Some education systems make students focus on certain subjects at the age of 15, while others require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school. What are the benefits of each system? Which is better?
Sample Response
Many students are made to attend selected subjectscertain classes when they are 15 years of age, while others are required to learn various subjects before leaving school. Although an education system with a broad range of subjects can provide diverse knowledge, onethat with a narrower range is better as learners have more time for other desired activitiesother activities desired.
Those supporting the former education system may claim that students can access a wider range of knowledge that they may need later in lifein their later life. Having a chance to attend many classes, students are taught numerous lessons related to various fields, many of which can be of great help when they grow up. For instance, in Vietnam, students aiming at engineering courses atin university are only required to have good grades in Maths and Physics. However, the knowledge they have acquired in subjects outside their specialisationnon-major classes like English or Computer Science can offer them a competitive edge when they apply for a job in a multinational company, compared to those who are not familiar with foreign languages or computers.
On the other hand, students who study only a few subjects have more time for other purposes than those studying so many. With fewer subjects to learn, they have extra time either for stress relievers such as playing sportsplaying some sport or taking a rest or for further research related to their chosen subjects. These stress-relieving activitiesThe former activity helps students relieve pressure at school and recharge their energy, whereas the latter is a good way of reviewing the lesson taught in class. Scientifically, these activities increase their study efficiency and academic performance, so such an education system is much better than one that forces studentsthat forcing students to learn various subjects.
In conclusion, although the knowledge learnt in various classes is potentially helpful, I believe that a study program with fewer subjectsnot so many classes is more beneficial to students because it gives them more timestudents who can have more time for deeper study or relaxation.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response directly answers both questions, sustains a clear preference, and develops each system's benefit through well-organised explanation and a relevant example. Its main limitation is occasional awkward or imprecise phrasing, especially in comparisons and references to subjects or activities, with a few compressed structures affecting naturalness. Refine collocations and sentence phrasing while preserving the strong development and progression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both systems' benefits are fully addressed, the preferred system is consistently identified, and the ideas are well developed with relevant support.
Strengthen the case further by qualifying the broad claim that the narrower curriculum is universally more efficient.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with cohesive devices used effectively.
Make a few references more explicit so terms such as former and latter cannot momentarily slow the reader.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective academic phrasing despite occasional awkward choices such as activities desired and stress relievers.
Replace the few unnatural combinations with idiomatic alternatives and use more exact language when comparing curricula.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled with strong control, although a few compressed comparative constructions are awkward or incomplete.
Revise elliptical phrases such as that with a narrower range and that forcing students into fully natural comparative clauses.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some education systems make students focus on certain subjects at the age of 15, while others require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school. What are the benefits of each system? Which is better?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.