: The usual adjective is grassroots.
- 8. Awkward noun choice Original: where a student has independence Suggested revision: where students have the freedom Why it matters: Freedom is more natural than independence in this context.
- 9. Pronoun agreement Original: in their behaviour Suggested revision: in his or her behaviour Why it matters: A student is singular, so the pronoun should match or the noun should be plural.
- 10. Imprecise phrase Original: a non-competitive way of learning Suggested revision: a less competitive learning environment Why it matters: The revised phrase fits the education context better.
- 11. Missing article Original: based on individual’s talent Suggested revision: based on an individual’s talent Why it matters: Individual is singular and countable.
- 12. Fixed expression Original: a one scale fits all Suggested revision: a one-size-fits-all Why it matters: Use the standard compound adjective.
Suggested Rewrites
- are on a rise are on the rise
- Primary cause The primary cause
- the same manner in the same manner
- school environment the school environment
- the student's progress students’ progress
- due to this as a result of this pressure
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay answers both parts of the question with clear causes and solutions. The ideas are relevant and generally developed, though some claims about examinations and violence need fuller explanation and the solutions could be more practical.
Extend each main idea by explaining the cause-effect link more precisely and adding one practical implementation detail for each solution.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure is clear, and progression from causes to solutions is easy to follow. Cohesion is effective overall, but some referencing is imprecise and the final paragraph compresses several ideas.
Use clearer referencing for this issue, these behaviours, and these measures so the reader always knows what each pronoun refers to.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible enough for the topic, with phrases such as social background, undue stress, and non-competitive way of learning. A few expressions are unnatural or misspelled, including are on a rise, grass-root level, and kerbed.
Polish collocations and avoid memorised metaphors when a direct academic phrase would be clearer.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses complex structures and is usually accurate, but errors with articles, prepositions, agreement, and relative clauses remain. These errors rarely obscure meaning.
Check article use before singular countable nouns and review agreement when the subject is a long noun phrase.