In your country, is there more need for land to be left in its natural condition or is there more need for land to be developed for housing and industry?
Sample Response
It has become a debatable issue in Indonesia- whether more lands should be converted into real estate and commercial areas or should the government preserve and maintain the natural areas. The following essay will discuss both views, but in my opinion, we could expand new residential areas but it should be accurately measured and properly executed.
For a number of reasons, the government of Indonesia should conserve some of its' natural areas. Firstly, these green areas are producing oxygen which is an important part of the human respiration. As the number of trees and plants are decreasing, it might have a negative effect on the air quality. Secondly, the existence of the green areas can prevent some natural disasters such as flood and erosion. One of the examples would the annual flood disaster in Jakarta, which was caused by the conversion of Mangrove forests in the suburb of Kapuk into residential areas.
On the other hand, Indonesia has experienced a significant growth in term of its population. The density level and congestion issue become a major issue for some the towns and cities in the country. As a consequence, the demand for new housing, commercial and industrial areas increased rapidly in the past few years. Therefore, it is understandable that the government is converting some the natural lands into residential areas.
In conclusion, it is true that the government of Indonesia should preserve some of the natural areas, but due to the significant growth of the population, they should expand some residential and industrial land as well. In my point of view, I do agree that the government should expand housing and commercial areas in the future, but they should execute it in the proper way. It should be expanded proportionately and with cautious measurement, to ensure that the portion of natural and residential areas have a balance.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use uncountable noun Original: lands Suggested revision: land Why it matters: Land is uncountable when referring generally to territory.
- 2. Fix dash punctuation Original: Indonesia- whether Suggested revision: Indonesia—whether Why it matters: An em dash correctly introduces the alternative without the incorrect hyphen construction.
- 3. Restore parallel structure Original: or should the government preserve Suggested revision: or whether the government should preserve Why it matters: The two alternatives need parallel whether clauses and statement word order.
- 4. Use decisive modal Original: could Suggested revision: should Why it matters: Should expresses the stated recommendation more clearly than could.
- 5. Separate independent clauses Original: residential areas but it Suggested revision: residential areas, but it Why it matters: A comma is needed before but when it joins two independent clauses.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: accurately measured and properly executed Suggested revision: carefully planned and properly implemented Why it matters: Policies and development are more naturally described as planned and implemented.
- 7. Fix possessive form Original: its' Suggested revision: its Why it matters: The possessive determiner its never takes an apostrophe.
- 8. Use simple present Original: are producing Suggested revision: produce Why it matters: The simple present describes the general function of green areas.
- 9. Remove unnecessary article Original: the human respiration Suggested revision: human respiration Why it matters: Respiration is used without the definite article in this general statement.
- 10. Fix subject agreement Original: are Suggested revision: is Why it matters: The singular head noun number requires the verb is.
- 11. Use plural count noun Original: flood Suggested revision: floods Why it matters: Flood is a countable disaster and needs the plural form in this general reference.
- 12. Complete verb phrase Original: One of the examples would the annual flood disaster Suggested revision: One example would be the annual flood disaster Why it matters: The construction would be requires the verb be.
Suggested Rewrites
- lands land
- Indonesia- whether Indonesia—whether
- or should the government preserve or whether the government should preserve
- could should
- residential areas but it residential areas, but it
- accurately measured and properly executed carefully planned and properly implemented
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear, balanced position and supports conservation with relevant Indonesian examples, while maintaining a logical paragraph structure. Its main limitation is recurring imprecision in grammar and collocation, alongside somewhat thinner development of the case for construction. The highest-priority improvement is to control articles, agreement, and noun forms while explaining more precisely how measured development would balance environmental and housing needs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both land-use needs, maintains a clear qualified preference for development, and supports conservation with a specific example.
Develop the housing and industry argument as fully as the conservation case, especially how and where expansion should occur.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure creates clear progression, although linking is sometimes mechanical and ideas are occasionally repeated.
Use more varied internal transitions and make each conclusion sentence advance the argument instead of restating the same balance.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate topic-specific range, but frequent collocation and word-form problems reduce precision.
Replace awkward combinations such as cautious measurement with natural land-use collocations and check singular, plural, and possessive forms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the argument clearly, but article, agreement, and clause-construction errors recur.
Prioritize accurate articles and subject-verb agreement, then proofread complex sentences for missing words and faulty clause patterns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In your country, is there more need for land to be left in its natural condition or is there more need for land to be developed for housing and industry?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.