Many people believe that zoos have no purpose in today’s world and should be closed. What problems do zoos bring? What are the alternatives to zoos if they are closed?
Sample Response
The presence of zoos in our cities and towns has been questioned a lot recently, and opinions differ about whether they provide benefits to people and animals, or whether they should be closed. Initially, we need to think about the negative issues with zoos. Many people believe it is wrong to take animals out of their natural environment and put them into cages. They believe that this is cruel and is only done to attract visitors and make money. In addition, many people feel that we should not interfere with nature, and if possible, animals should be allowed to stay in their own environment. In terms of alternatives, there are a few options that we have. Wildlife parks are becoming more popular in today’s world. These provide more space for animals to wander around and they provide a habitat which is more similar to animals’ natural homes. A more permanent solution which would enable us all to see animals in the wild would be for airlines to reduce their ticket prices. If air travel were cheaper, then we would all be able to see wild animals in their natural habitat and there would be no need for zoos in our cities. We should also promote channels on TV such as National Geographic. Here, people can see wildlife as it should be seen. As we can see, zoos are not the only way for humans to see and learn about wild animals. If there were no zoos, it would still be possible for scientists and ordinary people to preserve and experience nature.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use formal phrasing Original: questioned a lot recently Suggested revision: widely questioned recently Why it matters: “Widely questioned” is more concise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
- 2. Use logical opener Original: Initially Suggested revision: To begin with Why it matters: This phrase introduces the first part of the discussion more naturally than the time-focused “Initially.”
- 3. Use precise wording Original: negative issues with zoos Suggested revision: problems associated with zoos Why it matters: The replacement is more precise and avoids the vague combination “negative issues.”
- 4. Use concise wording Original: take animals out of their natural environment Suggested revision: remove animals from their natural habitats Why it matters: The replacement expresses the same idea more concisely and uses the natural plural “habitats.”
- 5. Avoid wordiness Original: options that we have Suggested revision: available alternatives Why it matters: This concise phrase connects directly to the alternatives requested in the task.
- 6. Use concise time reference Original: in today’s world Suggested revision: today Why it matters: “Today” conveys the same time reference without unnecessary wording.
- 7. Avoid verb repetition Original: provide Suggested revision: offer Why it matters: “Offer” avoids repeating “provide” while preserving the intended meaning.
- 8. Use precise comparison Original: which is more similar to animals’ natural homes Suggested revision: that more closely resembles the animals’ natural habitat Why it matters: “More closely resembles” makes the comparison more concise and natural.
- 9. Use concise term Original: channels on TV Suggested revision: television channels Why it matters: “Television channels” is the standard concise expression in formal writing.
- 10. Clarify the reference Original: Here Suggested revision: On these channels Why it matters: The explicit reference links this sentence more clearly to the television channels just mentioned.
- 11. Separate discussion stages Suggested revision: Use separate paragraphs for the problems caused by zoos and the proposed alternatives, with the final summary kept distinct. Why it matters: Clear paragraph boundaries would make the shift from problems to alternatives easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- questioned a lot recently widely questioned recently
- Initially To begin with
- negative issues with zoos problems associated with zoos
- take animals out of their natural environment remove animals from their natural habitats
- options that we have available alternatives
- in today’s world today
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response’s strongest feature is its direct coverage of both questions, offering several distinct alternatives and explaining how each could replace a zoo’s educational or viewing role. The main limitation is that the discussion of zoo-related problems is comparatively narrow and some proposals, especially cheaper air travel, are not critically developed. Prioritise deeper explanation of the harms caused by zoos and justify alternatives with more realistic, specific support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with relevant ideas, although the problems section is narrow and the air-travel alternative lacks convincing practical support.
Explain a wider range of zoo-related harms and show more clearly why each proposed alternative would be workable.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly from problems to alternatives and uses cohesive language effectively, but the absence of visible paragraph divisions weakens organisation.
Separate the introduction, problems, alternatives, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with clear central topics.
Lexical Resource
A varied and generally precise vocabulary supports the discussion of captivity, habitats, wildlife viewing, and preservation, with only minor repetition.
Reduce repeated words such as provide and choose more exact terms when evaluating the practical value of each alternative.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with clear control of subordination and conditional forms.
Refine the few awkward comparative and parallel constructions to make otherwise controlled sentences more concise and natural.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people believe that zoos have no purpose in today’s world and should be closed. What problems do zoos bring? What are the alternatives to zoos if they are closed?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.