In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations.
Sample Response
With the advancement of healthcare and social welfare, people now live longer than in the past. This phenomenon causes some adverse effectswould cause some adverse effects on both individuals and society. Fortunately, there are some ways to tackle this problem.
Longer lifespansThe longer life span adverselydetrimentally affects individuals’ mental and physical health and causes stagnation in our society. From an individual perspective, the longer people live, the weaker they become. Declining healthThe degradation in health results in a plethora of diseases that older people have to endurepainfully withstand. Not to mention that elderly people's inability to continue workingthe inability to continue working for the elderly makes them feel left out or redundant. As a consequence, they are highly likely to experiencethere are high chances that they are prone to negative feelings, thereby adversely affecting their mental health. On a societal level, stagnation on a national scale is a major issuean ultimate issue caused by having too many old people. A large proportion of government fundsA great proportion of governmental fund and social welfare would be allocated to healthcare, which most elderly people requirehealth care which most elderly requires. Thus, there would be reduced investment in other sectorsan imbalance in investment in other sectors, namely education or transportation, which play a pivotal role in developing the country.
Fortunately, the government and businesses can implement, and have implemented, multiple measurescan and have carried multiple solutions to lessen the effects of this issue. The first measure is gradually raisinglifting the retirement age. The government is implementing this solution by increasing the retirement age by a few months every year. This would ensure that people can still be contributors to societya contributor to society when they grow olderreach their old age. A second solution is to offer fitness facilities that would encourage the elderly to exercise regularlydo regular physical exercises. As a result, they would find their own happiness in their later years of life. In addition, once old people have good health, the demand for health care and social welfare would decrease significantlywould significantly reduce.
In conclusion, having a large percentage of old people is causing pressure on those individuals and society. However, there are many solutions to this problem that governments can adopt.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response covers problems for individuals and society and offers two relevant measures, with clear paragraph-level organisation and generally sustained development. Its main weakness is recurrent awkward phrasing and grammatical imprecision, especially in collocations, articles, agreement, and clause construction. The highest priority is to express the same ideas in more natural, controlled sentences and to develop the societal consequences with greater specificity.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
All parts of the task are addressed with relevant problems and feasible measures, although some claims remain general or overstated.
Explain the societal impact and the mechanism of each solution more precisely instead of relying on broad claims about stagnation or happiness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overall progression, and each body paragraph follows a readily identifiable central purpose.
Use cohesive devices less mechanically and strengthen the logical connection between each proposed measure and the specific problem it resolves.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, but recurring inaccurate or unnatural collocations reduce precision and flexibility.
Revise combinations such as governmental fund, carried solutions, and most elderly requires into natural academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex forms, but agreement, article, and clause-structure errors recur across the essay.
Proofread complex sentences for complete clause structure and subject-verb agreement, especially around relative clauses and plural nouns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.