Some people believe that people should be allowed to work only till a set retirement age. Others say that if people want to work, age should not be a barrier to them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In today's society, opinions diverge regarding the appropriate retirement age for workers. While some advocate for a set retirement age for everyone, others believe that individuals who wish to continue working should not be impeded by age restrictions. This essay will explore both perspectives and argue that age should not serve as a barrier to those willing and capable of working.
Advocates for a set retirement age often argue that it's necessary to make way for younger workers, ensure job opportunities, and avoid hindering career advancement. They assert that limiting older employees' tenure helps refresh the workforce, allowing younger generations to access employment opportunities. For instance, in industries where technological advancements are rapid, younger employees may be perceived as more adaptable and efficient in handling modern tools and processes, thus justifying the need for a fixed retirement age.
Conversely, proponents of allowing individuals to work irrespective of age highlight the advantages of diverse workplaces that include experienced individuals. Many older employees possess extensive knowledge and expertise gained through years of experience. For instance, in professions like teaching, healthcare, or research, older individuals often have invaluable skills that can greatly benefit their respective fields. Their wisdom and experience contribute to mentorship opportunities and help maintain continuity in institutional knowledge.
In my opinion, age should not limit an individual's choice to work. Encouraging people to retire solely based on age overlooks their potential contributions and undervalues their capabilities. Rather than imposing age-related restrictions, evaluating employees based on their skills, performance, and health would be a more justifiable approach to workforce management.
In conclusion, while there are arguments for setting a fixed retirement age, the benefits of allowing individuals to work irrespective of age seem to have more merits. Encouraging inclusivity and recognizing the value of experience in the workforce can lead to a more diversified and enriched work environment.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid formal contraction Original: it's necessary Suggested revision: it is necessary Why it matters: The uncontracted form is more appropriate in a formal academic essay.
- 2. Use active collocation Original: ensure job opportunities Suggested revision: create job opportunities Why it matters: “Create opportunities” expresses making positions available more naturally than “ensure”.
- 3. Clarify employment duration Original: limiting older employees' tenure Suggested revision: limiting older employees' time in the workforce Why it matters: “Tenure” can imply a protected appointment, while the essay means general working duration.
- 4. Use natural change phrase Original: technological advancements are rapid Suggested revision: technological change is rapid Why it matters: The singular mass noun phrase is more natural for the pace of ongoing change.
- 5. Fix adjective preposition Original: efficient in handling Suggested revision: efficient at handling Why it matters: The adjective “efficient” takes “at” before a gerund when describing skill.
- 6. Clarify inference source Original: thus justifying the need Suggested revision: which is used to justify the need Why it matters: The relative clause makes clear that the perception, rather than the employees themselves, supports the stated justification.
- 7. Use specific workplace noun Original: experienced individuals Suggested revision: experienced employees Why it matters: “Employees” is more precise in a paragraph about workplace age diversity.
- 8. Avoid repeated experience Original: gained through years of experience Suggested revision: accumulated over many years Why it matters: The revision removes repetition of “experience” while preserving the time-based meaning.
- 9. Use formal example marker Original: professions like teaching Suggested revision: professions such as teaching Why it matters: “Such as” is the more formal way to introduce examples.
- 10. Use precise verb Original: contribute to mentorship opportunities Suggested revision: create mentorship opportunities Why it matters: Wisdom and experience “create” opportunities rather than contribute to the opportunities themselves.
- 11. Use uncountable merit Original: seem to have more merits Suggested revision: seem to have greater merit Why it matters: “Merit” is uncountable when it means overall value or worth.
Suggested Rewrites
- it's necessary it is necessary
- ensure job opportunities create job opportunities
- limiting older employees' tenure limiting older employees' time in the workforce
- technological advancements are rapid technological change is rapid
- efficient in handling efficient at handling
- thus justifying the need which is used to justify the need
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response addresses both views fully, sustains a clear opinion, and develops a sensible alternative based on skills, performance, and health rather than age alone. Its main limitation is that the case for compulsory retirement relies somewhat generally on assumptions about younger workers' adaptability and access to jobs. Strengthen the comparison by considering how flexible retirement or role-specific assessments could balance opportunity for younger workers with the value of older employees' expertise.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both perspectives are developed with relevant support, and the writer's position is clear, consistent, and reinforced by a practical alternative to age-based retirement.
Deepen the evaluation by testing whether fixed retirement actually creates jobs and by addressing occupations where health or safety requirements may legitimately matter.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is purposefully organised, logically sequenced, and smoothly connected from the two views to the writer's evaluation and conclusion.
Make the conclusion slightly more synthetic by linking the proposed performance-based approach directly to the competing concern about younger workers.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad, precise, and flexible across retirement, workforce management, expertise, and institutional knowledge, with only minor occasional awkwardness.
Polish small collocational details such as more merits, using greater merit or more advantages instead.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is controlled accurately, with only rare minor lapses that do not affect communication.
Maintain this accuracy while favouring formal written forms over contractions in academic discussion.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that people should be allowed to work only till a set retirement age. Others say that if people want to work, age should not be a barrier to them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.