Some people say that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful to society. Others say its purpose is to prepare individuals to achieve personal ambitions. Discuss these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The nature of education is to humanise human, stated by Paolo Pereira. Some people believe that humanising human means that every person should be beneficial for society on how societies get the advantages from their knowledge and skills. However, others believe that they attend the education institutions for having skills and experience as the tools to enter job market easily. This essay aims to discuss both purposes as well as provide several reasons.
People tend to focus on developing their social awareness through education in order to bring the society become a better community. They believe that the ultimate aim of education is that to contribute as well as to implement the knowledge and skills for the prosperity of society. For example, those who are expertise in agriculture science probably educate the farmers how to have a good quality of plants, how to manage the irrigation system well and how to conduct the product sales in the market. Moreover, graduates are believed as the social agents who bridge the society and government in terms of making society based policy. If there is a controversial policy that harms people, educated persons are probably asked by those people to help them conducting negotiation even against the policy.
On the other hand, some believe that the ultimate aim of having an education is that people tend to get certain skills and experience as the main tools to achieve a good position in the job market. The company might require well-educated workers and put them in a strategic position which brings them to such more prosperous economic life condition. It is undeniable to stop people making education as the way to gain personal purpose because it is their personal rights. In addition, government guarantees every single person to have education for whatever the purpose as long as it is still on the education rules.
I believe that both purposes of people in entering education institution discussed above might be in line together. We can be valuable persons for the society while having a job which we allocate some money from our salaries to educate people by providing the fund for those children who need it for school fee. The higher salary we achieve, the more money we can donor.
In short, everyone has their own targets to entering schools, universities or colleges. The most important thing is how to save ourselves by having a permanent job while contributing ours kills for the prosperity of society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the plural noun Original: human Suggested revision: people Why it matters: People is the natural plural object when referring to humanity generally.
- 2. Integrate the attribution Original: , stated by Paolo Pereira Suggested revision: , according to Paolo Pereira Why it matters: According to integrates the attribution grammatically into the sentence.
- 3. Use the adjective form Original: attend the education institutions Suggested revision: attend educational institutions Why it matters: Educational is the appropriate adjective modifying institutions, and no article is needed for a general plural.
- 4. Use purpose infinitive Original: for having skills and experience Suggested revision: to gain skills and experience Why it matters: The infinitive states the purpose of attending educational institutions naturally.
- 5. Remove the article Original: as the tools Suggested revision: as tools Why it matters: The plural noun tools is introduced generally and does not need the definite article.
- 6. Add the article Original: enter job market Suggested revision: enter the job market Why it matters: The fixed expression is the job market.
- 7. Use help plus verb Original: bring the society become Suggested revision: help society become Why it matters: Help takes the object society followed by the base verb become.
- 8. Remove unnecessary that Original: is that to contribute Suggested revision: is to contribute Why it matters: The complement after aim is an infinitive and does not require that.
- 9. Use apply knowledge Original: implement the knowledge Suggested revision: apply knowledge Why it matters: Knowledge is applied in practice rather than implemented.
- 10. Use have expertise Original: are Suggested revision: have Why it matters: Expertise is a noun, so it follows have rather than are.
- 11. Use the adjective form Original: agriculture Suggested revision: agricultural Why it matters: Agricultural is the adjective that modifies science.
- 12. Clarify the farming action Original: educate the farmers how to have a good quality of plants Suggested revision: teach farmers how to grow high-quality crops Why it matters: The revision uses natural verbs and nouns for helping farmers improve crop quality.
Suggested Rewrites
- human people
- , stated by Paolo Pereira , according to Paolo Pereira
- attend the education institutions attend educational institutions
- for having skills and experience to gain skills and experience
- as the tools as tools
- enter job market enter the job market
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response discusses both purposes of education and gives a clear view that social contribution and personal ambition can coexist, supported by a detailed example from agriculture. Its main limitation is that the personal-ambition side and the final synthesis are less convincingly developed, while frequent grammatical and lexical inaccuracies strain readability. The highest-priority improvement is to explain each view through a clear causal argument in shorter, more accurate sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and an opinion is stated, with useful development of social contribution but thinner support for personal ambition and their proposed relationship.
Develop the personal-ambition view with a specific example and show more directly how it can complement service to society.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a logical paragraph sequence for the two views and opinion, although progression within several sentences is difficult to follow.
Use one controlling idea per paragraph and split long explanations whenever the causal link becomes unclear.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision and occasionally obscure meaning.
Use natural phrases such as agricultural expertise, public policy, conduct negotiations, and donate money, and proofread for word-form errors.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex sentences, but persistent errors in articles, prepositions, verb patterns, agreement, and clause construction affect readability.
Prioritize accurate sentence frames for purpose and result, then check verb complements such as help someone conduct and contribute skills.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful to society. Others say its purpose is to prepare individuals to achieve personal ambitions. Discuss these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.