Modern communication systems benefit many people yet there are some that oppose to them. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement.
Sample Response
Contemporary communication tools yield positive results for their consumers but a host of people refute this statement. While it is observed a sizeable minority of negative attitude toward consequences of communication devices, I believe that these facilities such as TV, the Internet, computers, smart phones etc. play an indispensable role in our life.
Mass communication bears a plethora of significant outcomes that include mass media, mobile, World Wide Web. First of all, a substantial majority of TV channels are producing various learning programs which their contents contain educating the public. As a prime example, tremendous televisions have illustrated driving rules via animation and short movies. Furthermore, TV and radio entertain an overwhelming number of individuals in every day. In addition, audiences can grasp beneficial information in a wide range of fields. Most importantly, we can considerably decline our costs and avoid wasting our time by using services of websites and TV news.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Choose precise noun Original: consumers Suggested revision: users Why it matters: People who use communication tools are more precisely described as 'users'.
- 2. Use neutral wording Original: a host of people Suggested revision: many people Why it matters: This neutral expression fits an academic discussion more naturally.
- 3. Correct the meaning Original: refute this statement Suggested revision: reject this view Why it matters: People can reject a view, whereas 'refute' means to prove an assertion false.
- 4. Use precise collocation Original: bears a plethora of significant outcomes Suggested revision: has numerous significant benefits Why it matters: This wording clearly identifies the positive results being discussed and avoids an unnatural verb-noun combination.
- 5. Correct the list Original: that include mass media, mobile, World Wide Web Suggested revision: including mass media, mobile phones and the World Wide Web Why it matters: The revised phrase supplies the missing noun and article and links the list correctly.
- 6. Fix relative clause Original: which their contents contain educating the public Suggested revision: whose content educates the public Why it matters: The possessive relative pronoun 'whose' creates a grammatical clause without the redundant verb 'contain'.
- 7. Correct the noun phrase Original: tremendous televisions Suggested revision: many television channels Why it matters: The intended meaning concerns numerous channels, not televisions of great size or intensity.
- 8. Use precise verb Original: illustrated Suggested revision: explained Why it matters: 'Explained' better describes teaching rules through animation and short films.
- 9. Remove wrong preposition Original: in every day Suggested revision: every day Why it matters: The time expression 'every day' does not take the preposition 'in'.
- 10. Use natural phrasing Original: audiences can grasp beneficial information Suggested revision: audiences can gain useful information Why it matters: People naturally 'gain information', and 'useful' describes its value directly.
- 11. Use concise wording Original: yield positive results Suggested revision: provide benefits Why it matters: This phrase expresses the positive effect more directly and naturally.
- 12. Keep the subject precise Original: Mass communication Suggested revision: Modern communication technologies Why it matters: This subject matches the range of tools and systems discussed in the paragraph more precisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- consumers users
- a host of people many people
- refute this statement reject this view
- bears a plethora of significant outcomes has numerous significant benefits
- that include mass media, mobile, World Wide Web including mass media, mobile phones and the World Wide Web
- which their contents contain educating the public whose content educates the public
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear positive position and lists several relevant benefits of modern communication, with a basic progression from education to entertainment and convenience. Its main limitation is severe underdevelopment: at 152 words, it offers only one body paragraph, gives limited support, and has no concluding synthesis. The highest-priority improvement is to complete a full essay with developed examples and a concise conclusion, then correct recurring grammatical and collocational errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position and several relevant benefits are presented, but the response is far below the required length and the ideas remain insufficiently developed.
Add another fully developed body paragraph and a conclusion, using specific evidence to explain how communication systems benefit people.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and body paragraph follow a basic logical direction, but the sequence becomes a mechanical list and the response lacks a complete essay progression.
Group related benefits into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences, explanation, and a concluding link to the position.
Lexical Resource
The writer attempts a broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices make many statements awkward and occasionally unclear.
Prioritize accurate common expressions such as reduce costs, every day, and online services instead of forcing imprecise high-level vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in clause structure, articles, agreement, and noun phrases limit grammatical control.
Build accurate subject-verb-clause patterns first and check every relative clause and article before adding further complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Modern communication systems benefit many people yet there are some that oppose to them. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.