Sport is one of the most popular draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sport on television is to blame for the poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Sample Response
Technology has given people wings to fly, but along with that, it has made them lethargic. One such technological advancement is television. With different kinds of content being lined up on television, sport is one such programme which is watched and enjoyed by all groups of people, and the ongoing craze of different sports on television has inspired the young generation to a great extent. Now the question arises if this trend is supposed to be blamed for the poor health of the young generation or not. This essay delves into this issue. The more they watch their favourite sports on TV, the more they become addicted to watching it, whilst the evolution of sports on television was not meant to do that. The motive to promote sports on televisions was to inform people of sports activities and to instil a feeling of vigour and enthusiasm in people, particularly among young people, so that they take part in different sports. However, these days, the young generation takes watching sports on television as a leisure activity. Instead of inspiring, it has rather instilled a feeling of apathy about taking part in outdoor sports among youth by occupying their free time. Moreover, the young one's, these days, just love to have a gala time watching sports. They no more feel the need to go out and partake in physical activities which in turn has affected their health. According to some recent statistics, more than 80% of youths watch major football tournaments on TV, a many-fold rise than the last decade, but the actual participants in football in real life have considerably decreased than our past generation. In my view, there is no harm in watching sports on television sometimes. But if it exceeds the desired time limit then the alarm has to be raised. Along with watching sports, they should take part in these sports in the fields and outdoors.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct transition Original: along with that Suggested revision: at the same time Why it matters: The replacement expresses the contrast more naturally and directly.
- 2. Simplify the phrasing Original: With different kinds of content being lined up on television Suggested revision: With many kinds of content available on television Why it matters: Available is more natural than being lined up when referring to television content generally.
- 3. Choose accurate term Original: sport is one such programme Suggested revision: sport is one such type of programming Why it matters: Programming describes a broad category of television content more accurately than a single programme.
- 4. Use concise wording Original: all groups of people Suggested revision: people of all age groups Why it matters: The revision states the intended range of viewers more precisely.
- 5. Use whether clause Original: Now the question arises if Suggested revision: The question is whether Why it matters: Whether correctly introduces the two explicit alternatives in this indirect question.
- 6. Use direct wording Original: is supposed to be blamed Suggested revision: should be blamed Why it matters: The revision expresses the intended judgment more directly and idiomatically.
- 7. Use mass noun Original: televisions Suggested revision: television Why it matters: Television is uncountable when it refers to the medium rather than individual devices.
- 8. Use natural preposition Original: inform people of sports activities Suggested revision: inform people about sporting activities Why it matters: Inform someone about something is the natural construction in this context.
- 9. Correct the expression Original: takes Suggested revision: regards Why it matters: Regard something as is the appropriate expression for classifying an activity.
- 10. Complete the modifier Original: Instead of inspiring Suggested revision: Instead of inspiring young people Why it matters: The modifier needs an object to state whom televised sport fails to inspire.
- 11. Place adverb naturally Original: rather Suggested revision: instead Why it matters: Instead occupies the natural position for marking this contrast.
- 12. Tighten the collocation Original: feeling of apathy about taking part Suggested revision: apathy towards taking part Why it matters: The shorter phrase uses the standard preposition with apathy.
Suggested Rewrites
- along with that at the same time
- With different kinds of content being lined up on television With many kinds of content available on television
- sport is one such programme sport is one such type of programming
- all groups of people people of all age groups
- Now the question arises if The question is whether
- is supposed to be blamed should be blamed
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a relevant, qualified position and develops the link between passive viewing and reduced activity with a supporting example. Its effectiveness is weakened by the absence of paragraphing and by recurring awkward or inaccurate expressions, which make an otherwise understandable argument feel compressed and less precise. Organise the argument into clear introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, then edit collocations and sentence boundaries carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the claim and ultimately gives a qualified opinion, though the position emerges late and development is somewhat repetitive.
State the degree of agreement in the introduction and develop distinct reasons instead of revisiting the same viewing-versus-participation point.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a discernible progression, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph severely weakens organisation.
Separate the introduction, supporting arguments, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with one clear function each.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows reasonable range, but frequent awkward collocations and word-form choices limit precision.
Replace expressions such as many-fold rise than and the young one's with accurate, natural academic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms communicates meaning clearly, although agreement, punctuation, and comparative structures contain recurring errors.
Edit plural forms, possessives, sentence boundaries, and comparisons systematically before submitting.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Sport is one of the most popular draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sport on television is to blame for the poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.