Some people choose to have their first child at an older age. What are the reasons? Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?
Sample Response
There is a growing proportion of the world’s population who decide to have children later in life.The underlying reasons for this trend are varied, and I suppose that the merits outweigh the downsideswould eclipse the downsides.
There are two main factors leading to the decision to delay childbirthdecision of delaying childbirth. The first is thatThe first one is because people tend to prioritizehave the propensity for prioritizing their careers over taking on parental rolestaking parental roles. Especially in the US and other developed countries, not only men but also women want to achieve financial stabilitystabilize their finance before becoming parents so as to provide their kids with sufficient living conditionscondition for their future development. Another explanation for this is that many modern individuals have developedadopted a fear of assuming unwanted parental responsibilitytaking unwanted custody due to the recent rise in the divorce raterecent alarming rate of divorce. It is because premature marriages have become common, which usually goes with many couples’ doubt of their marital harmony, deterring their early desire for raising a child. There would be, consequently, fewer kids growing up without fatherhood or motherhood.
However, the drawbacks should not be overlooked. That too many couples following such a trend might exert adverse effects on the population structure, which potentially results in the future aging workforce and hinders social development in the long term. Additionally, delayed childbirth couldit could both increase the risk of infertilityheighten the possibility of infertility among older mothersmothers at their old age and endanger newborn babies' mental and physical healthrisk the new-born babies’ mental and physical health. Down syndromeSyndrome could be a typical example of the problems that those kids might have to suffer from.
In conclusion, the occupational prioritization and concern about becoming a single parentthe hesitation over the likelihood of single-parent responsibility could be seen as the root of late childbirth, and I am convinced that the advantages are more significantadvantages are of more significance.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response identifies two plausible reasons for delayed parenthood and communicates them through a clear overall structure and varied language. Its main limitation is that the claimed advantages are largely embedded within the reasons paragraph, while the disadvantages receive a separate, fuller discussion, leaving the conclusion that benefits outweigh drawbacks insufficiently demonstrated. The highest-priority improvement is to develop and explicitly compare the benefits and costs before reaching the final judgement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The reasons are relevant and developed, but the advantages-over-disadvantages question is answered unevenly and the final judgement lacks explicit comparative support.
Add a distinct, well-developed advantage and directly weigh its significance against the demographic and health drawbacks.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly through reasons and drawbacks, although the organisation obscures the advantage that is meant to justify the final position.
Separate reasons, advantages, and disadvantages into clearly signposted stages so the evaluative argument is easy to follow.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of topic-specific vocabulary, but recurring awkward collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace phrases such as stabilize their finance, adopted a fear, and future aging workforce with more idiomatic academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used frequently and meaning remains clear, despite several errors in sentence formation, agreement, spacing, and reference.
Edit long sentences for secure clause structure and clearer pronoun reference, especially in the paragraph discussing drawbacks.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people choose to have their first child at an older age. What are the reasons? Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.