Average life span of the human in many developing countries is increasing. Is this is a positive or negative development? Will this increased life expectancy have any social and personal issue? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.
Sample Response
Since the dawn of time, the average life expectancy is increasing. This is evidence in the developing countries such as in Australia, United States of America and in England. As result of this trend, problems such as family conflicts and elderly antisocial acts will also arise. However, in every problem, there is always a solution, and to counter these negative impacts for individuals and to society perhaps treat elderly with respect and love as well as give them some certain task. For one, as there is an increasing of ageing population, they tend to stay and live with their working children in one home in which misunderstanding may arise between the two. For instance, Filipino adults who are working and migrated in a developed country like Australia sponsored their old parents to live with them in that rich nation. But because these busy adults are always at work, he sometimes forgets his parents, and these elderly parents will feel disregarded and neglected that might result to more serious confrontations and conflicts. It is because sometimes an argument is unavoidable when living with children having their own family. In addition to this, as these old people will feel unwanted and disregarded by their children, they may sometimes do negative acts towards their children and other people in their surroundings. For example, they may become agitated and always angry and might hurt their grandchildren at home. They may also go leave the house and do harmful things to other people in the community. This situation is common in the United States of America, according to the Psychiatric Nursing 4th edition book by Sheila L. Videbeck. In conclusion, as the ageing population grows, family misunderstanding will also incline and more and more elderly will engage in antisocial acts. However, we working adults can manage these problems by giving them the respect and love they deserve such as acknowledging their presence and giving them gifts in their special occasions like birthdays, mother's day or father's day. Also give them some task at home like babysitting their grandchildren or driving them and picking them up at their school. With these tasks, they will surely feel wanted and valued, and such acts will be avoided.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plausible timeframe Original: Since the dawn of time Suggested revision: In recent decades Why it matters: The original idiom conflicts with a trend that is currently increasing.
- 2. Use continuing tense Original: the average life expectancy is increasing Suggested revision: average life expectancy has been increasing Why it matters: The present perfect continuous expresses a change that began earlier and continues now.
- 3. Use adjective form Original: evidence Suggested revision: evident Why it matters: The complement after ‘is’ requires the adjective ‘evident’, not the noun ‘evidence’.
- 4. Remove unnecessary article Original: the developing countries Suggested revision: developing countries Why it matters: No definite article is needed when referring to developing countries generally.
- 5. Fix list structure Original: such as in Australia, United States of America and in England Suggested revision: such as Australia, the United States of America, and England Why it matters: The examples need parallel preposition use, the definite article before ‘United States’, and clear list punctuation.
- 6. Add missing article Original: As result Suggested revision: As a result Why it matters: The fixed linking phrase requires the article ‘a’.
- 7. Clarify noun phrase Original: elderly antisocial acts Suggested revision: antisocial behaviour among older people Why it matters: The original phrase incorrectly uses ‘elderly’ to modify acts rather than people.
- 8. Use correct noun form Original: an increasing of ageing population Suggested revision: an increase in the ageing population Why it matters: The noun construction is ‘an increase in’, and the population needs a definite article.
- 9. Remove redundancy Original: stay and live Suggested revision: live Why it matters: ‘Stay’ and ‘live’ duplicate the same meaning in this context.
- 10. Fix number and link Original: one home in which misunderstanding may arise Suggested revision: one home, where misunderstandings may arise Why it matters: The countable noun should be plural for a general possibility, and ‘where’ links naturally to a home.
- 11. Align verb forms Original: are working and migrated Suggested revision: work and have migrated Why it matters: The coordinated verbs need forms that express current work and a completed migration.
- 12. Fix tense and wording Original: sponsored their old parents Suggested revision: sponsor their elderly parents Why it matters: The present-tense example requires ‘sponsor’, and ‘elderly parents’ is more appropriate than ‘old parents’.
Suggested Rewrites
- Since the dawn of time In recent decades
- the average life expectancy is increasing average life expectancy has been increasing
- evidence evident
- the developing countries developing countries
- such as in Australia, United States of America and in England such as Australia, the United States of America, and England
- As result As a result
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a recognisable negative view and illustrates family tensions and possible supportive actions with concrete scenarios. Its main limitation is that the task is handled narrowly and unevenly: the positive-or-negative judgment is mostly implicit, the social and personal effects overlap, and the proposed measures remain informal and limited. The highest-priority improvement is to organise a direct answer to each task part and develop broader, realistic measures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response covers the negative effects and offers measures, but its evaluation is mostly implicit and the treatment of issues and solutions is narrow.
State the judgment explicitly, distinguish personal from social consequences, and explain several practical measures in greater depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a generally understandable sequence, but the response is presented as one long paragraph and some linking is mechanical or repetitive.
Use separate introduction, effects, solutions, and conclusion paragraphs, each with a clear controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss ageing and family conflict, but inaccurate collocations and word forms frequently reduce precision.
Use natural combinations such as an increase in the ageing population, result in conflict, and tensions will rise.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts complex sentences, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, pronouns, verb forms, and sentence construction weaken control.
Check subject-verb agreement and pronoun consistency first, then revise long sentences into accurately controlled clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Average life span of the human in many developing countries is increasing. Is this is a positive or negative development? Will this increased life expectancy have any social and personal issue? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.
Your response
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