Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not?
Sample Response
Ever increasing demands of mankind have strained the existing resources our mother nature has. For this elevated demands for farmland, housing & industry using the land traditionally reserved for forests is an easy, logical and cheap option for many. However, in my opinion encroaching the jungles will be more expensive and can be fatal if not stopped. We will see the ecological & economical impacts it is having on humanity in this essay.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: demands of mankind Suggested revision: human demands Why it matters: The revision is more concise and uses neutral contemporary wording.
- 2. Clarify the noun phrase Original: existing resources our mother nature has Suggested revision: natural resources available to us Why it matters: The original phrasing is awkward and personifies nature unclearly.
- 3. Fix the opening clause Original: For this elevated demands Suggested revision: To meet these growing demands Why it matters: The revision corrects demonstrative agreement and clearly expresses purpose.
- 4. Use formal coordination Original: & industry Suggested revision: and industry, Why it matters: Formal prose requires “and,” and the introductory purpose phrase needs a closing comma.
- 5. Refine word choice Original: easy, logical and cheap Suggested revision: easy, practical, and inexpensive Why it matters: “Practical” describes the option more precisely than “logical” in this context.
- 6. Set off the phrase Original: in my opinion encroaching Suggested revision: in my opinion, encroaching Why it matters: The introductory viewpoint phrase should be followed by a comma.
- 7. Use precise terminology Original: the jungles Suggested revision: forest land Why it matters: “Forest land” is more precise and formal for the area being converted.
- 8. Remove unclear comparison Original: more expensive Suggested revision: costly Why it matters: The comparative form lacks a clearly stated point of comparison.
- 9. Use precise impact Original: can be fatal Suggested revision: can have devastating consequences Why it matters: The revision describes severe environmental harm without the imprecise adjective “fatal.”
- 10. Correct the terms Original: ecological & economical Suggested revision: ecological and economic Why it matters: “Economic” refers to financial effects, while “economical” means inexpensive.
Suggested Rewrites
- demands of mankind human demands
- existing resources our mother nature has natural resources available to us
- For this elevated demands To meet these growing demands
- & industry and industry,
- easy, logical and cheap easy, practical, and inexpensive
- in my opinion encroaching in my opinion, encroaching
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response establishes a relevant position and signals two possible lines of argument, while some topic-specific vocabulary communicates the intended stance. However, at only 71 words it remains an introduction rather than a developed essay, providing no reasons, evidence, or conclusion; the priority is to build two fully explained body paragraphs with specific support and then close by restating the position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A position is stated, but the response is far below the required length and does not develop or support any reason for it.
Write complete body paragraphs explaining the ecological and economic arguments with specific consequences or examples, followed by a conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four sentences follow a basic context-to-position sequence, but the response is too brief to demonstrate sustained progression or paragraph organisation.
Organise the promised ecological and economic points into separate body paragraphs with clear topic sentences and logical development.
Lexical Resource
Some relevant topic vocabulary is attempted, but collocations such as ‘elevated demands’ and ‘economical impacts’ are inaccurate.
Use standard academic combinations such as ‘growing demand’, ‘economic impact’, and ‘land set aside for wildlife’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence structures show some variety, but agreement, article, punctuation, and clause-control errors occur frequently in this very short sample.
Correct agreement and sentence boundaries, especially in the sentence beginning ‘For this elevated demands’, and proofread articles and commas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.