Some people say that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful to society. Others say its purpose is to prepare individuals to achieve personal ambitions. Discuss these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
In current years, the aim of pursuing higher education has been widely a fashionable trend. Some people believe that education lays on the aim of preparing individuals to serve the society. While some others assert that education conducts personal goal. Indeed, these issues emerges a fierce debate. As regards for this case, I will scrutinise both views along with related examples.
To begin with, the idea that every living individual belongs to the more complex group is a very basic concept which shapes any aspect of human life including education. This further becomes a framework of education nurturing people in the sake of emerging positive impact to the broad communities. In this regards, as a part of the society, individuals are responsible for contributing their knowledge they have acquired. Subsequently, it is strongly assumed that knowledge without devotion is such a meaningless sense in any variant of ways. It is the sense of devotion which encourage individuals to achieve their education for the sake of benefiting others. Furthermore, the national government urges the schools to enrich the pupils with the sense of nationalism where the citizen has to put public necessity over personal need. A very good example is Indonesian Government requires schools to provide nationality subject in elementary and junior high schools.
In contrast, obtaining individual ambition should remain as the purpose of education particularly in the modern age. As is it widely acknowledged that individualism becomes a major trend where people put aside social aspect. Undoubtedly, modern lifestyle propels people to seek their own desire of how their education should be aimed to. Moreover, the belief that people must fulfil their own need plays an essential role in this case. Finally, human rights tell us the freedom of everyone choice in focusing their own passion. For instance, people has legal rights to assert their purpose in acquiring education.
To sum up, I personally think that preparing individuals to devote the society outweighs the other view in the term of education purpose.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the time collocation Original: current Suggested revision: recent Why it matters: "In recent years" is the standard expression for the near past.
- 2. Fix the verb phrase Original: has been widely a fashionable trend Suggested revision: has become a widespread trend Why it matters: The replacement supplies a natural linking verb and correct adjective placement.
- 3. Use a direct verb Original: lays on the aim of Suggested revision: aims at Why it matters: "Lay on the aim" is not an English collocation, while "aim at" expresses the intended purpose.
- 4. Remove the article Original: serve the society Suggested revision: serve society Why it matters: "Society" is used without an article when referring to society in general.
- 5. Fix agreement and collocation Original: these issues emerges a fierce debate Suggested revision: these views have sparked a fierce debate Why it matters: The plural subject needs a plural verb, and debates are "sparked" rather than "emerged" by views.
- 6. Use the correct phrase Original: As regards for this case Suggested revision: Regarding this issue Why it matters: "As regards for" is not a valid prepositional expression.
- 7. Clarify the comparison Original: belongs to the more complex group Suggested revision: belongs to a larger group Why it matters: The indefinite article and comparative adjective express the intended relationship clearly.
- 8. Use the singular expression Original: regards Suggested revision: regard Why it matters: The fixed expression uses the singular noun "regard".
- 9. Match the plural subject Original: as a part of the society Suggested revision: as members of society Why it matters: The plural phrase agrees with "individuals" and removes the unnecessary article.
- 10. Remove double possession Original: their Suggested revision: the Why it matters: The relative clause already identifies whose knowledge it is, so "their" is redundant.
- 11. Fix subject-verb agreement Original: encourage Suggested revision: encourages Why it matters: The singular antecedent "sense" requires the singular verb "encourages".
- 12. Use the correct collocation Original: achieve Suggested revision: pursue Why it matters: Education is pursued or completed, not achieved.
Suggested Rewrites
- current recent
- has been widely a fashionable trend has become a widespread trend
- lays on the aim of aims at
- serve the society serve society
- these issues emerges a fierce debate these views have sparked a fierce debate
- As regards for this case Regarding this issue
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response discusses both purposes of education and states a clear preference, while its paragraph structure gives the argument a recognisable overall direction. However, the second view is thinly developed, several ideas are repetitive or abstract, and frequent language errors make parts awkward. The priority is to build each view around one precise reason and concrete example, expressed in simpler, more accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer's opinion is clear, but development is uneven and support for personal ambition remains limited and general.
Explain one concrete benefit of education for personal ambition and support it with a specific, relevant example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear four-paragraph structure, although formulaic linking and repetitive abstract statements weaken progression within paragraphs.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and arrange its explanation and example in a direct cause-and-effect sequence.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of academic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Prefer familiar, accurate combinations such as serving society, achieving goals, and benefiting communities over forced abstract phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted and meaning is generally recoverable, but agreement, article, preposition, and sentence-structure errors occur frequently.
Use shorter complete sentences and systematically check subject-verb agreement, especially with singular subjects and relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful to society. Others say its purpose is to prepare individuals to achieve personal ambitions. Discuss these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.