Modern communication systems benefit many people yet there are some that oppose to them. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement.
Sample Response
Contemporary communication tools yield positive results for their consumers but a host of people refute this statement. While it is observed a sizeable minority of negative attitude toward consequences of communication devices, I believe that these facilities such as TV, the Internet, computers, smart phones etc. play an indispensable role in our life.
Mass communication bears a plethora of significant outcomes that include mass media, mobile, World Wide Web. First of all, a substantial majority of TV channels are producing various learning programs which their contents contain educating the public. As a prime example, tremendous televisions have illustrated driving rules via animation and short movies. Furthermore, TV and radio entertain an overwhelming number of individuals in every day. In addition, audiences can grasp beneficial information in a wide range of fields. Most importantly, we can considerably decline our costs and avoid wasting our time by using services of websites and TV news.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name technology users Original: consumers Suggested revision: users Why it matters: People who use communication tools are more accurately called users than consumers.
- 2. Use concise quantity Original: a host of people Suggested revision: many people Why it matters: The direct quantifier is clearer than the figurative phrase “a host of.”
- 3. Use natural service phrase Original: bears a plethora of significant outcomes Suggested revision: provides several important services Why it matters: Mass communication provides services; it does not “bear outcomes.”
- 4. Complete parallel list Original: mass media, mobile, World Wide Web Suggested revision: mass media, mobile phones and the World Wide Web Why it matters: The list requires a complete plural noun for mobile devices and an article before “World Wide Web.”
- 5. Name broadcasters correctly Original: tremendous televisions Suggested revision: many television channels Why it matters: Television channels broadcast content, and “tremendous televisions” does not express a large number naturally.
- 6. Use teaching verb Original: illustrated Suggested revision: explained Why it matters: Rules are more naturally explained than illustrated when describing educational content.
- 7. Remove incorrect preposition Original: in every day Suggested revision: every day Why it matters: The time expression “every day” takes no preposition.
- 8. Use information collocation Original: grasp beneficial information Suggested revision: obtain useful information Why it matters: People obtain information; “grasp” refers to understanding an idea rather than acquiring information.
- 9. Use transitive reduce Original: decline Suggested revision: reduce Why it matters: “Decline” is intransitive here, while “reduce” can take “our costs” as its object.
- 10. Fix service construction Original: using services of websites and TV news Suggested revision: using online services and television news Why it matters: The revision uses natural noun modifiers and removes the awkward “services of websites” phrase.
- 11. Use opinion verb Original: refute this statement Suggested revision: reject this view Why it matters: People reject a view; “refute” means prove a claim false rather than merely oppose it.
- 12. Name technologies clearly Original: facilities Suggested revision: technologies Why it matters: Communication tools are technologies rather than facilities.
Suggested Rewrites
- consumers users
- a host of people many people
- bears a plethora of significant outcomes provides several important services
- mass media, mobile, World Wide Web mass media, mobile phones and the World Wide Web
- tremendous televisions many television channels
- illustrated explained
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response establishes a clear favourable position and provides several relevant benefits of modern communication systems. However, at only 152 words, it is substantially underdeveloped, lacks a conclusion, and relies on a list of loosely explained claims expressed through frequent awkward collocations. The highest-priority improvement is to complete a full essay with developed examples, a concluding restatement, and more natural word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position and relevant benefits are presented, but the response is substantially under length and its ideas receive limited development.
Write at least 250 words, develop two central reasons with specific explanation or examples, and add a conclusion that confirms the position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a discernible introduction and body, but the body becomes a mechanically linked list and the essay ends without a conclusion.
Organise the benefits into focused paragraphs whose supporting sentences clearly develop one controlling idea at a time.
Lexical Resource
The writer attempts a reasonably varied vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and exaggerated word choices reduce precision.
Prioritise natural phrases such as reduce costs, educational programmes, and many television channels over unnecessarily elaborate alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Several sentence forms are attempted and meaning remains generally clear, though errors in clause structure, articles, and word forms occur frequently.
Practise building accurate complex sentences with relative clauses and check article, plural, and preposition choices systematically.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Modern communication systems benefit many people yet there are some that oppose to them. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.