Sport is one of the most popular draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sport on television is to blame for the poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Sample Response
Sport has truly become one of the most entertaining and popular television shows these days. A group of people believe that these sport shows have negative effects on young people, as they prefer to watch those games on television rather than exercising or taking part in them in their free time. To a certain point, I would agree with the statement, but I also believe that its effects depend on the personality of each individual. It is a fact that the number of sports channels has increased rapidly in recent years. Cable channels such as ESPN, Ten Sports, Star Sports, Fox Sports and so on broadcast attractive sports and live competitions all day long. As a consequence, many young people watch television for several hours just to watch these games. The condition gets worst as they are also consuming unhealthy food such as popcorn, candies and soda when they watch these shows. Therefore, a lot of people believe that these channels have been the main cause of bad health conditions of young generation nowadays. Having said that, these sports programmes should not be primarily blamed for youngsters' poor health conditions as there are other factors which affect the health of young people. Firstly, many parents do not teach their children about a healthy lifestyle. They let their children watch television, play video games and chat on mobile phones for many hours a day and do not take them outdoors. The popularity of different junk foods and soda is the reason many young people's health condition is deteriorating. I believe that it depends on the personality of each individual. Some young people understand the bad effect of watching television for such long hours, but others just do not care about it. Therefore, sports channels would only be one of the factors that affect the health condition of young people but not the primary cause of it. In conclusion, to a certain extent, I would agree that sports programmes on TV have some negative effects on the health condition of young people, but, I also believe that there are other equally and more important factors which can also lead to poor health situation among youngsters.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct fixed phrase Original: point Suggested revision: extent Why it matters: “To a certain extent” is the standard expression for partial agreement.
- 2. Match plural reference Original: its Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The pronoun should agree with the plural “sports shows.”
- 3. Name channel type Original: Cable Suggested revision: Sports Why it matters: “Sports channels” identifies the listed broadcasters more precisely than the broad technical category “cable channels.”
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: broadcast attractive sports Suggested revision: broadcast popular sporting events Why it matters: Channels broadcast sporting events rather than “attractive sports.”
- 5. Fix comparative form Original: condition gets worst Suggested revision: situation worsens Why it matters: “Worst” is a superlative, while the sentence requires a verb describing deterioration.
- 6. Use simple present Original: they are also consuming Suggested revision: they also consume Why it matters: The simple present is appropriate for the repeated behaviour described.
- 7. Repair health phrase Original: main cause of bad health conditions of young generation nowadays Suggested revision: main cause of poor health among young people today Why it matters: The revision uses natural collocations and supplies a clear plural reference.
- 8. Use concise health phrase Original: youngsters' poor health conditions Suggested revision: poor health among young people Why it matters: “Poor health” is the natural uncountable expression in this general claim.
- 9. Use broader activity Original: chat on mobile phones Suggested revision: use mobile phones Why it matters: “Use mobile phones” more accurately covers the sedentary screen activity being discussed.
- 10. Use uncountable noun Original: different junk foods Suggested revision: various types of junk food Why it matters: “Junk food” is uncountable when referring to the category generally.
- 11. Use natural plural Original: the bad effect Suggested revision: the harmful effects Why it matters: “Harmful effects” is the natural phrase for multiple consequences of prolonged viewing.
- 12. Fix quantity expression Original: such long hours Suggested revision: so many hours Why it matters: “Hours” is countable, so the quantity expression should use “many.”
Suggested Rewrites
- point extent
- its their
- Cable Sports
- broadcast attractive sports broadcast popular sporting events
- condition gets worst situation worsens
- they are also consuming they also consume
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay maintains a clear, qualified position and explains how prolonged sports viewing and unhealthy snacking can contribute to poor health while identifying parenting, screen habits, diet, and individual choices as other causes. Its strongest feature is the balanced treatment of responsibility; the main limitation is repetitive development and absent paragraphing. The priority is to organize the television effect and alternative causes into separate paragraphs and support each with one concise, specific example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear partial-agreement position is maintained and both sports viewing and alternative causes are relevantly explained, although several points repeat rather than deepen the argument.
Use one specific example for the sedentary-viewing effect and one for a stronger alternative cause, then compare their relative importance explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a recognizable sequence from the television effect to other causes and a conclusion, but the single-block format and repetition weaken progression.
Use separate introduction, sports-viewing, alternative-causes, and conclusion paragraphs, each with one controlling claim.
Lexical Resource
The response has sufficient vocabulary for media, exercise, diet, and health, but recurring repetition and awkward collocations limit precision.
Prefer natural phrases such as “sports broadcasts,” “sedentary viewing,” “health problems among young people,” and “a contributing rather than primary cause.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence structures conveys the argument clearly, but recurring errors in comparison, articles, plurals, agreement, and punctuation reduce accuracy.
Check forms such as “the situation gets worse,” “young people’s health,” “one factor that affects,” and remove unnecessary commas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Sport is one of the most popular draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sport on television is to blame for the poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.